OK here's the story. I'm 19, married to a really great guy that I've known forever, but he's in the ARMY. I have a 5 month old daughter and I'm about to start my internship at a really great teaching hospital! (Only 20 students got in!!!) I husband has been in Iraq since April 2, but he came home two weeks ago a TOTALLY different person. This is the first time he's ever seen out daughter and I want to ask him to help me out a little whild he's home (he leaves again Jan. 4) but I don't want to be the nagging wife already......... I graduated high school when I was 14 and I've been at med school ever since ( I'm a doctor) and now I at work (the hospital) about 14 hours A DAY!!!!!!!!!! I'm 400 miles away from home (we had to move to this base for my husband). And all of this is starting to be too much!!! Should I just give up on my dream, at least until my husband's home for good?? I need to know what to do next. This is so not how I pictured my life!!! Don't get me wrong though, I love .
2006-12-18 04:11:07 · 12 answers · asked by ariel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my husband, and my daughter is THE MOST amazing thing I have ever done!!! I got married at 18 by choice, not because I HAD to because I was preg..... so don't even think that (She came along like 18 months later) But I just need some suggestions or something..... anything. Please and Thank You.
2006-12-18 04:13:37 · update #1
First things, first. Relax! Most people who have faced difficult forks in the road will tell you 10 years later that it wasn't as difficult as it appeared.
For my 2 cents worth: sounds like your daughter is the one who has the most to lose or gain here. Your achievements lead me to believe you can do anything anytime you want to. But the only thing your daughter will know right now, or remember, is her support team - Mom & Dad. You have a tough challenge with your husband and the issues that come with being on active combat duty and that complicates everything. An obvious question is how long would this internship last and how much would be working each day? 14 hours each day is going to be a strain on any family - let alone a part of the time single-parent family.
My 'advice' - there is no doubt from what you've mentioned that you can juggle all of this. The question I see is can your daughter and your husband?
What can you not control and therefore should not worry about? Your husband's career and active service. The fact that your daughter needs you when he is here and doubly when he is not.
What can you control and therefore take hold of? Your career and the demands you place on yourself. Is there another way you can serve your community with your knowledge and expertise?
Life is a moving target and success is the journey not the destination. Be flexible and you will bring everything into the picture that you want.
Best wishes...;)
2006-12-18 04:30:31 · answer #1 · answered by Darbo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's a time management problem! Sit down take a deep breath,, now is child care an issue when your at work? Or is that already covered? If not, that has to be your focus. If ya can get Dad to help, even better. Your not nagging, your asking him for help so you can persue your career!! DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR DREAM!!!!!!!!!!!! Look how far you/ve come! If hubby is a totally differant person, are you surprised?? He's been through a lot!! You can do this. Just sit quiet for awhile, and re-think your options. Your gonna be fine, and all will turn out great!! Your a very bright young lady, your not gonna let this little bump in the road, send you into the weeds are you??????????
2006-12-18 04:22:21 · answer #2 · answered by mamaexfour 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't give up on your dream. Being a doctor is so important. Let me say that it is rare to hear that people who have taken a break from school ever go back to finish, life has a way of sweeping you up. Financially, this is the best thing for you.
I work full time and take care of my daughter. My husband travels incessantly, but comes home on the weekends (I don't know how you do it). I have found her day care to be great for her. She (22 months) learns so much from her little school and I think I would be hard pressed to do as good of a job as they do. She gets socialization and a structured learning environment.
I wish I could say that my husband helped me much during the first year. Its very hard to bond with them at that time. Once my daughter turned one, they have been best buddies and I don't have to ask, he just does. I hate to say it, but you are going to have to find a way to do it on your own until she is a little older and has a chance to melt his heart. Once that happens, you don't have to ask for much, he will just do.
If you don't have a good sling or pouch, get one, they are life savers.
2006-12-18 04:27:00 · answer #3 · answered by Johnny Johnny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is different because he went to WAR.
He is different because he will be coming back to WAR.
He will never be the same, never. He's been traumatized. Post-traumatic stress disorder is hard to deal with.
You have to be understanding of his new reality and self. You are still the same person but he have changed. Be considerate and do not burden him now, it's Chsritmas for heaven;s sake.
You don;t have to give up your dream. He is in Irak and will be for a while, and there is no need for you to sit still untikl he comes back. I say, move to where you have to move for your internship and carry on until he comes back.
How long is the internship? A year? Go for it. More than a year.... well, I think that you would be compromising your marriage if you choose yoru carrer over your family.
Best of luck
2006-12-18 04:29:38 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to show your hubby what you wrote here, he cant help you if he does not know whats going on. Iraq changes people and if you two can keep an open line of communication you can work anything out. He is probibly just as frustrated and scared as you are but for different reasons. Talk to him dont let things fester, also the army has great support groups if you work them. Good luck
2006-12-18 04:24:50 · answer #5 · answered by loveamouse7767 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well there is nothing wrong with a Daddy helping out with his own child, and if he thinks so then you need to talk to him about what kind of father you expected him to be, regardless of his situation. But the same can be said about you, what kind of mother are you, spending 14 hours a day away from your baby? What's the point of having a kid if you leave them with strangers for 14 hours a day? I don't get it? Whoever said women could have it all was WRONG....something has to give, and you have to sit down and figure out what your priorities are, and then have the backbone to make things happen, and never be afraid to admit you were wrong and want to re-adjust your priorities.
2006-12-18 04:20:41 · answer #6 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being military there are services for child care on base. if i was you i would want to spend a little time with the hubby while he is here but i know that you can get support from military if you look in to it dont give up your dream but also don't give up your family either the reason why i say spend time with the hubby i had a friend whos hubby came from iraq for a visit and she was wrapped up in her job they spent little quality time together when he was here and when he went back he was killed. just don't let that be a way it ends fore you she feels so guilty because they lost quality time together. you are young your dream has may years still and it looks like it has already happened
2006-12-18 04:20:09 · answer #7 · answered by PAULINA S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There should be a little give and take from both sides of the relationship or you will live thinking all the "what ifs" later. You need to talk to him and tell him exactly what you are feeling. Then decide together what the best plan of action is for the both of you. Remember that you guys are a team. Good luck.
2006-12-18 04:16:38 · answer #8 · answered by Big Mak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know I've read some of your other questions and I find you confusing. And very childish. In fact in one of your questions you were 16 and had no knowledge of medicine.
However, to answer your question. Men and women who come back from war are usually very different. Families have been known to break up due to the inability to cope. He needs time to re-adjust and so do you. Concerning your internship...I'm surprised they took you,(I know how stringent their selection process is) however you need to decide what is best for the health of your family. If you can put off the internship (which is HIGHLY unlikely) then I think you should.
2006-12-18 04:45:02 · answer #9 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she is ignoring your fb pal request (which infrequently someone ever does, ive befriended humans ive noticeable as soon as) then she is definitely no longer feeling you. My recommendation to you if you will not stop, is to go into reverse for awhile. She perhaps somewhat freaked out when you supply her an excessive amount of awareness. I for my part misplaced a woman i cared approximately due to the fact I received over excited and used to be borderline stalking her. Now when you certainly not see her or speak to her and he or she is ignoring you for no truly cause, then she appears like somewhat spoiled... um... feminine puppy. If that's the case, she is not valued at it slow.
2016-09-03 14:54:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋