I have photos, letters and odd's and ends that are from the time I was still married to my ex. Should I keep the letters/e-mail and photos or should I get rid of them?
I thought it might be a good idea to keep the letters because he may want to in the future get custody of our child. He unfortuantely abused us and the info might be useful in a court case if it should ever arise.
I do not have animosity (or any feelings for that fact) towards my ex, but at the same time I wonder if I should be holding on to the stuff.
Should I bin the photos? Or should I just pack them in a box for when my son is grown up and wants to see pictures of his dad?
I have a new man in my life and I don't want him to think that I am still holding on to the past.
What is your best advice...
2006-12-18 05:31:50 · 50 answers · asked by Spinnekop 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should first talk to your current man about the situation. Reassuring him that there are no hidden feelings for your ex and the reason for keeping his things around are purely for your son. Honesty is the best way to start and continue a relationship. Then I would keep only the necessities for your son, pictures, letters, special presents if any. Mark the box with your son's name and store it with his other belongings. If there was not a child in the picture then there would be no reason other than evidence needed for the future to keep belongings.
2006-12-18 05:38:54 · answer #1 · answered by Jayne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By the sounds of it you should definitely keep everything.
The letters and emails will be useful in court if like you said he wants custody in the future. As for the photos it would be good if you kept some to show your son when he is older so putting them In a box and putting them at the back of a closet somewhere should be fine.
I think you should speak to your new man about this, he will understand why you are doing it and most likely be more happier that you spoke to him about it instead of keeping it from him.
Good luck xxx
2006-12-18 05:43:54 · answer #2 · answered by anastacia500 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make up a box of the things that you would like to be able to give to your son and put it away somewhere. You may want to keep the letters in a file for later (if you think that you will need them). Depending on how long you were married (and how happy you were) you might want to keep one or two pictures (I keep mine with my divorce papers), but don't keep anything else. If you are in contact with your ex, ask him if he would like any of the photos and such, and tell him that you are getting rid of everything so he should let you know now.
2006-12-18 05:53:28 · answer #3 · answered by SUSAN N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should keep everything, but in keeping it just box it up and put it in storage, marking one box specifically for your child and one box for any potential future court case that might be coming to light. When and if the time is right you can toss the court case box and when your child is old enough you can give him his box. I pray the new man in your life does not see that as any type of "holding onto the past" issue, you would be doing what is best for both you and your child. Prayers and Merry Christmas!
2006-12-18 05:37:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say hold on to the letters (for custody purposes) but put them up....far away from you...like in the basement or attic
Box the pictures up for your son....I don't believe in throwing photos away.
Get rid of any other belongings unless your son would have a need for them later. Don't carry baggage from an abusive relationship into your new relationship. Live, love and let go!!!
2006-12-18 05:35:22 · answer #5 · answered by Wife~and~Mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you correctly answered your Question :) Please read on...
In the future it is only right that the child see's who his "real" Dad is, so saving the photo's of when you were together would be useful for him as he grows up. That's in addition to being able to see his child still regularly, whoever the son lives with.
The letters could also certainly "assist", as evidence, if there was a court case and you required some information to backup claims.
Best advice would be to put it all together in a shoebox and put that up in the attic, OUT OF THE WAY, for safe keeping!
2006-12-18 08:21:43 · answer #6 · answered by GuessWho 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do as I did. Make a special photo album of "me and my dad" for your son. He still has a father and he has to have memories of him and his family. Don't let it be the kid with no pictures of his dad, or no memories of him. You can toss the one of the two of you as a couple, but hold on to the ones while you were pregnant or of him holding the baby and playing with his dad as a child. This is important to your son and forms part of him.
s far as emails and letters, you shoudl keep the ones that directly referr to the case but don;t keep them all. Keep the ones that are relevant and toss the rest, There is no need to drag on this negativity forever.
Now that you have a new man in your life, purge the photo albums (this will take time) and save the best pics of your ex and your child for him.
Good luck
2006-12-18 05:40:08 · answer #7 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel the need to hang on to the letters and emails for the reasons that you stated, then just explain to the new boyfriend or hubby, the reasons for it and box them up. You probably should try and keep pictures for your son, since for the most part, the ex husband probably doesn't have any. That is just something to save for your child and he will appreciate it when he is older.
2006-12-18 05:40:37 · answer #8 · answered by jerrycarr99029 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you have a fear of a custody battle coming that you should start the ball rolling just for protection for yourself and your child. I personally kept photos, so my girls will know who their father is and I will keep all the bad things so they will know everything. Then I will leave the decision up to them on weather or not they want him part of their lives. Just don't ever talk bad about his father in front of him and don't allow anyones else to degrade is father, because then it will come back to you in the end!! I am also in a new relationship and my girls know him as their father and I tell them no different until they are old enough to understand everything that happened!! Good luck and if you need to ever talk look me up!!
2006-12-18 05:37:34 · answer #9 · answered by Floridapurrfection 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put it all in a box, seal it up and put in storage. You are not holding on to the past but being sensible about your future. If it feels right then do it, you answer to yourself and no one else.
You have been through the mill by the sounds of it and I know where your coming from, so box it up and forget about it, then if its needed its there to help you not upset you or send out the wrong message to those around you.
Hope this helps, good luck.
2006-12-18 08:54:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋