I was with my ex for 10 years....we have 2 children together. Once we split up I found someone a little while later and we really hit if off. He's a real family man and has played the role of step-dad very well. Once my ex found out there was a man in the picture he stopped taking the kids so much. He might see them every other weekend. This is upsetting my boys...my 6 year old feels like his father abandoned him and my 7 year old just doesn't want to see him anymore. My ex has made all sorts of promises to them and has broken ALL of them!! Is it ok for me to ask him to either be a part of their life regularly or just stay out of it completely?? He isn't a good influence on them being a heavy drinker, "smoker" etc. so in a way I'd like him to be away from them completely...is that wrong of me? I don't say bad things about him to my kids....but it really hurts me to see them hurting and I just want him to feel some of their pain!!!
2006-12-18 03:34:17 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
OOPs I mean he might see them once a month, it use to be every other weekend. The boys keeping asking me why daddy doesn't call to have them anymore....It sucks to see them hurting!!!
2006-12-18 03:41:34 · update #1
You are really smart to not say anything bad to your kids about their dad stick to it don't ever do it. Sometimes when women move on to another relationship an ex knows he can't hurt her anymore but he knows he can still get to you by hurting your kids. You cannot do anything about the kind of dad he chooses to be but you can choose to not let him distract you from being a wonderful mom. That pain you want him to feel, in about fifteen years he will be feeling it and you will be feeling sadness for him not anger, because everyday you have spent with your kids he has missed.
2006-12-18 03:55:02 · answer #1 · answered by puzzled 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I won't get a trendy vote for this one... I'm going to play Devil's Advocate right here and say that I can see why matters occurred the best way they have got. Under the situations besides. Anyone who has been in a army courting/marriage can attest to the trouble of being left in the back of. Some relationships have foundations that permit them climate it, a few do not. But I do not know if it's the ordinary cheater you're handling and I do not think it reasonable to make that decision with handiest what we all know right here. My center hurts for you mate. You sound such as you real love this lady. First reaction might be to transport on. It might be the one option to be certain she would possibly not be hurting you once more. But for those who do, you MUST give up speakme, interval. While I do not think it's reasonable to label her, I will say that the avenue you're taking place at this second is not going to reasonable good for any person worried. If she significantly is not certain approximately the person she is engaged to, she will have to be telling him that, no longer you. I'm certain he might love to grasp she has moment ideas. I'd additionally no longer rather be talking to a girl who's engaged for 7 hours at the cellphone. That is some thing you do whilst you're seeing any one. If you ever query what's going on...positioned your self in his sneakers. If he had been to depart the town for a 12 months...what are the percentages she'd be using round with you? The debt relies. You can attempt to get that offered to you via the courts, however I do not think you're in need of to do this rather. It relies on what it's from and the way it used to be incurred. At any price. Good good fortune.
2016-09-03 14:49:53 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know he is feeling pain because he is missing out on seeing them like they are by not seeing him. does that make sense? My dad was like him, i seen him twice a year MAYBE. well my son.,he dont get to see me often any more cause i moved to another state and it hurtas both of us greatly!! Its not right to say either see them all the time or not at all,it is family and you cant change that and it would come back to haunt you wjhen they were old enough to make thier own descisions. Its better to see people whenever you can than to be kept from them all together cause both sides are already hurting over it. I hope you understand what i am saying and dont take any offense, im just a neutral party feeling the same kind of pain. ood Luck
2006-12-18 03:44:12 · answer #3 · answered by wildinthetetons 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad wasn't around when i was growing up, my mom remarried and my step-dad adopted me. Now that i am grown my dad is in my life, but I will say I am happy he was not around when growing up, he is also a heavy drinker and smoker, and I would be a totally different person if i would have grown up with him as a parent figure, now i am older and know my rights from wrongs and have a good moral standing. I just thought i'd share my experience as the child, maybe this can put you to ease with your children. and no i don't hate my dad for not coming around i thank him
2006-12-18 03:40:58 · answer #4 · answered by givelife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any man who dose not see his kids regularly is a chump. I would die if I went 2 weeks without my children. Obviously the bottle is more important to him. There is no easy way to do it but I would ask him to let the step daddy adopt them. He just dosen't seem to care if he gose that long without talking to them and filling their heads with empty promises. I wish you and your kids the best. Good luck!
2006-12-18 03:41:47 · answer #5 · answered by nattibadboy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not wrong at all he don't need to be in and out of their lives like that. And it sounds like he might have been in their lives to try and win you over but when that didn't work and you found someone else his true colors started to show and what he was really coming around for. Good Luck!
2006-12-18 03:41:47 · answer #6 · answered by 2sweet4u 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is complicated.Your ex is probably not that responsible in other things too.But he is father of your kids.
Maybe you should tell him that he will be responsible if his kids eventually stop loving him.
Don't say to him to stop visiting them,but worn him they might stop wanting him to come.
I doubt that will touch him,if he already broke many promises he made to them,as you say,but you'll feel better,as you did what you could to open his eyes.
2006-12-18 03:45:32 · answer #7 · answered by Sophie,the cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you are doing the right things. but dont make any demands on the ex. sooner or later he might wake up and see what he has been missing. As for your sons what they feel is real and they will deal with it. children arnt stupid they see how he is and just wish it was different.
2006-12-18 03:42:17 · answer #8 · answered by shadowone4u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U HAVE 2 STAND UP 2 HIM AND JUST ASK HIM TO TAKE ACCEPT HIS RESPONSIBILITIES.I MEAN JUST BECAUSE YOU'VE FOUND ANOTHER MAN DOES NOT MEAN HE CAN'T STILL BE A FATHER TO HIS OWN CHILDREN.U HAVE 2 TELL HIM TSRAIGHT EITHER BE A DAD TO THESE KIDS OFT LE SOMEONE ELSE DO IT.STRAIGHT.
2006-12-18 03:52:30 · answer #9 · answered by MAIME 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him to dnt promise ne thing to your kids and that you are tired of seeing them hurt. let him know that he is NOT aloud to spend time with your kids b/c of his jelousy adn the way he drinks and "smokes". if he doesnt get the picture then say piont blank " i want you out of MY kids lives" if he continues to be around get the authorities involved i know it may seem to mean but it is the only way to get the piont accross
2006-12-18 03:41:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋