Dreamer
As I pass amidst the massive grey buildings,
Eyesore as they are,trying to reach the sky,
Somewhere in the corner I hear a child cry,
The heavy rain is falling with out a stop,
Again,it is one of those gloomy evenings.
Breathing in the cold air I sit in the park,
Looking at the statues made of stone,
Watching people pass me by while I sit alone,
The clock on my hand tells me to leave,
But my eyes are closing slowly into dark.
I step into a world you've never seen,
World with kings and queens,
A place were the sun shines all day,
So I wonder away...
Thank you =)
2006-12-18 07:56:11 · 14 answers · asked by miranda b 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Nice expressive poetry....You need to copyright it asap as to if u don't and someone else does u wrote it by law for them. DON'T put anything like that on the Internet if it's not copyrighted.
2006-12-18 08:05:38 · answer #1 · answered by sftbllr4lf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it needs work. A bit rambling-kinda like bits of what could be good lyrics from different songs.
Try and keep working at it and write out everything. As themes emerge keep flushing them out. Some songs will just spill out whole others need working and reworking overtime.
It's a good start-stay with it !
All Best
2006-12-18 08:03:18 · answer #2 · answered by Duane Allman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow. that is beautiful. you are a GREAT writer, and I love this!
one comment tho- it seems more like a poem than a song. Songs have a chorus- a part of the song that is repeated between verses. You seem to be missing that. But no matter- it's still great.Good job :-)
2006-12-18 07:59:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wet Day has ability with somewhat high quality tuning, yet the two songs have an analogous undemanding message. Your words is basically extra popular sounding. a sprint Hannah Montana, in case you will. reliable success
2016-10-05 11:32:08 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It goes with a melody I composed except don't worry it's already got lyrics it's really good!
2006-12-18 08:05:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks more like poetry than a song to me, but its hard to imagine it when you don't have the melody, but its good.
2006-12-18 07:59:04 · answer #6 · answered by jbvo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yikes!
2006-12-18 08:03:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems more like a poem than a song...overall it's good.... try sending it in to poetry.com...they got a bunch of poems on there too...
2006-12-18 08:10:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it! It sounds more like a poem though...same difference...lol
2006-12-18 07:59:32 · answer #9 · answered by Korbyn's Mama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i like it
2006-12-18 07:57:39 · answer #10 · answered by girl_of_your_dreams_1331 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋