How can I trust this man alone with my baby when he has no experiance?

Question

The father of my baby is an alcoholic and I don't trust him to be alone with the baby ever! He knows that I don't trust him and he agreed to let me be there just in case. This baby means everything to me and if anything ever happened due to his lack of experiance I would kill him. He's 25 ad the youngest of 8 children. No experiance with babies. I'm the olderst of 7. When he drinks he blacks out and doesn't remember anything he says or does. He can't focus and he certainly won't be able to hold my baby or feed him or even change his diaper. And God forbid he ever tried to give the baby a bath while he's drunk. He can't stand when I cry how will he deal with the baby crying? I cannot trust this man to be alone with my baby. I want him to be involved, it's his son, and probably the only chance he'll ever have at having a child. I care about him being active, but I care about my son being taken care of first! What do I do? 27 weeks pregnant bein induced at 37 weeks due to HBP

Answer 1

I agree with you - the baby's safety comes first.

I hope the man gets help. Maybe if he can't even take care of himself, you will have to keep him away from the baby.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Sounds like he has a LOT of growing up to do. And let me just say, having a baby can do that to you... not to everyone, but in most cases, I think it should. For myself, I was 23 when I became pregnant.... before getting pregnant for a couple of years before then, I would drink allll the time, and a lot. I just felt empty and my life wasn't going where I had wanted it to. Anyways, it gradually slowed down. And then I found out I was pregnant. My life changed completely. I was so happy. My boyfriend and I married- not because of the baby though. But I had a direction in life now, and both my husband and my baby made me happier than ever. Anyways, after we had our son, things changed drastically. I had a drink or two here and there, but seriously, I can't even drink anymore- I really don't even have a desire to now. I'm wrapped up in taking care of my son, and if your ex is like this with his baby, he could change for the better. I hope at least. Maybe ask him to see where he stands... how he will be. Let him know he is not allowed around your baby when he's drunk, he needs to be sober. Also- having to get up all the time at night just might not let him get drunk. He'll have responsibilities.

As far as the experience with babies- my husband is 28, and he also didn't have any experience... I did. Yes he was nervous at first, but honestly, the moment I had my son in the hospital and my husband held him, and everything looked natural. Yes, he asked a few questions, but he was so gentle and loving. I had a c-section, so he had to step up and help out a lot more, and did wonderfully. Your baby will tell you a lot more than you think... and if something doesn't work- our son was colicky, so we'd try everything.... then you try something else, and eventually you will find tricks that work. If there is any way you can let him know that his number one priority now is his baby, then he might get a new outlook on all of this. Hopefully he will want to be a good role model for his baby.

I really hope the best for you and your baby. If he doesn't change, I wouldn't let him see his son. Because if he does get drunk while watching the baby, the baby could be in danger.
Goodluck!

Answer 3

First you are going to have to watch for the signs of fetal alcohol syndrome since the father here is an alcoholic. With that being said, he really can't be trusted alone if there is any alcohol in the house or where he can get some if he is with the baby.
Alot of people become parents without ever having baby-sat or taken care of younger siblings or such. They can make great parents! I would not hold that against the father. The alcohol fatcor is what you need to watch for. If you can't trust him and he is okay with you being there.. why not spend some time together as parents who love their baby? Or maybe he can spend time with baby and grandma (his mother)?
Good luck!

Answer 4

Well, it's true he has no experience. But a lot of first-time mothers doesn't have any experience either. And they get by. They have maternal instinct. The father of your baby, on the other hand, have paternal instinct.

Paternal instinct is quite hilarious. They won't know how to take care of the baby, etc. But they'll sure as hell know how to protect it. So don't stress yourself out that much. It's not good for your pregnancy.

Secondly, there are childcare classes. You can tell him that if he wants to be an active father, take the class first. And about his alcohol problem, tell him to join one of those organizations that focus on helping alcoholics kick the habit.

Good luck.

Answer 5

You shouldn't be having a child with him if you can't trust him. Never, never leave you child with an alcoholic. Don't forget what's been all over the news. A man putting a baby in the microwave and a man putting a baby in the freezer trying to get her temperature down. Don't trust a drunk, no matter if he's the father or not.

Answer 6

no way, don't leave him alone. Your intution is talking... listen. Supervised visits only. and I know this doesn't sound nice, but just in case it goes to court someday (the future is something you never know, especially when people get attatched to babies), document. Start now with your obersvations.. he was drunk and blacked out. And with the baby, you will be there, write down (later on of course and don't tell him) everything that he did that was in competent.. I know it sounds harsh... but then you are garantueed to have proof as to why he should only have supervised visits... Documentation like that hold up in court.

Answer 7

Obviously you DO NOT trust this man with your child. If he is such a dangerous man for children [i.e. the drinking...] why did you get pregnant in the first place? But since you are, and there's no changing that you do not leave your baby with this guy pure and simple. It's not a safe idea and you could end up losing your baby, either to the state or worse death. Please be careful.

Answer 8

why do you have to leave the baby with him? And why do you keep having his children? You know you need to become more mature and strong.. hire a babysitter. The state covers childcare if you meet an income guideline and if you are needing care to go to work. If not then why are you leaving this child with him? Other than going to work, your baby your problem. Unfortunatly, this man cannot handle it. So ... again unless your going to work there is no excuse this baby should be with anyone but you. LOOK INTO SRS IN YOUR AREA!

Answer 9

You cant trust him. Ever never ever never ever.
Not until he's sober and by that I mean ALL the time, just not "not drunk at the moment".

And, btw, I sure hope you arent living with this man---because your child whom you love so much will think it's ok to grow up and be a drunk. And that right there is child abuse.

Answer 10

You don't need anybody to tell you what you have to do. You already know. Even if you want to be fool enough to stick with this jerk, you have no right to put your children in harm's way, and if you insist on doing so, and anything happens, you will be legally held responsible for your part in whatever he has done, because you will have enabled him to do it.