we love each other so much that we put everything in to fighting for our marriage, we knew we loved eachother and wanted to be together but issues had built up like debts and not being nice to each other and one day i exploded and left for 6 months, those 6 months were the hardest and most painful thing i have ever been through, it was pure agony. Now we look at each other and the love has come back and we hold hands and laugh like we just met. but inside i hold alot of pain about the time we wasted, my husband would cry himself to sleep when we were apart and i almost ended it all one day. he became friends with a canteen girl at his work during the last 4 weeks we were apart, it was just a girl to talk too but i knew there and then that i wanted to fight for my marriage no matter what. that girl prompted me into getting a grip before i lost everything. i feel so sad for the time we wasted and my husband talking to that girl. how can i stop feeling so sad and forget the past?
2006-12-18 09:18:29 · 29 answers · asked by uklady26 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
get professional help
2006-12-18 09:19:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey! What *&%$ gave this question a thumbs down? Some people live in a weird little world.
So anyway, the question. Hmm.
Really hard one this. Perhaps the pain is part of the healing. How long ago was all this? Perhaps the pain says your healing is still in progress. Perhaps it will always be with you. Note: a lot of people live with long-term emotional pain, and many deal with it just fine. It's just another war-wound. Life is tough, but you're both still living it, so you're tough too.
Other thing to say: your six months in the wilderness was not time wasted. You both clearly needed something to change, and you gave your marriage some very tough love. You got through it, by a whisker but that's enough. If you hadn't forced the crisis somehow you might not have the marriage now.
Good luck
PS I like fucose_man's answer
2006-12-18 09:28:12 · answer #2 · answered by wild_eep 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is talk about how you feel. The longer you hold it in it will get worse and one day it will just come out over something stupid like running out of milk. You also shouldn't forget the past. That is the key to changing in the future. There are many places that have couple counseling There are classes there for just one person if he is not willing to go with you. It sounds like you really love each other so use the time and energy you guys devote to dwelling on things and being sad and put it to use in a positive way
2006-12-18 09:23:14 · answer #3 · answered by AJC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats really tough. I'm glad the two of you got back together, but sometimes its really tough forgiving yourself for time wasted.
I've been in similar situations, and even though it was years ago, I still sometimes feel sad about time I wasted in and out of relationships.
You might want to see a therapist, with or without you're spouse, in order to get some guidance in how to accept your past. This would hopefully allow you to forgive yourself and move forward in life.
You're fortunate that you now have a happy relationship, I think you just need to talk through what happened over your separation and how you both felt then, and now. If a therapist can help, see one.
I wish you all the best.
-dh
2006-12-18 09:26:37 · answer #4 · answered by delicateharmony 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Part of the growth process is to realize where you've been and accept it. Whatever happened, it's in the past. You can't do anything about it now except learn from it. So take a good look in the mirror. What did you learn from your time apart? Apparently, that your marriage was worth fighting for, and you don't want to spend any more time apart. So: that's a good and valuable lesson. Be OK with it. You learned in 6 months what lots of other people spend years fighting about. Good for you. And now, you have the rest of your lives together, to enjoy each other, share your happiness, and make a wonderful life. Accept the past: it got you where you are now, and that's a good place.
Be happy now.
2006-12-18 09:26:04 · answer #5 · answered by KD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best solution (in my opinion) is to speak with your husband about your feelings and the both of you look at spending more time together to cover for the time wasted. Remember, there is a time and tide for everything. There may have been a reason for the two of you to be apart at that time..maybe to give you both a breather and think things over. I wish you all the best and take care. Don't fret too much and move on with the future. Life is short and time has already been wasted.
2006-12-21 20:23:12 · answer #6 · answered by idfg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just look at your husband and thank your lucky stars the 2 of you got a second chance. Don't feel sad about the past but learn from it. You can't dwell on the past. Just make the most of your life together now and in the future. Not many people are lucky enough to have found their soul mate, but it sounds like you have so be happy.
2006-12-18 09:27:39 · answer #7 · answered by ash 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't take back time, its gone and you need to deal with it. You have to be an adult and be happy for the time you have together now. Its very important to make the most of your life before you find yourself asking the same questions (why is time being wasted)!! Suck it up go out have fun, enjoy nice quiet dinners together enjoy the wonders of the world that don't cost a thing like walking in the park and watching the sunset!! Hope it works God Bless!!
2006-12-18 09:22:52 · answer #8 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't forget things like that, but you don't have to dwell on it and let it ruin what you have now. By worrying so much about it, you are wasting days still. Put it behind you and just focus on making each day from here forward the best you can. You can't change history, but you do have control of how you act today and tomorrow. If you don't you will be sure to repeat the mistake.
2006-12-18 09:25:17 · answer #9 · answered by PDH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel sad about wasting time. But you are still wasting time by continuing to be sad and worrying. You are back with your husband. Be happy about that. Maybe the time you were apart caused you to realize how much you really loved him. Don't worry. Be happy.
2006-12-18 09:42:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Appreciate the fact that the two of you are together now. Put the past behind you or it will sneak up and split you up again. You need to focus on all the time you have saved by stopping the split now. It could have been worse and you could have stayed seperated for years to come. Then you really would have wasted a lot of time.
2006-12-18 09:24:13 · answer #11 · answered by Janet J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋