My friend is a lesbian (or bi) and has a girlfriend that she just classifies as a roommate. I found out that they are a couple and she knows that I know, but she has not been truthful about their relationship to me. She wants me to act as though I don't know, but that makes communicating with her difficult at times. How do I let her know it is okay to be who she is when she is trying so hard to hide that she is gay from everybody including herself?
2006-12-18 03:59:29 · 9 answers · asked by Carrie W 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Maybe she doesnt want to admit it to herself or maybe she is just ashamed or something. She could just be scared that she will be judged or it might make things weird between yall. You should just say to her that you know or you think you know that she hasnt been truthful and that you would never judge her and whenever she is ready to talk about it then you will be there for her. Theres no rule that just because you are in a relationship you have to tell everyone, she might just want to wait to see if it'll work out. Or maybe its her 'girlfriend' that doesnt want everyone to know yet.
2006-12-18 04:11:05 · answer #1 · answered by Nolagirl83 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's real simple and you already said it yourself, just say it to her (or better yet, write it in a note.)
Dear ______,
I just want you to know that it's okay to be who you are. You don't have to hide anything from anyone, especially me. I accept you and love you exactly as you are. Sometimes I find it difficult to communicate with you, because I feel like there's always this "something" that's unsaid between us, a subject we have to dance around. I want you to know that it doesn't have to be that way.
But I also respect your privacy. I realize you may not be ready to be completely open about what you feel are private areas of your life. I only want you to know that you will never find judgment from me, only acceptance.
Our friendship is important to me, and I am always here for you.
2006-12-18 04:05:45 · answer #2 · answered by Rvn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
come right out and tell her you know and you are fine with it.
She isn't bringing it up because she is afraid of your response.
Just put her mind at ease. I hope you are OK with it.
Tell her if she ever wants to talk you are open.
So many times people just don't know how to open the conversation. If you get her to talk I'm sure you will both feel better about it. Be prepared to tell her, some things she should keep to herself too!
2006-12-18 04:04:19 · answer #3 · answered by kpd2020 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't. She'll bring it up when she's ready. People think of coming out as the process by which people tell society that they're gay, but a much bigger part of it is accepting it themselves. If she hasn't spoken to you about it, it may be that she's not finished coming to terms with it herself. Forcing her to talk about it will do more harm than good.
2006-12-18 04:05:26 · answer #4 · answered by lcraesharbor 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get her alone and say something along the lines of, "I know you and ___ are more than just roommates. You're my best friend and I support you. You don't have to hide your relationship around me." Also ask her about how she wants you to talk around others in case she doesn't want to get outed just yet.
2006-12-18 14:21:33 · answer #5 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's her existence on the right of the day and in case you imagine she's making blunders & undesirable judgements, nicely she will be able to easily kind them out. i understand you're basically searching for her yet supply her some area and allow her do her personal element. childrens our age are all up for somewhat bit experimentation, so basically go away her be. concentration on extra important such issues as college, kin and YOUR relationships!
2016-11-30 22:17:05 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your friend live the way she wants to live. It is nobody's business what she does. Respect her as a human being. Let your friend tell you don't pry into people's lives. If she is really your friend you will mind your own business, there is border lines.
When my neice's friend told her she was a lesbian, her reaction?
She couldn't stop screaming.
2006-12-18 04:04:43 · answer #7 · answered by Emily L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just say that. I think you put it nicely and I would have loved for one of my friends to say that to me when I was trying to pretend I was straight.
2006-12-18 05:51:58 · answer #8 · answered by eschampion 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She afraid that you wont be her friend anymore, and dont want to risk telling u, herself.
2006-12-18 04:48:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋