My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months. He's been divorced about 9 years and I'm recently divorced. We both care alot for each other and keep each other good company. He mentioned that if he starts to care too much for me he'll back off. I don't quit understand him. Help? Can someone give me a good explantion why he would do this?
2006-12-18 04:38:16 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well there's a few reason why he could be doing this. The first is he might want to make sure that you are the one and not (just in his eyes) another mistake. And visa versa. Men seem to want perfection when it is something they truly care about. If not they get mad, upset, confused, and the knowledge of not making that same mistake again. It just might take some time for him to truly believe it could work. Now on the other hand, he just might not want to go through that whole ordeal again. Sometimes when men make there mind up it is very hard to change it. Give it a little more time. Then go and have a serious chat with him. Tell him your feelings and open your heart to him. He will let you know in do time what he wants.
2006-12-18 04:48:27 · answer #1 · answered by S-Darcy-81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it might be that he is afraid of another commitment. Maybe he had a bad experience with his marriage and is afraid of doing the same thing all over again. Nine years is a long time and you would think he would be over it and ready to move on but the fact is that some people never get over what happened to them in a marriage that went bad. If I were you, I would invite him over, serve a little wine and snacks and get him nice and comfortable into conversation and then ask him why he feels he needs to back off when he feels he cares about you to much. Communication is everything in a relationship. You have to feel free to ask your partner anything.
2006-12-18 12:52:21 · answer #2 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably being careful. You've both come out of divorces. Even though his is older than yours, it may still be painful for him. He probably doesn't want to put either of you through the pain of heartbreak again. Four months isn't that long. Give yourselves more time to really get to know each other. The comfort level with caring about each other should increase with time in the relationship.
2006-12-18 12:42:49 · answer #3 · answered by iuneedscoachknight 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is telling you not to have your hopes high about marrying him because he is not interested in marriage again.
He is telling you that if you insist that you would like a serious relationship with him, is not going to happen because he knows good and well that he might end up getting tied again and that he just wants to keep playing the field for a while
good luck
2006-12-18 12:43:44 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, actually I can help you with this one, because I used to do the same thing. If he had a serious relationship with somone in the past where he gave alot of himself and ended up in failure or something else, then it is very hard to let your guard down again. It is hard because you get hurt so bad that you never ever want to put your self in a similar situation again. It is not a bad thing. If he backs off, then you still be your same self during this, it may not be fair for you , but this will prove to him that you are not the same person who hurt him in the past. the ""backing off""" is a way to auto protect and be in safe mode. it has nothing to do with your relationship. but it has alot to do with his feelings and trying to mend the broken trust and heart. If you really like him then stick it out, trust me it will pay off in the end. But unfortunatley for you, you have to prove your worthy for him to trust. i wish you the best of luck....
2006-12-18 12:47:32 · answer #5 · answered by DISSAPOINTED WENDY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is probably scared of being hurt. If you truly have strong feelings for him, I would just tell him that you don't understand why he would want to back off when things start getting a little more serious. Be honest with him, and he will be honest with you.
2006-12-18 12:49:14 · answer #6 · answered by Jan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's afraid of commitment. Maybe he got hurt really bad with that divorce and he doesn't want to go thru that again.
2006-12-18 12:41:23 · answer #7 · answered by kiwi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think he is using u for a company.He knows if he started to care about u more than before ,he'll fal in love with u seriously and yet he is thinking about his earlier wife or relationship.he doesn't want to be in condintion of chosing a side.
may be he is still trying to make his first relation as before.
or
he is just scared of falling in love with you.thinking that you may not reject him.
2006-12-18 12:51:02 · answer #8 · answered by virgo1982 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be scared of being hurt or disappointed again. If he did something to cause his divorce he maight also be afraid he will hurt you too.
2006-12-18 12:43:35 · answer #9 · answered by PDH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was hurt in the past and doesn't want to go through it again. Some simple booty makes him happy.
2006-12-18 12:41:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋