We had a party at the weekend, and everyone was drinking, and my husband's best friend was really flirting with me. He was there with his girlfriend, too, but he was coming on to me in a big way, cuddling me, touching my breasts, calling me sexy, and in the kitchen there was a scary moment when we could have kissed. I always suspected he liked me, but nothing like this has happened before.
I've been married 8 years, together 10. I love my husband, and have never cheated on him. We tell each other everything, so I told him about this. He didn't mind at all, and found it quite a turn on! He finds it a compliment when another man wants me. We are very open and trusting with each other, which is why I told him in the first place. He doesn't feel threatened at all.
Now I can't stop thinking about this guy, because I have to admit it turned me on too, and my husband is ok with it, and was asking how far I would go. What next?
2006-12-18 05:17:18 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Great answers so far!
Just nate and others with similar thoughts, I think you may well have hit the nail on the head in that the thought of it is probably more of a turn on than the reality of it. To be honest, I really don't think I could actually do anything with another man. I do only have eyes for my husband. This just came as a bit of a surprise, that's all, and it scared me to death.
And I am no trailer trash, whoever said that. We are both middle class, professional people. Nice house, cars, etc.
2006-12-18 05:36:15 · update #1
DON"T GO ANY FARTHER!!!
you are married and your commitment is to your husband... not his friends. Your husband was thrilled at the prospect that someone else likes you, or is attracted to you... it means he's proud of you and himself... of the two of you together... it doesn't mean he want you to act on it. It means he trusts you completely. My wife has a great @ss, and people (my friends) tell me and her all of the time... We tell each other everything too... it makes me feel good when someone else notices that I have a wonderful wife with a hot body... likewise, she likes it when people comment on my looks or character... but it doesn't mean either of us will do anything about it. We trust each other... that's why it doesn't bother me when my friends say she has a great body. Because I know nothing will ever happen. Why would either of us want to do anything with anyone else anyways? We're happy.
Besides, if your husbands friend is actually willing to cross the line... then he is a sleaze-ball anyway... it would cheapen what you and your husband share. You ended up with the right guy... and he loves you... do not mistake his lack of concern for lack of caring, or a liscense to do something you'll regret later... he probably does care very much and would be beside himself if he thought he couldn't trust you. Kapeesh?
2006-12-18 05:31:17 · answer #1 · answered by just nate 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Considering you have such frank communication, your best bet would be to sit down with your husband and find out exactly what it is he wants. He may just be justifying his own infidelity by playing it like he is not jealous or concerned. He may be interested in swinging or swapping.
Do you think you would have the maturity, tolerance, intelligence, patience and other traits it takes to undertake an open or exclusive open relationship in you marriage? Would you want to risk it just to satisfy the curiosity this incident has awakened in you? You may be at a point in your marriage that would allow you to feesibly have this kind or relationship but you will never know if it is posssible if you do not dialog with your husband. Don't take the risk of 'cheating' on him and having it blow up in your face. There is no garantee that it would not blow up in your face were you to agrre with your husband anyway but it is better than doing it behind each others' back.
I have been married for 20 years and have sustained an exclusive open marriage for the past 13 with no repercussions to my marriage, my family life or my social life.
Human nature, especially male human nature, tends to by poligamous. Why not allow yourself to explore the possibilities in a responsible manner causing the least amount of harm or no harm to al those invloved.
If you care to expand on the subject I would be happy to tel you how my wife and I went on about it. I can be reached at Rex97979@yahoo.com.
Nate says that all he is accustomed to are the compliments that he and his wife receive. You said there was groping and more and that your husband asked you how far you would go. That does not constitute the situation nate is living. Don't fool yourself. Consider all the differences between your situation and Nates before going any further and taking anyone's advice.
2006-12-18 05:39:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think the best solution is to use this situation as fun fantasy play with your husband. When you two are in bed with one another talk about that weekend party. Ask what he would have found hot to see you do with his friend. Then you could add on to what he says. This way you are really not doing anything wrong, yet still having fun with the fantasy of it. Never hurts to add fantasy to your marriage. Plus your husband gave you the clue that the idea sounded exciting to him. I am sure he would like to play talk about it. And remember...sometimes fantasies are just better as a fantasy.
2006-12-18 06:24:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you are thinking about this way too much. seriously.
your husband may be turned on by the thought of his ever so sexy wife being so irresistible to another man, but i think the thought of you with another man is a totally different issue. he may not feel threatened because he is so comfortable in the knowledge that you love him he has not worry about you ever going through with such a fantasy. so i think what your husband is actually ok with is you being so hot and sexy. not you sleeping around with other men.
2006-12-18 05:31:12 · answer #4 · answered by Bella 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you and your husband have a marriage as my wife and I had (I say had only due to the fact she passed away this month). We had a very liberal marriage, we told each other of things as you described, we had other watch us and us watch them as long as you both are open to it, there's no harm. With my wife and I there was no jealousy, and we knew our love for each other was strong, we knew who we was going home with in the end. Talk to you husband and his friend along with the friends girl-friend. you may have a "special" friendship in the end between the 4 of you. By the way my wife and I was married almost 21 years.
2006-12-18 07:51:27 · answer #5 · answered by TC_43 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand. It is a turn on to your husband because of the honesty that arised out of situation. It's not meant to be acted upon. This is a good thing because it shows that he appreciates your sexuality. And he appreciates you even more because his best friend sees the same thing in you that he does. Look at this as an opportunity to be open and honest with your husband and not as an opportunity to be a ho.
2006-12-18 05:21:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
U know what him telling u that, what happened was a turn on might be natural for some men but ur a married woman and u should act as such!! If u luv ur husband then u will act accordingly and tell his friend to fall back and respect your marriage.
For all u know this could be a test or a way for ur husband to start cheating or divorce ur assssss!!
Let's be smart here, cause if ur gonna cheat or flirt, it should be w/someone he doesn't know.
2006-12-18 05:24:56 · answer #7 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your husband trusts you and I dont think you should give in to temptation. His best friend should think twice about messing with you and you too should keep your focus on your man. I am glad you are open with him but dont be foolish about your feelings. Feelings and emotions lie to one. My advise is to choose what is right and not to give in to what is not right! My answer to your question is think the right thoughts and take your thoughts captive or you will wish you had never met the man!
2006-12-18 05:36:39 · answer #8 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What next? Do not pursue this man, use the turn on that you and your husband are feeling to bring you and your husband closer, anything other than that is asking for trouble. Not worth the pain it will cause to so many down the road. And believe me there will be pain caused if you persue this.
2006-12-18 05:20:08 · answer #9 · answered by locknkey 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like the situation is such that you both have very open and honest communication. So, the question is, "how far do you want it to go?"
Start talking about it, your fantasies, and what you would like to happen.
My only cautionary advice here is: Don't do it if his girlfriend isn't all for it. That would be him cheating on her.
For some great information on this, check-out the Swingers Advice section of The Swingers Board (link below).
2006-12-18 05:21:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋