my issues with trust?

Question

hi all i need a bit of advice.basically i have been hurt MANY times in my life,in very horrible ways too especially with men and now i find it so hard to trust,even friends.now i have had this very special friend in my life since july,he has been through similar to me and has helped me overcome my illnesses and to be strong.he is the person i also love but he doesn't love me,that doesn't bother me though,i just want us to be friends forever.on thursday we met up again and he took me in his arms and promised me to always be my friend.i WANT to believe him but i just don't trust ANYONE.Please help if you can and be gentle as i really love this person.

Answer 1

Your trust issues are not going to just go away overnight, and there is nothing anyone can tell you that will make them go away either.
However after all your past pain you have allowed yourself to love this person which means there must be some degree of trust between you both.
I personally don't believe you should trust anyone fully because i think that it is just asking for trouble. However this person has helped you through alot and you love them, trust will come eventually so all you need to do is show them the same kindness that they show you. Don't push them away because of this issue, it will only hurt more in the long run.
Good luck xxx

Answer 2

It can be hard to trust some since the same things keep happening again and so it makes you push guys away and quit the dating scene, but there are different types of people. Might help if made an attempt to start with small things and work your way from there. Does your friend know you have trust issues? if not now would be the best time to tell him and maybe he can be an even better friend and help you work on your problems so you can break the chains of troubled trust. At some point you learn that trusting people whether you want to or not will help you do what you have to do in other aspects in your life and even help out with the your fut instinct. Just keep and open mind and talk to your friend I am sure he will be willing to help and anyway he can but you have to tell him.

Answer 3

I'm going to be honest with you,from what you say i think you are strange.
You sound like a very needy person and the way you look at people and your expectations from them are far too high.

If you are not looking for a love fest from this guy mate of yours then where is the problem?
How exactly do you think he is going to hurt you? is it from not being your friend anymore??
what exactly do you expect from him? As a friend what more can he do for you except just be there for you as a friend. But you do have to remember that friends come and go no matter how close you were with them.

No one can make a promise like that , to stay your friend forever. I'm sure he had good intentions and felt that way when he said it but things and people change. And I'm sure that he will try his best to uphold this but you obviously want more from him then you are letting on and you are obviously trying to convince yourself otherwise which is why you are posting this question.

Answer 4

Well..this trust issue is very common among women , and believe me they have the right to have lack of trust on anyone, even they're friends !! But , it is absolutely not the end of the world when we got cheated by a friend or two or..three ! there's over 6 Billions of people on this earth , you can't just ignore them and keep living by yourself..
As for your beloved friend , this happend with me too ( actually it's happening right now , I love one of my best friends she doesn't ,and that's why i feel i really I understand whet you're going through ) and the solution is , listen to your heart , better be his friend , friendship is a place where you can find peace of mind and also happiness , you feel he is trustworthy , have trust in him , and don't be afraid that one day he'll cheat you..you have nothing to lose !!

Answer 5

What you have found is some just like yourself. Someone who has been hurt in the past and is not looking to hurt anyone. You have a true friend, one you can trust and one that will be by your side. Cherish the friendship as good friends are hard to find

Answer 6

hi,
ive been hurt many of times aswel. not only by men but by my best mate. its hard i no, but you need to realise that every person is different. dont make other peoples mistakes ruin this friendship. he seems like a really nice guy, and by the way you discribed him he seems quite genuine. give him a chance to prove himself. im not saying you have to trust him straight away, cause trust is something you gain. just take each day as it comes and be willing to take what he has to offer (the friendship).
if he is not trustworthy then you should be able to tell if you are as close as you portray.
good luck n merry xmas

Answer 7

Trust is a very fragile things and once that is broken or betrayed there really isn't any way to go back, but it seems that this person seems genuine so take it slowly and only tell him things about you that you comfortable with him knowing.

Answer 8

Have you considered getting counseling? People who have been hurt MANY times in very horrible ways repeat behavioral patterns over and over. You can't expect another person to heal your hurts, you need to learn from your mistakes, and stop repeating the actions that cause you to make poor choices in men and friends. He can't make you trust people- it's something you need to learn for yourself.

Answer 9

Do you trust yourself?I understand you have been hurt several times,but you have to decide which kinds of relationship you need.Remind you it doesn't exist two people in this world who are similar.Maybe you act too quickly.There are still honnest people even though they are limited.You have to change your life and know what you want.Good luck

Answer 10

funny enough i also had a tough time trusting friend, family, in my relationship.... i just believed that everyone was a liar. what helped me is that i realized that if something was going to happen to me or my heart that i couldn't handle, God would let me know even if the person was the best liar there was. example: my boyfriend promised me he stopped smoking and i believed him. a few months later, im chillin with him and his friends and their telling a story about something that happened to them the week before and in the story they mentioned that my boo was smoking. i looked at him without even saying anything he knew he was caught in a lie. i believe i was placed there so i could find out cuz i usually dont hang out with his friends.
that was my first point, second: you have to know the people who surround you. not just know them, but know them know them. know them to the point where you doubt have to doubt them, cuz its not like them to lie( at least not to friends)