I'm married, we had 3 years of relationship, then we got married. We were separated 1 year 'cause she went to study abroad. Now we're together studying in the same country. Before marriage we had serious problems about sex. We almost broke two times. But I thought, sex is not everything, and returned! During marriage, sex didnt get better. She has respiratory problms, she cant have deep kisses for long time, she doesnt like oral sex (does it too briefly) and when try to make it, she says that it hurts! :-(, she says that I am going too fast, I tried to slow down, but after the sexgames the same arguments appear again, and I get desperate and lose the motivation. The year separated, was pretty difficult to keep steady (almost impossible). now I've been alone for month cause she had to go back to our country. And I cheated! I really don't know what to do? I have talked so much about our sex problms with her? And I dont know where in my heart to find more motivation :-(...
2006-12-18 08:49:12 · 14 answers · asked by NewTiger :) 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are certainly in a tough spot and I'm sure you feel pretty bad most of the time. It is unfortunate that some times we are so attracted to certain aspects of a person that we overlook other very important things that really shouldn't be overlooked. Sex is one of our basic human drives and having a successful marriage with someone who takes a very different view of sex is ALMOST impossible. If you want to stay married to this woman you MUST find common ground where you both can feel satisfied with that aspect of the relationship. Failing that you have little to no chance of feeling happy in the marriage. However, there are many different ways you can find this common ground. A friend of mine had a similar situation to yours. His wife didn't like sex before they got married, but he thought it was because she had been raised in a very religious home and had been taught that sex outside of marriage was "bad". He really thought things would change when they got married...things did not change at all. Turns out his wife just didn't like sex..at all. They went through marriage counciling, sex counciling, you name it. In the end they discovered the wife just simply didn't like sex. These two people really love each other, they are each others best friend, they have two children together. They just couldn't get together on sex. Their answer, which has worked for them for a number of years, is that the wife gets what she wants...she gets to not have sex, and the husband gets what he needs, he gets to have sex with other women.
This arrangement works for them because the wife KNOWS the husbands loves her and wants to be married to her.
Have a heart to heart with your wife, find out what she really wants. Tell her you want her to be who she really is, but tell her you are a human man and you have sexual needs that have to be met somehow.
Best of luck to you.
2006-12-18 08:54:56 · answer #1 · answered by ScubaGuy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don,t have to tell her you cheated I,m sure she thinks you did any how that,s a woman for you . Look you have a major problem and my answer is not a good one for you it will never get better but first why did you marrie her in the first place when a marriage is good sex is not everything but when a marriage is bad sex is everything you should set her down and just say it like it is hey baby this is hot working for me or you and I,m not trying to make this sound simple because it,s not I am not going to tell you to go see a sex therapist you said that see does not like sex even if she lets you see other women you will be looking for someone to replace her I feel sorry for both of you I know she is doing the best she can for you but it will never be enough for you I hope you don,t have kids I know you put a lot into it but the sooner you get out the better for both of you sory my friend
2006-12-18 10:24:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to tell her you cheated. That will protect her from STDs and also give you both a chance to look at where your marriage is heading.
Second, if you both want to make this marriage work I recommend marriage counseling. It sounds like the marriage issues you guys are dealing with are too big to be handled on a Yahoo forum. I do wish you both good luck for the future!
2006-12-18 09:13:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOt living togerther is no way to stay married at least in a healthy way. Sex is a big part of a marriage and if you is not happy with it the other is boung by marriage vows to work thing out.
Now your wife needs to see a doctor, and the a shirk, then both of you need couples therapy for this to work out.
2006-12-18 09:25:44 · answer #4 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is a large part in a marriage, and it looks like you both did not have it in and out of bed. Am sorry to say this but it does not look as if it is going to work tell her the truth and let her move on with her life. But do not put the blame solely on her it takes two to make a marriage and two to brake one!
2006-12-18 09:02:26 · answer #5 · answered by Ms Pollyanna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex isn't everything... As long as both people feel roughly the same about it. If it's significantly more important to one person than it is to the other, you're going to run into trouble. Perhaps this is a mistake you don't want to make again - look for a woman who's sexual appetites and habits are more compatible with your own, or accept your wife for who she is and enjoy other aspects of your relationship. It's isn't fair for you to be dishonest with her, when you knew full well what you were getting into before you two were married.
2006-12-18 09:05:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You cheated on her, remember that. You should tell her so she will not be with you. A girl doesn't want a guy who will cheat on her just because they have a terrible sex life. Sex isn't everything, like you said. Sex can be fixed through counseling & compromising. It's too late for that now because you cheated. You don't deserve anything with her because you head is too big on sex.
2006-12-18 08:55:11 · answer #7 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She's frigid and you knew it before the marriage. Sounds like you have buyer's remorse. The sex will not get better so decide if you can live without it. If not, move on to someone normal.
2006-12-18 09:08:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you already know your answer....you cheated your heart is not with her anymore...ya u may love her but ur not "in love" with her...sex is a VERY important part of marriage...thats why its called lovemaking....divorse and move on with life...it seems like the best for boht of you
2006-12-18 08:58:51 · answer #9 · answered by truthgrl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i thinkthat maybe you and her are not the right fit.... do you ever think of that?? it sounds like you have wayto many problems to continue on with this relationship, you even cheated i think that it would be best if youguys didnt staytogether
2006-12-18 08:55:04 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋