Honor thy Mother & Father....How can I do this...am I wrong...Do you think God understands?

Question

I'll try to be brief. I grew up lonely..NEVER felt loved..EVER! My parents favored my sister bigtime. I made many mistakes trying to be noticed..After I married my husband, my mother kept butting in trying to control and manipulate. She has lied to me, stole from me and mental abused me. Even refused to let me stop stripping because she pocketed all the money..My husband was no Angel either, my father stayed uninvolved & believed countles lies about me told to him by my mother to keep herself out of trouble. My sister..carbon copy of my mother...I was always in the wrong. A huge blow out came about...My husband and I REALLY worked it out. We live our life right now. I walked away from my family. Every family member on both my mom&dad's side, say stay away,they never treated YOU right. Use to be suicidal from 5th grade on after break up of family...no longer hate my self. Except I still cry in my heart for my lost family. Was I wrong to run away forever? Should I try again?

Answer 1

You can honor your father and mother and still set good proper boundaries.

God understands. He wrote in Genesis that we are to leave our mothers and fathers and cleave to our spouses. When we marry, our priorities are God, spouse and others, including family.

Be respectful, even if you disagree how your parents raised you, and learn from what they did and be the best spouse and parent you can be.

Answer 2

There are many ways to "honor" someone. Perhaps in "honoring" your father and mother, the best thing for you to do is to accept in your heart that "they did the best they could at the time with the skills and education they had." (Even if their best was really, really awful.) Does this mean you have to have them in your life, have an ongoing relationship with them? No way. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to remove ourselves from a toxic relationship. Does God understand? Always. Everything. What God wants more than anything, I believe, is for you to be the best YOU that you can possibly be and to live your best life in the best way you know how. If you do that, you honor him and you honor your parents, in a way, by rising above the shaky foundation they laid for you and showing that you can be better and more powerful than they or you ever imagined. You and your husband are a family now. Anyone who now loves and supports you is your "family." You need to give yourself permission to stop greiving for the family you "lost." It was self-preservation on your part, and it was very necessary. Stop picturing it that you "ran away." You simply grew up and walked away and know better than to look back. I think it's Oprah that says "when we know better we do better." Now you know better, so now you do better. If you want to think of your old family at all, just remember them in your prayers by hoping that some day they will know better and do better, too. On some level, forgive them, only to the point that you no longer have to carry around the pain.

Answer 3

I would sit down and go through it all with them. Tell them what you've learned and how important it is to you, and ask them what they think you need to learn. There is obviously something that doesn't feel right for them. Find out what that is. Maybe they don't understand the concept of baptism and why it's important to your faith. Baptism is a lifelong commitment to God. I think it would be fine for you to take a little more time and help your parents feel more comfortable about your decision. Try to let them know that this is where your faith is. And if you do end up having regrets, you can resign from the church. You won't get stuck in the church, you can get out if you don't like it.

Answer 4

I think that you need to take into consideration if you would ever get anywhere with your family. Sometimes you need to see that talking to them and having contact with them would just be keeping yourself in their little system. Is it really worth all of the emotional abuse to keep in direct contact with them? I had a lot of betrayal in my family and I decided to keep my contact with them to a minimum. It has worked out and now I feel like they can't control me.
From time to time I think of how sad it is not to really have a family, but then I think of all the things that had happened to me and I just realize that I can't trust my family. Also I have had a lot of people come into my life who I consider my family and we're a tight group. These people have been closer than my family ever could be.
God completely understand situations like this. Getting past the Old Testament, Jesus said that he came to bring division among fathers and daughters, sons and mothers (luke 12:49-53) because it was about which are you going to love more, Him or your family? I only tell you that verse in the context that Jesus completely understands the situation and he doesn't want to keep you bound by the law (the 10 commandments), which were only given so that the Israelites knew how to behave in the desert.

Answer 5

It's okay to mourn for the happiness you wish you had with your family. It would be nice if we all had good families, but that's just not the case. Create for yourself a new family, people who love and care about you even if you aren't related. They will be your support system and give you what you need.

For your old family, I suggest keeping track of them and maybe sending them a card or a letter once in a while, but don't bring them any closer than you are comfortable with. Maybe with time you can re-examine your relationship possibilities, but don't put up with any abusive behavior under any circumstances.

You can honor your father and mother by being polite and respectful to them in your manner, even if you say things they may not like and that may make them angry. Honoring them does not mean putting yourself in the path of their abuse or doing what they want. It just means that YOUR behavior is mature.

Answer 6

Forever is such a long time. Always allow for the theoretical possibility for your family to come around in the future and start treating you right, but, in the mean time, I would focus on the part of the Bible that says that when a man and a woman get married, they leave their families and become one. Your husband and your family with him needs to come first.

Answer 7

You must do what is right for you and your family at home (meaning husband and kids, if any). If your parents and siblings have continuously wronged you, then your best interests are not at heart. Your loneliness is not unusual and should not be ignored forever. The best you can do is make the best life you can for yourself, demonstrate that you are a strong individual. One day, you can present yourself back to your estranged family and offer them a chance at reconciliation. They are the ones that have the tough decision to make. As for you, you can "lead a horse to water, but you can not make him drink".

Answer 8

If the ties you have with your family creates problems and causes your child hood trauma to resurface, I don't see anything wrong with staying away. Send them a card from time to time, because fact is you do think about them. If your life is going good right now, just keep your ties with God tight, he's the one that matters.

Answer 9

Honor thy father and mother... but only to a point. If you have done you best there is no ned to put yourself in harms way again. Sometimes when you are in unfixable situation, the best thing to do is walk away and never look back, knowing you did what you could.

Answer 10

i understand your being sad because you miss your family --
but you did not leave them, they left you. you only did what you needed to do to survive. if you do want to try to reconcile, you could by sending a note to your sister or other family member.
i only added that because you "you cry in your heart" for your lost family.. God does understand He never required honor your father and mother to mean take abuse.