I am married, 11 years now. In that time our relationship has had more than its share of ups and downs. I have always questioned whether this was the right place i should be but stuck it out because he is a good man. I also have a very good friend I've known since grade school and we've talked openly (to my husbands knowledge) for years. Recently, my friend has shared his true feelings for me and said he's held them back out of respect for my marriage. Unknown to him, I've always had some feelings toward him as well but kept them undisclosed because of my marriage. Now I feel I am in this dilemma. I wonder whether I should meet with my good friend to see if there is any "chemistry" there. I dont want to "hook up" or just sleep with one another. I am merely saying that since we havent seen one another in a while it may be a good idea to meet for a day and share some time talking. I NEED HELP! Im soooo lost. Thanks.
2006-12-18 06:48:56 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just so everyone is clear. My good friend and I NEVER had a relationship in the past. We were always just great friends. Thanks.
2006-12-18 06:59:16 · update #1
Another thing is-if I decide not to meet with him, how do I let him know and be done with everything? I dont think I could keep him as a close friend in my life I want my marriage to work out.
2006-12-18 07:13:15 · update #2
What you are experiencing in your marriage is sooooo normal! Please don't do something that you will live to regret. If you feel like you honestly can't make your marriage work, then maybe a divorce is the best thing. Going to see this other guy is NOT a good idea. What if you are attracted to him, what if you find yourself in an affair with him? Finish what you have started before you start again!!
I understand how you feel. Lonely, frustrated, like you are maybe missing out on a really great thing. Almost always the fantasy is way better than the reality! You married your husband! Why? Try to remember back to the days when you were so in love with him! It was new and exciting. That excitement ALWAYS wears off! It will with the next guy and the next guy.....How many times are you going to allow yourself to get bored and believe that their is something better out there? Stay committed to your marriage, and go to counceling to try to fix what is not working. It will be worth it in the end and you will be happier for it.
Good luck to you!!
2006-12-18 07:10:17 · answer #1 · answered by Kailey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So where did your friend's respect for your marriage go?
Where did your respect for your marriage go?
The help you need is the help which says stay away from this situation lest you end up destroying your marriage on a whim.
Perhaps you should invest this energy on your husband and determine what the deal is that makes you wonder if you want to try this guy on.
You have not seen this guy for some time and you are dealing with memory not reality. There is no need to complicate your life now.
How would you feel if your husband was thinking of this regarding you?
2006-12-18 15:01:22 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the additional comment that you yourself made, needs to be answered, and only you know the answer to that. something like, "I don't think I want him in my life, if I want my marriage to work out." Well, do you, or don't you? and then why or why not? You know, in your heart, what to do. You don't say if you have children, but, of course, that is a factor.
If you decide to see your friend, be up front with your husband. Say something like "I would like to revisit the past with an old school mate, etc.,etc.", but then the other question is, why do you want to do that, if you might be tempted to go where you really don't want to go--and for what? Are you desperately unhappy or something? ARE you in Crisis?
We all have bumps in the road. We all have decisions to make. Even if there was 'chemistry' with your friend, would you give it all up for only a possibility? Who knows what living and or life would be like with your friend--and it's 11 yrs later, and you both have changed.
My rule of thumb is, if you are 'confused' don't do anything until you know for sure (abuse is an exception). Look into your heart, pray to your God, and be careful. If you screw this up, you probably can never go back. Once you step over that line and flirt with those kind of possibilities, be prepared for tougher decisions ahead. Think seriously about this. Good Luck.
2006-12-18 15:36:25 · answer #3 · answered by Nisey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your toying w/your feelings. You should only meet him w/your husband knowing. Just remember...this was a past relationship that didnt work at the beginning for some reason and probably wouldnt work again. Your not satisfied w/your marriage right now and looking for some escape. Dont put yourself in a situation that you may end up losing control over.
2006-12-18 14:57:22 · answer #4 · answered by Ivory_Flame 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get divorced. give your husband a chance to do the same as you want. that's really not fair for you to go out to test the waters and your husband sitting there with a thumb up his rear with no warning. and if you find you really love this other guy? your husband will be blindsided with the whole idea of you leaving him for someone else. and if you end up not feeling strongly for the new guy, all you have done is lost your self respect by going back to settling. is that really what you want?
2006-12-18 14:57:37 · answer #5 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋