I can't afford gifts for my son this year, does that make me a bad mom?

Question

My son is about to be 3 years old. I hate the fact that Christmas is all about spending money. I am in deep debt for yet another Christmas and I can't buy him gifts. It breaks my heart and makes me resentful of the holiday, it's very hard trying to get into the Christmas spirit being flat broke. I think Christmas is a very unfair holiday to those that have minimal funds. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

I just want to tell everyone thanks for all of the wonderful suggestions. After reading through all of the postings I actually feel a lot better about the situation now. You guys have given me some great ideas to do for the holiday. Thanks!

Answer 1

He's too young to remember this tough time when he grows up, so don't beat up on yourself. It's not about the gifts you can buy, it's about the gifts you give him, everyday. You gave him life, you continue to give him love, support, trust, food and shelter, cuddles and kisses. That is what is important.

You are not a bad mom at all. Bad moms beat their kids, waste their money on drugs, walk the streets, abandon their kids, etc. You aren't a bad mom. Times have been hard for a lot of people over the past few years, you are not alone.

Hold your head high. You are not a bad mom. You are doing the best you can, and that is all anyone can ask of you. Just keep doling out those cuddles and kisses, that's all.

Answer 2

Not having extra money doesn't make you a bad mother, or a bad person. You're still feeding and clothing and caring for your son; and your concern about the gifts shows that you love him... that's what being a good parent is about.

There are plenty of other ways to make the Holiday season special without spending huge amounts of money. A walk through a neighborhood to look at all the Christmas lights, going to meet a mall (or other) Santa Claus, making cookies together, decorating a tree, singing Christmas carols, telling Christmas stories and seeing people you love are all things your son will remember longer than a flashy toy.

You could use this year to start a tradition with your son. Maybe you could make cookies and take them to people who are also having a tough time getting into the holiday spirit. People in nursing homes can get very lonely, and seeing a smiling kid can make a big difference.

It can be tough to ask for help, but there are organizations that are more than happy to help put a toy or two into the hands of a child like yours. Toys for Tots comes to mind, since it is a national program (in the US) but there are also plenty of local organizations that collect toys (and coats, and any other winter items that might put a strain on a family's budget.)
Toys of Hope operates in New York, the LAFD has a Santa that rides on a fire truck to hand out toys.
If you want the help you should be able to find some in your area.

If it makes you feel any merrier - there are many others in a position similar to yours, and there are a lot of people who'd like to help make your holiday a little brighter and a little easier.

Answer 3

Don't be down on yourself! I know exactly what you are going through... I'm a single mother of a 2 year old little girl. I make minimum wage and I have to pay for her nursery which is $80 a week! I was only able to buy her a few little things this year... And I won't be able to get anybody else anything. Your son is only 3 so he probably won't be bothered by it. Just get him what you can and maybe even go out of your way to make Christmas day a little special and fun for him. You can make up some fun activities for him or even take him to go see some Christmas light displays or something like that. I know it's hard to get into the Christmas spirit when you can't buy things for people but Christmas should and can be about more than any of that.

Answer 4

Nope. You're not a bad mother.

Here are a couple of suggestions:

1) Make a commitment to yourself and to your son to get debt free and stay that way. Contact a credit counseling service in your area, make an appointment and go get help. It seems humiliating, but the end result will be well worth it. They can help negotiate with your creditors, lower the amount you owe and the interest you're being charged on those debts and help keep creditors from calling your home. They will also help you create a budget and teach you how to live within your means and pay down your debt so that you can achieve financial freedom. What a priceless gift to give yourself and your son. Consumer Credit Counseling Service costs NOTHING, so it's a gift you can well afford, and it's something that will make your life and your son's life so much better.

2) Create low-cost Christmas traditions that don't involve shopping. Get together and make each other Christmas gifts out of things you already have. Choose a festive Christmas recipe and make it together in the kitchen on Christmas Day. Make lists of promises/affirmations for one another that remind each of you about the things in your life that ARE good, for which you are thankful. Go for a walk or a drive and look at Christmas lights. Take your son to volunteer serving Christmas dinner at a local homeless shelter - give something back to the community, and talk about the blessings that you DO have in your life. None of these ideas costs anything, but all will create meaningful and wonderful Christmas gifts that will be remembered for years to come.

Merry Christmas, and good luck to you.

Answer 5

Can't you even get him a coloring book and crayons? A stocking with a few dollar store toys and an orange or apple is a fine Christmas for a 3 year old child.This gift should cost about $5. I think anyone can come up with $3. Also, can you not appeal to the folks who run Toys for Tots, or the Boys and Girls Club or any other charitable organization? I know there are many who help families in dire circumstances such as yours.

My mother raised 4 kids on $4000. a year and child support of $65/month, and yet we always had a lovely Christmas. You can come up with something if that is your priority. It seems like you have a computer with an Internet connection. Maybe you could start by seeing a credit counsellor who can help you figure out how to budget your finances-and by helping you figure out where you can save money. Christmas should not make you feel resentful.

Answer 6

I was a public school teacher most of my adult life whose job it was to help young people having difficulty both at home and school. Having seen many lives in that capacity as well as being a father and grandfather, I can say from experience that there is no greater present than love and support for kids. There is not a single object one can buy in any store as important. Don't worry about having nothing else to give him this year!
As some of the other people answering your question noted, your child is still too young to really understand your situation regarding the holiday anyway, but I can assure you that he will never be too young to appreciate a hug and being told that he is loved. As he is growing, stay close to your child, share your heart with him, and teach him to know how to put things in perspective. Perhaps a lesson on what a "good" gift is might be a good subject.
I agree with the person who noted that this holiday has become a very materialistic event, and we have as a society allowed the retail merchants and our sense of keeping up with the Joneses to dictate to us what a "good" Christmas is. As an unfortunate result, the true meaning of the holiday has been lost. That is a shame, but perhaps if people like you make the effort to teach your child what really matters, we can someday have the true holiday back.
In my life, I have seen way too many kids who have all the material things that money can buy, but at the same time they didn't really feel the love and support of their parents, guardians, or whomever - sometimes they had no one at all. Without intervention outside the home, they would have been real messes. No one can replace family, so you be different: Be there for your child through thick and thin.
While you sit there contemplating your child's future, ask yourself what is more important to you - being there with love to help shape a well adjusted young man, or being someone who gave her son the neatest toy?
By the way, anyone who is willing to write to a public forum like this to get advice to help her child can NEVER be a so-called "bad mom" like you said. You have definitely shown me that you care, and that is the first step to being a super mom! I wish there had been more moms like you when I was teaching for all those years; my job would have been much easier!
By the way: MERRY CHRISTMAS! :-)

Answer 7

You probably feel awful for not buying your son any gifts for christmas but sometimes....there is nothing that you can do about it. This definently does not make you a bad mom AT ALL. I know some things that you could do to cheer him up and also yourself during the holiday....

-do some crafts together
-bake cookies
-play games

Just try and keep him and yourself in high spirits and it should be an awesome christmas. Remember...it's not about presents....it's about Love.

Answer 8

Its okay Mom don't worry one he is young still he doesn't know today from tomorrow right now but something you could do in place of gifts to get in the spirit go see Christmas lights little kids love that, sit down and color Chrstmas pictures or make crafts if you can afford small gifts or if all else fails visit the dollar store your son won't know or care where it came from or how much it cost he will have fun just opening anything but remember whatever you choose to do don't get down or be resentful because kids feed off your emotions and know when you are bothered by something you make the best out of what you have and he will to.

Answer 9

I feel your pain hun. I too have a 3 year old and we aren't in the best of finacial situations right now. We signed him up for the Angel tree and a few other charity things this year and now he's gonna get to have a Christmas. You might check with your local chruches and stuff to see what they have to offer. If you tell them your situation, they may be able to help. There is nothing wrong with feeling they way you do, just know that. He's only 3. so he probably won't remember much about it so long as you still try to make it a happy day for him. Good Luck to you hun and Merry Christmas!

Answer 10

If you have reared your sour son with material thing as a sign of love then maybe you are in a little trouble there. However, if you could treat your son a little older for his age explaining that you cannot give him anything this Christams because of your present financial situation maybe he could even help you enjoy the holiday without a gift from each other except a hug and an assurance of love coming from you.
During the day, why don't you bring him to a park where you can play together and or a church where you can show him the child in manger telling stories of how Jesus was born poor and his parents could not even afford to give him nice clothes and bed to sleep on but they have great love for each other. For next year. maybe a dollar a week could be practical enough to saved for a gift on the next coming Christmas.
Too much commercialism about gifts on this occassions has put many mothers felt the unfairness in their situations but if you could train your son or even yourself that the sign of love is not the ability to afford a material gift maybe that would even be better for your son to grow unfazed by lack by of material blessings yet filled with love from you. What is essential is oftentimes invisible to the eyes.
I hope some Santa out there would be able to read your letter too as I am in the same situation as you at the moment. I wish they could find something to give away for Christams for your son.
My only advantage over you is that I have grown up children living on their own now. We do not normally give gifts to each other but we spend the occassion on the dinner table. I have three old ones whom I also did not raise with things to expect from me for the occassion. I just made sure that their school needs are met till they can make things on their own.

Answer 11

I feel that your giving him the best gift of all. YOUR TIME AND CARE. also you can always still make it a happy time and doing stuff together (cooking, playing games, ect.) also make stuff and wrap it up. I have two kids and to be honest I think they have more fun just seeing the gifts and being able to open something. for the most part on matter how much you spend they either dont want it, dont care what it is, or it will break. SO dont be discouraged, STAY happy and do what you can BE in the mood. and always think that Christmas is about giving. and its not really about presents. GIVE TIME, LOVE, CHEER, HAPPINESS, TOGETHERNESS. Just sit down relax watch all the Christmas movies on with some Hot coco and BE HAPPY!!!


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!