How many mom's know what it's like to raise a high needs child?

Question

I have noticed that there are alot of mom's on here that critisize other moms (or dads) for things. For example I was just reading a question about a mom who lets her child sleep in a swing for naptime and there were countless people that responded to her question with comments like "why would you let your child sleep in a swing, why not just put them down and let them fall asleep on their own in their bed?" Because for some of us it's not that easy, my son also sleeps in his swing because he WILL NOT sleep in his crib at naptime. I don't see the point in leaving him in his crib screaming at the top of his lungs choking himself for a long period of time. I have tried to let him fall asleep on his own but he screams and chokes himself after even 10 minutes so theres no way I would let him do that for hours until he falls asleep when I can pick him up, comfort him and allow him to sleep in his swing.

I just want to know why so many people are so quick to judge and assume that what works for their babies works for everyone else's baby. My son is a high needs child and is different than other children so he needs to be taken care of differently, every child needs different things, all babies don't like the same things and the same things don't work for every baby.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050400.asp
I don't mean to sound like a b**** it was just something that I noticed today and it bothered me.

Actually yes my son WAS born that way.

I understand that there are children out there that are alot higher needs than my son, like children with disablities, and mental handicaps, I'm refering to his personality., if you had've went to the website I posted then you would've understood what I meant.

Answer 1

You have a high needs child, but it's not like he was BORN that way. You have made him that way and you have only yourself to blame for that.

He's screaming at the top of his lungs because he has no idea how to calm himself. Why doesn't he know how to calm himself? Because you tended to his every need instead of letting him learn how to soothe himself without your help.

I don't mean to sound like a b**** either, but don't ask a question looking for people to back you up when you have only yourself to blame for your "high needs" child.

Answer 2

OH MY GOD!! I know exactly what you are talking about!!! My son is 18 months almost 19 months and still will not totally sleep through the night unless he is with me. I end up on the couch most nights just so I can catch a few more hours. He is doing better at getting himself to sleep at first but won't cry himself to sleep in the middle of the night. I also had the same probs with him as a baby. Needed my attention more than anything, always wanting to be held, the only way he would sleep is in a swing too!! He was very colicky and always fussy. He still is just in a different way. I know how you feel. I didn't know what was wrong with him until my doctor explained it to me and gave me a huge stack of papers to read on high needs babies. I don't judge, if you need a swing to put your baby to sleep, then do it. Don't let anyone tell you that you are doing it wrong, not everyone knows what it is like to have a child that cries for you constantly and always wants to be held. I hardly ever put him down when he was a baby. I had to do everything one handed. He still cries for me. I can't shower or go to the bathroom alone!!

Answer 3

My oldest was a complacent happy baby. He napped in his swing. I saw nothing wrong with it. He slept great - anywhere, anytime. I got my rest and got things done. Everyone was happy. Where is the problem in that? He was not 'high needs' but at 6 was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome (a 'high-functioning form of autism). I am assuming your child is still quite young. A writer before put to try a child with real high-needs such as FAS. Kudos to her for taking care of a child (yes, I have seen this in a baby, my cousin suffered from FAS - her dad was an alcholic) but your child may be undx with something. Perhaps an allergy or such. Some children just do require more work.
My second son never liked to nap - anywhere. He did not even like to be in the swing. Just with me. Know what. He was only little for a short time. So I kept him with me. He is now a happy, confident, well-adjusted 4 yr old. He slept in a crib at night by himself but tended to cat nap thru the day - believe me, not for lack of me trying. Enjoy your little one. Do what is best for you and him and your family. You are right, all children are different, that is why they don't come with a standard guide. Nevermind what other people say or think. YOU are his mother.
Good luck!!

Answer 4

People don't understand unless they have been there. My third was a high needs baby. He is still very active, and does things that my other two children never did. I used ti let him nap in his swing too. He had reflux and lying him down seemed to make it worse, and he would just wake up screaming. At night he slept with me and I had to sleep with his head on my arm the whole night. Try not to take it personally. People like to point fingers when things are done differently than they would do it. Don't let it get to you. My youngest is 5 and has no ill effects from napping in his swing. :-)

Answer 5

People think that they know everything but until they are in your situation. I let my first sleep in the swing and was blessed with my second from the beggining would fall asleep on her own she doesnt even cry. But whatever works for you then do it. People are very judgemental my daughter is a high need baby she has a feeding tube and numerous medical issues and I hate the looks I get when we have to weigh her and get her undressed and others stare and alot of people like to give their advice and say if you really tried you could feed her they dont know.

Answer 6

None of my kids are high needs like that, but I can kind of see the point in the above examples. Doctors tell you to get your kid to fall asleep in their beds to prevent sleeping problems later on. Every parent needs to do what they think is best for thier child of course, but if my baby would only sleep in a swing, I would start to wonder, well what am I going to do when he's too big for it?

Answer 7

EDIT TO ADD: I did go to the website. I read it and Dr. Sears in no way say's "put your child in a swing" if they are high needs. If you are going to select a source then you better one that defends what you are doing. I read it before writing my question and then after. I still stand by the fact that you are complaining about something most mothers go through.

I would sometimes leave my son in his swing for naptime. I also would get him to fall asleep in this crib--after rocking him to sleep. All children are "high need." It's just a matter of how much time you want to spend on that need.

Of course many, many babies sleep better in their swing but you cannot tell me those children cannot also fall asleep in their mother's arms and then put into their bed. It's a matter of taking the time to figure out what it is to get them to sleep. Soon, your son will no longer be small enough to be in the swing but will rely on the swing to fall asleep--trust me, I've seen it happen many times. Then you'll have an even harder times trying to get him to take a nap.

You have to implement a routine and stick by it which makes naptime far easier. I always tell people that parenting is not about convenience. Sure, it’s easy to put him in a swing now but do you realize what could happen maybe two, three, or four months later? I have no clue how old your son is but I’m sure he’s still young if he’s in a swing still. Just give it a putting him down a try. You have to make it work. It doesn’t just happen when they cannot fit in the swing. I feel as parents, using a swing, is just a treat to get our children to fall asleep faster.

I do want to point out in your title you said "high need." Give me a break! If you think your son is high needs try having a child with FAS. Try having a child with down syndrome. Try having a child with real “high needs."

Answer 8

For me it substitute into significant, confident, necessary to the flaws they mandatory to be uncovered to and learn. Me, having had Church and Sunday college guided by using my religious Christian mom found out fairly youthful there particularly substitute into " a greater suitable ability". That of direction is my very own philosophies and that i won't tell others what's stable. I do have self assurance tho that babies raised with God of their lives generally do substitute into ethical ethical adults.

Answer 9

Ya know, there are always gonna be people out there that criticize. But the thing is, as far as letting a baby take a nap in a swing- who cares as long as the baby is getting enough sleep and is happy and healthy? You were exactly right on with what you said about not wanting your baby to scream and choke in a crib- maybe we should be criticizing the mothers who force their babies to do what THEY deem that the baby should be doing. YOU CANNOT SPOIL A YOUNG INFANT> They need to know that you are their caregiver and that you will do whatever it takes to make them happy. My baby happens to take naps in his crib- but not all babies do what they are "supposed" to do. You are doing everything right =)

*and to VATO- you will only have yourself to blame when your children think that all of thier friends' parents are cooler....you sound like you are going to be running a military school. And there IS a difference between High Needs children and Special Needs children. It's simply terminology that books use. Why attack her for using common words that everyone uses?

And also- I accidentally clicked on your profile, VATO, and talking about bad grammar? Why don't you take this paragraph that you wrote to an English teacher and have them point out the many ways that you have committed "bad grammar":

"I dislike people on Y!A who use bad grammar, spelling, and/or cannot compose themselves. Petty, I know but it just bothers me and I have issues with taking those people seriously."

Answer 10

I have found that only parents of 1 child are so quick to judge. Most people find that every child is different and can't be raised the same after having a few. They will open their eyes if they have more or spend any kind of time in a daycare or preschool facility. Don't listen to them.

Answer 11

You can feel free to let your child sleep anywhere you please but when you let your child do what he/she wants then don't be surprised when a few years later you have a child that is like the kids on supernanny who make all the decisions for you and tell you what they will and will not do. You need to set the rules for your kids not the other way around.