Should the fathers baby be in the room when I give birth or should I let my mother come in?

Question

I'm 27 weeks pregnant and I'm begining to think about my bith plan. I am no longer with the father of my baby but we do have a common interest in our son. Is it alright for him to be in the delivery room with me holding my hand and holding my leg? Should he cut the umbelical cord? Should he be this involved in touching me or should I just have him wait in the waiting room and have my mother there? I don't hate the father on my baby, I am very hurt by his decision to leave me pregnant and I know I have to get over that, but how involved should he be if we're not involved?

Answer 1

I would not let the father in the room because he has made the decision not to be with you, so why should he be allowed to witness this miracle? If you two were going to be a mother and father raising the child together, yes he should be there. But right now, he is just the sperm donor. Sure he want to be the a father, but if he wants to be a dad, make the committment to you and raise the child together. A child needs a full-time dad. When is he going to decide to leave the child like he left you? I think he should be at the hospital, see his child after the birth, but the two of you are not a couple.

Your parents have been there for you and will stand behind you in the years to come. The sperm donor is proving he won't.

Answer 2

Well, once that baby is born, it's no longer about you any more. If you feel that the father would be a good father to the baby, then you owe it to the baby to have its daddy in its life. As far as being in the birthing room goes, you are really going to need the people around you that make you feel safe and comfortable. If you are comfortable around him and he wants to be involved in the birth, I don't see any reason that he shouldn't be. You should be able to have as many people in the room with you as you want, so maybe you could have both him and your mother. Either way, congratulations and good luck!

Answer 3

I think that as long as your both okay with it let him in there it is his son also, there are so many men out there who get a woman pregnant and leave and never have anything to do with the baby if he wants to be a part of sons life let him and be thankful that he wants something to do with his son don't make him miss out on the most important day of all 3 of your lives. If you don't want him touching you find a corner he can sit in and watch and let him know if you want him by you, you will let him know.

Same thing for your mother most Dr's and hospital allow 2 people in the delivery room so there's your 2 my last Dr let 5 in and boy did we have fun but my mom was there for all 3 of my sons births and i will be all honest when your in labor and in that much pain the only thing you really want is your mommy.

I think you need to decide and find out if you let both of them in there together can they get along since mothers are overprotective of there daughters an he is the one that left you

hope everything works out for you and the best to you and your son

Answer 4

I think that this is a very personal decision. Are you comfortable with the physical contact? I know that my husband was in the delivery room and it was unbelieveably emotional. Be prepared to regain a strong connection for at least that moment in time. I am sorry to hear about your situation as this happens all too often. I wish you the best, whatever decision that you make. I think that it is okay for him to be in there as long as you both have made up your minds as to the kind of relationship that you are going to have and nothing else gets confused in the process. Good luck!

Answer 5

It really is ultimately up to you, but I would invite him to be at the hospital if he wants, but not in the delivery room. I wouldn't deny him the right to see the baby unless he did horrible things, or was down right undeserving. Seeing the baby may change his whole life. Women have to change right now when they are pregnant. A man has 9 months. Some men have a really hard time accepting what is and can't until it's put into reality. Good luck.

Answer 6

I would definitely say the father. He's the other half to the equation and it's special for a father to experience that. Also, if your mother is anything like mine, she'll just be telling you that you're fine, it's nothing too painful and all about how much pain she went through without any medicine having you. And trust me, that's NOT what you want to be listening to when you're in labor. Nanna's and Papa's get to see the baby once it's here. Let the father be in on the miracle of birth. It's a very emotional experience as well as bonding between you and your husband and the new baby.

Answer 7

Being that you and the father have decided to both be involved in the life of your child, I think you should at least give him the right of first refusal. Otherwise, if you prefer your mother to be with you, and not the father, he should understand. Your relationship bond has already been broken. Let's just hope the father turns out to be a father, and not just a 'daddy'.

Answer 8

That's completely up to you and what you feel comfortable with. You will be going through a lot and be in pain (at least for some for some of the process, even with medicine). You know you could have both him and your mom in the room with you if you want.

Oh and you could always ask him to leave if you need that and have your mom available if it came to that. Good luck, I'm 27 wks too ;)

Answer 9

That's completely up to you and what you want to do.... for myself, I had my husband, my mom and my dad in there... and then when either my mom or dad would leave, my younger brother would even come in because he also wanted to be in there. They first told us just 2 ppl in there with me, but then when we got there, they said 2-3... so if they can both come in, and you want them both there, do that. If you don't feel comfortable with the baby's father holding your hand or leg, then have your mom do it. If the father wishes to cut the umbilical cord, I say go ahead if you are ok with it. Sounds like you'd love for him to be there for you as well as the baby, and if he is ok with it all, go for it.

Goodluck and hope all goes well! I went 19hrs into labor almost fully dilated and then had to have a c-section because my baby just wouldn't descend- he ended up being 9lbs 10oz! lol We were shocked at such a big healthy boy!

Answer 10

The babys father needs to be included in the process but there is no reason why him and your mother cannot both be there, my cousin has 4 kids, and she had every one in the room, I don't think i would go that far, but your babys father should be there, its a beautiful thing I am sure he would not want to miss out on!