What can I do about my wife being overweight?

Question

I love her and she is about 70 lbs overweight. She has been overweight always since I met her, although she was about 40 lbs overweight then (11 years ago). She really has been about the same for about 8 years.
If she stays this way forever, I am OK with it. However, I would be lying if I said I wouldn't like her to lose it. I would like it and I know she would too. She says she wants to but does not follow through with any real changes in her life. I exercise and all that and I am in pretty good shape, and she doesn't.
I have done everything imaginable to help her - encourage her to work out with me, praise her when she loses a few pounds, and *never* complain about her putting it back on. I'll cook her anything she wants to eat however healthy but it just never works, because she wants me to eat much less too (yet I am not overweight).
I love her to death but I think we would be better off if she lost the weight. What can we do here? Gastric band is a last resort....

Just to be clear if she never changes that is OK. My biggest problem is that she tells me about how much she wants to lose weight and how I don't help her enough. I tell her that I can help but ultimately SHE has to do it - she is not buying it.

As for eating less - I am a big guy (6'1 230 lbs muscular) I work out a lot and am very active. I eat about 4000-5000 calories a day and I rapidly lose weight and become weak if I eat less. I just simply need much more than she does so it is not practical or even feasible for me to eat much less.

Answer 1

You sound like a wonderful caring and loving husband. Its great to see some men will except their wives for who they are and not be so narrow minded to always worry about the appearance of their wives. You have done everything you can for your wife. She needs to shut up and put up. How can she sit there and regulate your eating and physical appearance when shes too lazy to help herself. How the heck does it help her if you eat less...its more on what you eat. She is coming up w/every excuse in the book. I really dont know what to say to you since you seem to be doing everything you can. You can only help someone if they want to be helped. Losing weight is a mindset...think of food as not a luxury but a need for survival. Once she changes some of her habits it gets easier but you mentally have to be ready and coach yourself. Simple things like cutting out pop and driink water or when having a craving have a glass of milk. No snacks or fast food. Dont eat late nor early. When having a craving get off your **** and do something. Keep your mind busy and take a daily vitamin and get plenty of sleep. To speed up the reshaping of your body and to help lose weight I do Windsor Pilates. Its wonderful and I love it. Good luck w/this and I truly feel she should give it a more honest effort. I've been overweight once I had my kids and refused to stay that way. I was 215 lbs at 5'4 and now in a size 4-6 weighing 120. It is possible but only she can make that decision.

Answer 2

You gotta help her get thru that first wall. The hardest part of weight loss is being impatient. She would only need to lose about 10 solid lbs before she could feel some change, and then another 5 she would would feel and see some change. That is the point where people get hooked. After they SEE results.

Remember Burn more calories than you take in. Its easy to have a diet of 1000 Calorie/day

Fruit & Special K for Breakfast
Fruit & Pretzels for snacks
Veggies and Grilled chicken/fish, or a lean cusine for Lunch
Salad and Grilled/Baked Chicken/Fish/Can Tuna/Can of Soup for dinner.
Stawberries and whipcream for dessert.

I personally can eat a nice big salad everyday, put all your fav stuff on it, minus the fatty dreasings, they make all types of low fat and fat free kind. Remember Lots of Water.

If you follow that menu, for two weeks, plus increased exercise you will see Great results. You may have to wait untill after the holiday. Record everything on Fitday.com its free.
I'm sure you guys alrady had this talk before. Go to the store and buy something sexy together that she can't fit now but will be able to 10 lbs later, Then another 10. Have a goal of a nice weekend away after 30, and something big like a cruise after 50. Or whatever she wants

Bottom line, i think most people suffer cause we think "diet food" is nasty. Well make tasty food with out the fat, and use portion control, after a week she will feel her stomach shrink.
I think 2500 Cal = 1 lb

Answer 3

First, the best way to help her lose weight is actually eatin less if you expect her too. If you eat more even though you aren't overweight, you'll tempt her to eat more even though she knows she shouldn't. do you think her weight is affecting her life/health. If it is, you should tell her. She may need the right motivation to keep her going. just because you want her to lose the weight doesn't mean she wants to lose it for you. maybe if she knew she'd benefit herself from it she'll be more willing to try it out and succeed. Diets overall are hard and so is the exercise. She may need to start off with some basic things, like walking a few minutes a day and drinking more water, so her body and mind will adjust to the change.

Answer 4

The bottom line is there is nothing YOU can do. It's her body and her weight problem. I understand that you would like it if she lost it and I'm sure she would too, but any pushing from you will only be counter-productive. Instead of being motivated, you may make her feel more self conscious and that will lead to more eating and more weight gain. You also run the risk of losing the sex-life because if she doesn't feel sexy and attractive she's not going to want to give you any or she'll hide under the covers in complete darkness and give it to you.
At this point all you can do is be supportive and if she brings it up, then suggest ideas, but again, ultimately it's up to her to lose it.

Answer 5

I would normally bite your head off just by reading your question without the details, but it souns like you're ok. You did say it's ok if she doesn't lose the weight, so you win a gold star. Ha Ha. Anyway, women often overeat or eat unhealthy, fattening things for emotional reasons. Find out what's missing in her life (besides satisfaction with her physical appearance). For instance, I eat a lot of chocolate when I'm stressed or angry at my husband (actually he would like me to gain a little weight). Men, however, tend to do physical activity (exercise) when under stress. This is just differences in socialization and biological differences between men and women. Just to give you an idea, in women, chocolate consumption releases the same "pleasure" hormones as does sex (but then I don't know if chocolate is her downfall). Find out if she is unhappy about something else (her job, her self-esteem. Has the "fizzle" left your marriage in her eyes?) and help her fix that instead of discussing weight. Even though you say you don't "demand" her to lose weight or belittle her about it, she may still feel a little insecure when it's mentioned. Then, the cycle continues: she feels bad about herself, so she eats. It's just a suggestion. Good luck.

Answer 6

She really has to want it for herself. You are doing what every overweight wife would wish he husband to do. If she is unwilling to put the effort toward her issue then the best you can do is cook healthy meals and when you go to exercise ask her if she would like to come along.

I myself am struggling with the battle of the bulge. I've got 90 pounds to loose, and I know its going to be a long road to travel.

My husband is naturally thin, always has been and probably always will be. So when we have meals we eat about the same things, but later when I'm not around he will have a sandwich to complete the meal. He needs to eat more, I need to eat less. This is how we compromised.

Answer 7

She is telling you that she doesn't like her situation, but she is not motivated or disciplined enough to do it by herself. Slow down your exercise pace and join her. Play tennis, or racquetball. Go swimming (during a not so public time). Find something fun to help her get over the initial insecurity or embarrassment she's feeling. Try dancing! Right now telling her she ultimately has to do it herself doesn't help. It just tells her she's in this alone. Eat her meals with her, and get your extra intake some other time. Sacrifice your physical training now and you'll both be in great shape in the future.

Answer 8

Start a walking program with her. After dinner, say, "Honey, let's go for a walk." Don't mention the weigt. Just start the walking. If you can get a neighborhood kid to watch the kids for a hour after dinner every wekday, she will love you for it. It will also give you two an hour alone to just hang. She can lose up to 12 pounds a month like this. You will have a new wife come summer!

Answer 9

Try taking fitness classes together, and try to make it something you can do together, so she feels encouraged to do it, and try to go to the gym together like a couple times a week. Because maybe you need to be her support to get her going on this weight loss, and I'm sure you both would end up closer in ur relationship, and lookin good in the process.

Answer 10

Seriously, there is nothing you can do. She knows she's overweight. So, telling her will do no good and making suggestions on how to lose weight will make her do the complete opposite. She already told you what she needs you to do--evidently she wants you to eat less also. So, if you are that adament about wanting to know what to do, there is your answer.