PLEASE HELP!! I don't understand!My husband cheated!!?

Question

My husband and I have always been close. I have always been heavy but after my pregnancy I got up to 285lbs, and exercise and diet did not help much. He was always supportive and NEVER said anthing about my weight. He always said as long as your happy, Im happy. Well I wasnt and I finally lost all the weight. I am 5'3 and weigh 135lbs. I must admit I look and FEEL great!! He had to go out of state for 9 months to work. 700 miles away. He ended up having a 5-6 month affair. We are going through counseling, and he realizes how stupid he was. He has begged for forgiveness, and is VERY remorseful. Said he did not know what he was thinking...but that it was just sex..nothing more. I am learning to deal with this. But the one question I have is for the 8 yrs of our marriage when I was fat he never cheated and then I lose weight and look a lot better...he cheats! What gives. Please SERIOUS answers only please. Thanks!

After readin the first answer, i just want evryone to know, that this is something he confessed. I honestly do not believe it has happened before. And Ido not condone cheating whether I was slim or fat, I just know that Iam a much more pleasant person now. My depression is gone.

The reason I did not go is because it was in mississippi after hurricane katrina. Not much housing. There were 17 men from FEMA living in a 5 bedroom house. Not to mention we have a 9 yr old in school here in NC. It just wasnt possible to go with him, although I did make the drive a couple of times.

Answer 1

It isn't always about looks. Opportunity, weakness, boredom, or insecurity could have played roles. Also, if this was his first extended trip out of town, it may have been the first time he had sexual needs you couldn't fill (which is great news in a way, the only reason you couldn't fill them was geography.)

When your husband cheats (or disappoints you in any way), think about whether you can go on with him. If not, you need to separate. If you can forgive this, it is best to do it quickly and start looking forward. Dwelling on a past mistake drags bad feelings on and makes things bad for everyone. If the only time he cheated on you was when you were in another state for months, you obviously fulfill all of his needs and should be able to get your relationship back on track if you can let his very huge mistake go and forgive him.

Answer 2

I think it has less to do with the weight and more to do with the MIA for 9 months. I guarentee, my bed would not be occupied by only one for nine months. If my wife doesn't want someone else on her side, she'd better make sure to be there. I don't go looking, and I don't want anyone more than her, but she has a responsibility in our marriage to keep me fulfilled and satisfied sexually, and if she took off for nine months, that wouldn't happen... she'd need to turn the reigns over to someone else. I did not get married to be celebate for nine months at a stretch.

If there were a medical reason, I'd deal. If she had to leave for a month for some kind of very important family business (death, illness, etc) we'd talk. If she needed to go somewhere for work for three or four months, I'd go too. (If she were the bread winner instead of me.) But nine months? What in the world were you thinking?!

That's not to excuse him from wrong doing. I have carefully and clearly laid out my expectations to my wife. We're not going to be separated for an extended period because we've talked about what that would mean. But there have been people who have been apart for years and been faithful. I don't know how (or why) but there are. If he agreed to it, he should have kept his zipper zipped.

Answer 3

If your husband was out of state for 9 months and said the affair was about sex, leave it at that. For a man who is getting regular sex at home, 9 months is a long time. Did you ever visit him? you might want to stop talking about how stupid your husband was, also. You were 5'3", weighing 285 lbs., and you were stupid enough to think it didn't matter to him. The man has begged your pardon and you're still together, so let go of your pride and get on with the marriage.

BTW: If you keep your man on that guilt trip of yours, you're going to lose him.

Answer 4

Okay at ure heviest he loved well and he supported u. I totally dont understand sweetie that is why sometimes I hestitate on loosing weight because most men feel after a woman loose alot of weight she feels better about herself and starts wearing stuff that makes her feel better and shows of all her hard work. Yes I know how you feel. I was married also when my husband left of 4 years but he didnt cheat. he stayed with a friend and then addmitted himself to the hospital. I am a not so forginvg person cause when u are married to someone u are suppose to be commited to them not going around running off with someone else. And just sex all men say that oh i was lonely and bored and didnt have anything to do. I want good excuses and his dont fit mine but u say ure in therapy just pray and hope for the best do what is in ure heart that is what really matters. Go with ure gut and go with ure heart if heart says yes then go and if u have a funny feeling then go with that. After counsling if he goes again of course u are gonna wonder and if he does it again. he would be out for good. An old saying let sleeping doges lie with flees well 9 times out of 10 if a man does it one time he usally gonna do it again.

Answer 5

i think it does not matter fat or thin it is no excuse for cheating
fact..... if he loved you he wouldn't hurt you and have a affair and for how long he had the affair i would make him step of he would be gone how dare a man think he can do the dirty and beg forgiveness you no what you have done don't you ......
gave him the green light to carry on were he left of
sorry you want the truth that is how i see it
do your self a favour Hun get rid of him you will be more happy
respect
shaz

Answer 6

"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with." His cheating probably had nothing to with your weight but was a result of the fact that he was 700 miles from home for 9 months. Some guys are weak that way.

the lesson if you want to stay with him keep him home.

Answer 7

That isn't his first cheating and it want be his last. Once a cheater always a cheater. You lost weight for him to want you and to look fab for him to make him proud of you. What does he do runs his a** around sleeping with other women, that is the thanks you get for trying to look beautiful for him mostly. Well. girl you look good so find you someone that appreciates you. When you were heavy you can bet your sweet a** he was cheating the whole time. Congratulations on your great weight loss., you did it girl so flaunt it..

Answer 8

he confessed it, wants to move forward, if u love him than keep going to counseling, if he was always a good husband, than at least u have good memories to look back on and this is most likely why u have chosen to forgive and do counseling. he didn't have to tell u, so he truly seems to be sincere.

Answer 9

Some part of him may of thought "Now she looks so great see can easily find someone better so I'll find someone first".

Its stupid and comes out of insecurity, but not everyone is that smart when it comes to their own actions.

Answer 10

Okay, one thing I don't understand is it's almost like you'd "understand" him cheating if you were fat. I think you might have some self-esteem issues because cheating has nothing to do with how fat or thin you are.