had a relationship with a man for 3 1/2 years then I found out that he had been cheating for 10 months. I stayed with him for another 3 years trying to make it work (counseling included). He was the love of my life. When I finally walked away for good... about 8 months later I met someone else. It's been about 4 months with the new guy and he's already proposed to me, but my ex has been begging me to come back to him and wanting to try marriage counseling again and I believe whole-heartedly that he is truly sorry for all the wrong that he's done and that he truly loves me. He wants to marry me now. Before the ex came back into the picture, I told the "new" guy that we should stop seeing eachother until he gets all of his affairs situated (going through divorce after 17 years.. 4 kids in San Fran & wasn't sure if he would stay up north or stay in LA). I don't know what to do. Sounds complex... my heart is with the ex, but he's hurt me BAD. Should I give it another chance?
2006-12-18 08:57:06 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Once a cheater....I won't even finish...
2006-12-18 08:59:36 · answer #1 · answered by oppsupsideurhead 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should go where your heart is. YOUR EX. although he's cheated in the past, you both been through counseling & what not. He's hurt you BAD, but if your heart is still with him, you will need to go above & beyond through the depths of your heart to forgive him, can you do that? and can you also start to trust him again? if you can do all those & your for sure your ex is sorry & will never cheat on you again, than your best to go back with him & work things out. If he's suggesting counseling again, that's good. You should do it again. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance. You should give that to him, not because you feel he deserves it, but to also give it to him because you honestly love him & that you can forgive him & trust him with all your heart.
GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU.
2006-12-18 09:22:18 · answer #2 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Under the circumstances dump them both! I think your ex just wants you back because he knows you have someone new in your life. The new guy however, wants a p*ssy in a glass jar (you) on reserve for when he's ready. I'd lose both of them and start ALL over with someone who has way less drama or baggage (granted everyone has SOME baggage, but you don't have to take on the bags from a 17-yr failing marriage with kids, and an ex who's cheated on you).
2006-12-18 09:01:48 · answer #3 · answered by supernaturaldj2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put the brakes on your relationship with the new guy. If he is not yet divorced, wants to marry you and has only known you 4 months, something is screwy. He needs to stabilize his life before getting into a serious relationship with you or anyone else. As for the "ex" you have given him more than enough time in your life. Don't fall for his pleas. The best thing for you is to move on into new relationships.
2006-12-18 09:02:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've given your ex plenty of chances already. I think that you should move on and give your new guy a chance.
Although 4 months seems a little fast to build a solid relationship... I suggest you slow things down a little on that front, otherwise you could end up worse off than before. If he loves you, he'll be patient.
2006-12-18 09:01:54 · answer #5 · answered by Ritz Grimarren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now you need space and time from Both Men! Space and Time, Get yourself right, your mind and your Heart. Seek consel from everyone you know and trust, Parents siblings, cousins, Friends, Pastors, Co-workers. Create a birds eye view of the situation. Look at it from all different angles.
Space and Time. If either guy doesnt want to wait around for you to clear your heart and mind, then you know for sure that that person isnt the one for you. I would suggest being single (NO SEEING ANYONE) for 3 months and get a journal.
2006-12-18 09:06:18 · answer #6 · answered by Gyasi M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget the ex. He's not worth it. Move on but don't move on so fast. Tell the new guy you need at least a year to know him before you can make that type of a commitment.
2006-12-18 08:59:29 · answer #7 · answered by Pache 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FORGET the pain. Write down all the characteristics, good and bad, on a sheet of paper. See which one is best for you. Give that person one point. Then, write down all your experiences with them, good and bad, and see which one has better, or more good thatn bad, experiences than the other. Give that guy one point. Finally, write down everything you like (and if you want, DISLIKE about them) about each one on another sheet. Give the winner one last point. Whoever has more points is probably the one for you.
Good luck, girl!
2006-12-18 09:04:08 · answer #8 · answered by GrammarFreak 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go to counseling and take a break from both of them until you get your head straight. Forget any talk of marriage for a long time.
2006-12-18 09:01:45 · answer #9 · answered by Raven 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from personal experience, I wouldn't go back. That's what happened to me. For 2 yrs. I felt like a yo-yo. He cheated and once he got caught he begged for forgivness. It continued until I left him for good. Don't go back. He's not going to change and you'll just get hurt again.
2006-12-18 09:15:26 · answer #10 · answered by water.bratz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say try and wor it out with the new guy, at least give it a few more months. Look how much time you wasted with the other guy. You can't change people.
2006-12-18 09:00:29 · answer #11 · answered by boredperv 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋