So i am 5 months pregnant with my husbands child. I have a 4 year old from my first marriage... I found some pot in my husbands car... I am pissed! How would you confront the situation? I am thinking of giving him an ultimatium.. The way I see if he wants to act like a child then he can be single again. I was a single parent once and I can do it again. But i don't really know if I should be that extreme. Any suggestions? He really is a wonderful husband aside from this.
2006-12-18 03:51:56 · 33 answers · asked by #1mommietwice 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's pot. It grow naturally from the earth, nothing synthesized. It's not crack. Don't sweat it so much. It's mentally addictive, not physically. Before getting too bent out of shape read up on it. If you don't like it though, then you should sit down with him and let him know that. You need to either accept him as a whole or let the whole thing go. You say he's a wonderful husband, so then what's the problem, really? Compromise is the most imortant thing in a marriage.
2006-12-18 03:56:33 · answer #1 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Whoa,
Throttle back a little...
The first thing you need to do is calm down and think things through.
Then ask your husband what's up with the pot in his car. Try to have the most calm conversation you can given that this is a really big issue for you (sounds like some history)
You are also pregnant so your emotions are already raw from dealing with all the fluctuations that come with that.
If you think you cannot have a discussion with him alone, then get some help to have someone there to keep things calm.
Once you determine what is going on then you can make some logical choices about any actions you should take.
You must be as rational as you possibly can for the sake of your unborn baby and your child.
Hope this helps some.
best
cez
2006-12-18 03:56:44 · answer #2 · answered by cezzium 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I really don't think you should leave him or anything. Maybe ask him why he's using pot all of a sudden or ask how long was he using. He could have kept this from you for a long time. I personally don't think there's a big deal about pot. As long as he's not using cocaine or other very bad drugs I wouldn't be that upset. Maybe he's under a lot of stress being that you all are expecting another addition to the family. Although it isn't a reason to turn to drugs but maybe he's been doing it for a long time. My parents are both very successful and they use pot and it has never interfered with anything in our house hold and they've been smoking for over 30 years. It's a very calming drug. i really don't see a big problem with pot at all.
2006-12-18 04:04:08 · answer #3 · answered by lovely79 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you should do is confront him head on because you are about to bring a child into this world and I'm sure you don't want your children exposed to that kind of stuff. Just stand your ground and let him know that you aren't going to be involved with someone that uses drugs and especially since you are pregnant, you should definitely get your baby checked out just in case cause if you found the pot in his car, then he was either using,selling, or both. Make sure that when your baby is born that there are no traces of it in the child's system cause you know that could cause a lot of genetic problems. But confront him and let him know exactly how you feel and if he sees what effect this has on you, then I'm sure everything will work out. Tell him that this is a serious matter and if he is using it, then he needs to get help because once again, you are going to bring a beautiful baby into this world and as a parent myself, I know you want the best for your family. I'm sure he will listen to you and your family will be just fine!
2006-12-18 04:03:20 · answer #4 · answered by frakmomma04 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think you should talk to him about your concerns. Don't give him an ultimatum, those are really hard to respond to.
I'd also guess that you're not concerned about the pot so much as you are about the consequences.
What if he smokes it around your children? What if he drives while high? Who is he hanging around with, and do you want those people involved in the life of your family? What if he gets arrested? What if he's hiding other things? What if this isn't the only really stupid behavior? What if you're driving his car and you get arrested?
I think you should talk to him about your concerns about the real consequences. Depending on his answers, you'll probably have a better idea if you can, and should trust him.
Besides, it sounds like he wanted you to find his pot... It might be his way of starting a conversation.
2006-12-18 03:59:15 · answer #5 · answered by Jean Talon 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How would you react if you found he had been drinking wine or beer?
Just FYI, your child is at least 50 times as likely to wind up dying from the effects of alcohol or tobacco than from any illegal drug.
There is no evidence that casual pot use causes any more problems than drinking the occasional beer or glass of wine. You can find a ton of information on the subject at http://druglibrary.org/schaffer
If you wind up losing a good husband simply because you got torqued over a minor problem (at best) then you have no one to blame but yourself.
2006-12-19 04:17:35 · answer #6 · answered by Cliff Schaffer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront him about it and express how you feel about it. Then you can follow your own intuition. I mean just because you found drugs doesn't mean that it's his exactly but there is a pretty good chance it probably is. But ultimatums usually don't work when it comes to drug usage. Most of the time it has to be something they want or it won't work. I mean most people I've known who were on drugs had a hard time functioning without the stuff because they were dependent on it. Be firm, serious and offer support to quit the stuff like NA. Just a suggestion though.
2006-12-18 04:02:22 · answer #7 · answered by mistress_lilas 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are obviously upset about this, so I think a confrontation is very necessary. Talk to him and tell him you know about the 'stash'. If you feel like giving him an ultimatum and that will best make you happy, go for it. Let him know you are very uncomfortable with the situation and you need action taken immediately. Personally, I'd be glad it wasn't something else. Finding pot would be a bit of a relief for me rather than finding a needle or vestibule of meth! I think you should be able to work it out.
2006-12-18 03:59:20 · answer #8 · answered by *CaRpE*DiEm* 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Then if he's a wonderful husband, what's the problem? It's just pot, not crack. Do you mind if he has a beer? If that's OK with you, why are you freaking out about pot? Did you drink before you got pregnant? did you know he smoked pot before you got married to him?
Relax. Ask him about it if you want, but finding a little pot in his car is not the end of the world. If he takes care of business (goes to work every day, takes care of the house, helps take care of the kids), then calm down. He's just trying to unwind. As long as he's not doing it in front of the kid or around you while you're pregnant, it's no big deal.
2006-12-18 03:57:41 · answer #9 · answered by bodinibold 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Ultimatiums usually just make things strained. You need to be an adult and say how you feel. Maybe he really does not know that this is something you have a major problem with. You need to tell him how you feel and ask him to respect that. Say your home for your children is a drug free zone. If he doesnt want to abide by that then its time to think of leaving him. But to get heated over one time wont help. You have children and have to be responsible to them, You have to do everything you can to work it out. If it happens again then its time to get angry.
2006-12-18 03:57:55 · answer #10 · answered by Lyssa B 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋