we had sex the other night i fell so bad and i know that he did also. We did not use any protection.. there is a chance that I might be pregant.. So right now I really dont know what to do! He's married but he realizes that he made a terrible mistake by marrying his wife. Please respond and give me some honest and good adivce. I love him so much and I'm willing to go through hell in order to bring us back together. Should I stay or should I leave?
2006-12-18 04:33:45 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi Eureka,
Some of what I think was already said here.
I know you're in love with this man. However, the way you are going about things is going to cause both you, him, and his wife (and any family) much more heartache.
Love that lasts is expressed by doing what is best for someone else, regardless of the cost to yourself. What you are doing right now is not permitting either him or you to make the decisions you need to be making.
The man you care about is married. He doesn't like his marriage and thinks it was a mistake. He needs to make a decision all on his own (without your involvement) whether to go or stay. His relationship with you is another topic entirely. Right now, his job is to either fix his marriage or free his wife from the marriage, and then take responsibility for the results of his decision.
Your involvement and your having sex with him is confusing the issue for him. He now can use you as an excuse to divorce, before he really resolves the issue for himself. Not only is this bad for him, in order for him to become a strong man of integrity; but it sets you up later for him to perhaps have the same wishy-washy attitude in your relationship.
Also, using his relationship with you as an "escape" of sorts does not permit him to evaluate your chance of being happily with you. He could easily find himself unhappy with YOU in a few years (if not sooner).
You need to back off and give him space to make these decisions. You don't want a guy like this, even if you feel like you love him now.
When you say you will "go through hell to bring us back together," that does not sound like love to me. That sounds like you want him and you'll do anything to get him, regardless of what it costs you or him or anyone else... or what the best interests of everyone is. That's not love, that really looks like you satisfying your own longings at his expense.
You need to make your own decisions here, but I foresee the certainty of a lot of pain for his current wife and others who might be involved... as well as the potential for a lot of pain for you and him over the long haul.
If you really care about him and really want a GOOD relationship in your future, please -- back off. Give him room. Let him make his own decisions. Let him resolve his marriage before potentially getting involved with someone else.
And avoid situations where you two could possibly have sex. (Sex is the last thing you need, to complicate the issue.) You've already done it once, so it will be easier next time when you're alone; don't even go there. You will eventually regret it.
2006-12-18 05:25:05 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first mistake you made was having unprotected sex with him. What were you thinking? Well, obviously you weren't thinking. The fact that you're involved with a married man is messed up enough and now you've taken a chance on bringing an innocent child into this mess. Leave the man alone. If he made a mistake marrying his wife, then he needs to get that worked out first before he can devote himself to someone else. If a man will cheat on his wife, he'll cheat on you,too. It's a bad situation all the way around. He may be having sex with you but he still goes home to his wife at night and that's where the real truth lies. Get yourself out of this situation now!
2006-12-18 04:57:55 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how do you know he loves you? He obviously "loved" his wife at one time, or at least thought he did. If it is such a mistake why doesn't he leave? Even if kids are involved if he's unhappy it would be in the children's best interest to see their mom and dad loving one another. Why is it that your willing to go through so much for him, when he's so "unhappy" one would think he would walk away, yet it seems he likes to go behind her back. A real man would not do this, regardless if he loves her or not, he would have took the time to end it before pursuing another. Also have you ever heard the saying once a cheater always a cheater? Well its not said because one guy did this, its usually pretty accurate. As far as the pregnancy goes, you need to get yourself tested for more than just conception, and next time you decide to mess with any man married or not, use a condom. I have been in your situation with the whole married guy thing and know what it was BULLSHIT!!! Listen you need to find out if you are expecting, and if so he needs to tell his wife, and if not you need to let him go, at least until he lets go of his so called marriage mistake. and if he does TAKE IT SLOW!!!!!
2006-12-18 04:44:29 · answer #3 · answered by donnakygirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think he is feeling bad because he married his wife, I think he is feeling bad because he cheated on his wife. "Should I stay or should I leave?" My question is stay where? Leave what? You have nothing. He is married and you were a piece of strange for him. And if you are pregnant god help that child, a mother that is willing to sleep with a married man with NO protection. I hope you teach them better than that. Lets just pray you are not pregnant. If he was in love with you he would be with you, no matter if he feels obligated or whatever. Chances are his wife is exactly what he wants he just had a momentary lapse in judgement. Go find a man of your own!!!! Hes not going anywhere, unless his wife finds out, kicks him out and I dont know about you but I would refuse to be the 'last resort', but then again, we're not the same. I would never sleep with someone elses husband.
2006-12-18 04:45:05 · answer #4 · answered by hurtand still in love 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Been there, except things didn't go nearly that far, we never went past friendship (and flirtation). I met an engaged man when I was a freshman in college. I hung out with some of my older brother's friends and so did he. However, I did not know he was engaged. He was considering breaking it off at the time, but then found out she was pregnant and he married her. That was 8 years ago, he is still married to her and still constantly talking about divorcing her. Avoid this Jerry Springer episode-in-the-making at all costs. I know you think he loves you, and he might think so, too, but he probably doesn't. I learned this with my friend when he would complain about her weight to me. I said, "what if I gained a bunch of weight in a few years?" His response, "you're too concerned about your appearance to let that happen." I asked, "but I'm 20 and that's what girls my age think about. In a few years I might not care anymore either." He said, "well, I don't know." I'm not trying to be mean, but you are probably just a "break" from his homelife. End the relationship. If you really care about him, tell him how you feel. Tell him that you don't feel right with him cheating with you. It is a betrayal to you and to his wife. Maybe tell him that things between the two of you might be possible after he ends his marriage and if he is still interested.
2006-12-18 04:54:27 · answer #5 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you feel bad about something that's a sign that you should not be involved in the first place. I agree with all the other answers. Men use that messed up situation to get sex from new girlfriends as well as old girlfriends. We are living in times that having unprotected sex is not a good thing. Getting pregnant is the least of your worries. If you are not pregnant, count your blessings and move on with your life. Believe me if you stay hell is just what you will get and there's no survival in hell.
2006-12-18 04:46:14 · answer #6 · answered by kitcat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my...why do you want trouble. These types of guys will never committ to anything, let alone a woman. Exactly what kind of mistake did he make marrying his wife...if it were truly a mistake, why has he not left her? And now you both bring the possibility of an innocent child into the picture. It is a good thing you are willing to go through hell to bring the two of you back together because that is exactly where you are heading.
This man has an obiligation called marriage. If it is a mistake, he needs to divorce her. Short of that, it is my opinion that you should move on!
Sorry, I know this is harsh, but it is also the truth! Good luck!!
2006-12-18 04:40:28 · answer #7 · answered by Shoe Lover 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Ask yourself why you are "in love" with a man that would even let you close to going through hell. Believe me, you have no idea how bad it can get yet. My suggestion is to step back and take a long hard look at yourself and ask why you are taking these chances that are obviously against what you know to be right for you. This is not about him honey, or his messed up situation (why is he telling you that?) it is about YOU. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL HAVE A SHREAD OF DIGNITY! I've been there.
2006-12-18 05:30:22 · answer #8 · answered by MommaJo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been involved with a married man now for a year and 3 months. Married men do not leave there wife's. We love each other we see each other 3 or 4 times a month, we talk to each other on the phone 3 or 4 times a day, everyday. He know that I am dating other people ( I though I would get him jealous) He will not leave his wife. Married men do not leave there wife's period.
2006-12-18 05:15:24 · answer #9 · answered by lisa_lee_anne 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Leave. That marriage deserves the right divorce process. This is exactly why you don't get involved with married men. You don't really know how the marriage is. He could be exaggerating because he is trying to justify his behavior. 3% of relationships that begin as an affair survive. Chances are he will try to make this marriage work. I pray to God he doesn't have kids because that is even more awful. I would back off completely and let this family handle their problems without another women involved.
2006-12-18 04:48:47 · answer #10 · answered by Maizy * 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋