HOW DO I start a LIFE???????

Question

I moved here with my husband four years ago. We have been married 9 years. He moved out after becoming involved with another woman. We have three kids 2,5 and 8.
I wantto start a new life but it is hard because 1) this is his hometown. Mine is 1200 miles away. 2) He moved out but only three blocks away. 3) He is active in the community so I have to see his name in the newspaper all of the time 4) I soon realized that all of my friends are his friends or their wives and they seem to have no problem with his infidelity and moving out ( they have him and the girlfriend over for dinner, etc.) Any suggestions on how to get a new life. He moved out 8 months ago. About two months ago it seemed that we were getting back tgether but suddenly he pulled away again. He won't file for divorce. I don't because one of my children is disabled and so far I am still listed as his beneficiary and I would need the insurance if something happens to him. Any ideas? I can't move away.

Answer 1

really know person on this earth can actually feel the way you do right now. I mean we all have good advice, but who has actually been through what you're going through? The best advice i can give you is to turn first turn to God. Only He can pull everything back together and give you that peace you seek. I understand that what you're going through is very difficult. But putting your trust in Jesus Christ will help you get through what you're going through. If you want your husband back, ask God to change his heart and bring him back home.

Out of all your friends the closest one that will never leave your side is God. Friends will leave you, abandon you trhough the most trying times in your life, but God is faithful. Turn your life to Him and put your trust in Him.

Answer 2

Why can't you move away? I went through a similar situation years ago and I actually took the kids and moved out of state. My ex-husband was a popular preacher in my hometown and no one knew he was also a child molester. My life was hard but I didn't quit and eventually I got myself put together and I changed professions and have had a wonderful life. I don't think for a minute that you're getting a fair deal but I do believe that there is light beyond this darkness. If you have faith, are willing to work hard and make do with little for awhile, you will someday look back and see that you're better off. If his friends don't have a problem with his fidelity, then I don't think much of his choice of friends. Men can get by with this; if a woman does it, she's a tramp. Rise above your circumstances and keep going a day at a time.

Answer 3

You should file for divorce. The courts should be able to require that you remain listed as beneficiary do to the circumstances it seems to me, but you should ask an attorney about that. You need to figure out some way to get out of there. It sounds like you are going to have a hard time building a new life when so much around you shove the old life in your face. I had to do something similar when my ex-wife and I divorced. All new friends, etc. It won't be easy, but it is probably the only way to regain your sanity. Plus, if you are the one who files, it puts him on the defensive. The person that files usually has the upper hand. It would be wise to file before he finally decides to do it himself and then he is calling all the shots. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

I would suggest getting involved with the community yourself. While volunteer you will meet new people and you start to feel more invested in the community, it will become your community.
Or, perhaps joining a class or a club of some sort. Try something you have always been interested in, but have not had time or try to look outside of your usual comfort zone. A martial arts, yoga, sport, cooking, etc. You will met new people and gain a new skill. Having 3 kids is hard but a club will give you some 'you' time and gaining a new skill is always good. It makes you feel good about yourself.
Try not to be too resentful to you friends for forgiving your husband. He wronged you, not them. They may also view it as none of their business. It is a sticky situations, their actions may not directly reflects their stance on the situation.
Stay in contact with friends and family from your hometown by phone or internet.
Try to accept you husband has done you a terrible wrong, but do not take him back. He violated your trust and respect.
Everything will take time. Good luck

Answer 5

I definitely believe that it would be difficult for you to move on without getting a divorce. I'm sure that is in your future anyway and being that you have a diabled child I would ask for a more secure policy be set up for your childs benefit when it comes time to seek a lawyer for all of that. If you can't move and you don't want to take your child away from it's father (no matter how rotten, it is the childs father) then I would suggest getting involved with a local church assembly and/or possible group that involves disabled children and single mothers. This will help introduce you to a group of folks that can sympathize with you and even help you out from time to time.

Answer 6

Well, nobody said it was going to be easy! Good he's close, so he won't have a problem picking the kids up or dropping them off. So what you have to see his name in the paper, get over it! On the weekends he has the kids, get yourself up and out of the house. You need to make your own friends. Your flimsy excuse for not filing for divorce does not hold up! You can stay married and he can change the beneficiary! GO AHEAD AND FILE FOR THAT DIVORCE! You can request he pay the legal fees and you can get child support set, and make him keep the kids on his insurance. I know it's hard, but you have to push through it, get it over with so you and your kids can move on and be happy. Your kids don't need you down in the dumps. Take charge and make it better! Good Luck!

Answer 7

sweetie ,I'm in the same boat. She is very big in the community she is head of a local volunteer org.She is big in the Church,and works for a local doctors office. She will not get off her backside and file her end of the divorce. I'm disabled and get my son every weekend while she is out getting drunk with her party buddies. I have been fighting this battle for three years now. I say MOVE BACK HOME NOW. If you got a chance to leave it all behind you please do it is rough on a person to have to put up with crap like this. I'm so very sorry for your pain but i do feel it.

Answer 8

Not speaking religion, however do U know JESUS as your personal lord & savior? I ? this b/c of what I'm about 2 share. I believe what I'm about 2 share whole-heartedly, I am a witness from my own life exper & in my own marr. Many of us fail to prepare 4 things (divorce, marriage, childbirth, etc) - not naturally but spiritually. The Bible spks on marriage & divorce. Although many may argue (just as in biblical times) about divorce; God is recorded in Malachi 2 as saying "I hate divorce..." We are often 2 quick to leave when the trip gets rocky, but we 4get that God is alpha & omega (the beginning & end) he knew us (Jere 1) before we were even conceived in our mothers womb, yet he approved of us. Prayer (continuous conversations with GOD) and Faith are a necessity in every MARRIAGE. Man did not create marriage, rather GOD had in the beginning when he'd created Eve as a helpmate to Adam. Without GOD, what is a marriage but a divorce and another number for the stats. **Understanding your hub has ran off. . .thw ? is what is it that U truly want 2 C happen in your life, which will enable U to "Get a Life". U can have a life of purpose & with true fulfillment & it still B simple. I'd suggest your first step B to seek GOD for ans. Don't ? what & who God is (I'm certain this wld be someones response to my posting), keep an open mind & heart & GOD will move on your behalf to save your marriage if that's what U so desire, give U directions on how to move on inspite as U wait on him to soften your hub's heart. . .U'll B surprised of what can be done in U & hub if all is left faithfully & truthfully in GOD's hands. my prayer is with you even as I'm posting this response & as U read it. GOD BLESS!

Answer 9

You get a BACK BONE...and file for divorce!!! If he is that influential in the community..the the court will see to it that you are well cared for and your children!!
Stop allowing him to disrespect you like this!!!
You AND your children DESERVE BETTER!!!
The courts will stand behind YOU....no matter...INFIDELITY puts HIM by "the short hairs" ...
The court will make sure that he "PAYS" before he "PLAYS"...
You hold ALL the high cards in THIS deck that was dealt to you!!! so all you have to do is play them!!!
There IS life after divorce!!! And it sounds that YOU have a BETTER one waiting for YOU!!!
Good luck!!!

Answer 10

First of all i'm sorry to know your situation. But you know if you really want to start a new and lasting life, you have to use your faith and turn to God. Like what happened before, if you start another relation that might end with the same situation also. So turn your spiritual eyes to God and He will give you guidance on what and how to do it, you will enjoy your life evermore.

Probably you can move to your home town, no matter how far it is. Because as you said you want to start a new life, then you have to do something and might need to sacrifice something also.

May God bless you, i'll pray for you.