Can someone help with my marriage?

Question

Hi,
Ok so here is the deal Im 24 i have been married for about 3 years. My wife and i married about 3 moinths into knowing eachother and now are heads are butting. She now says that she doesent know f she can love me as a husband because of all the resentment she has for al the things i did in the beninning of the marrage. The thing is i think they are small problems. She hold grudges on things like i didnt always take out the trash and i slep in untill noon but i was working a night job then and i got off around2 in the morning. I never cheated on her, never hit her never put her down. The only thing i did negitive was tell her that im tired of her always yelling and screamin for no reason. She had a kid when i met her. she was3 and she never met her dad so i am her dad as she she sees it. We just had twin baby girls about 4 months ago. Her mom has been married 6 times so the only thing she know is to run when things get rough. I dont beleive in divorce. I told her i will do anything

Answer 1

Two words: Marriage Counseling.

She needs to overcome you grudges and learn to communicate and compromise. You probably do as well.

Every healthy relationship goes through a period where both partners drive eachother nuts. This is usually within the first 2 to 5 years. It all comes down to learning how to effectively communicate and compromise with problematic issues.

Don't give up on her yet.

Answer 2

women huh,

sounds like she needs a reality check. If you are married with kids you should be biting your lips at the mere hint of argument. i always back down in any argument and just say i am wrong to avoid fights. It is dam hard to do but it avoids ill feeling in the long run.

The best thing you can do is this...

get a baby sitter. And start treating her like you have just met again. You obviously had a kick *** relationship when you first met and that is why you married each other so quickly.

Send her lovely notes fro work, leave letters in her car, and funny places around the house that she will not expect. Arrange to take her out without her knowing about it (make sure you have the baby sitter sorted). Go on walks again. Arrange things for 4 weeks away where you can be alone and have a few drinks together without distraction. Set up joint goals and timelines e.g. we will go to x next year or we will do everything to watch x.

Learn to cook and clean!

Without knowing all the issues I can only offer this as advice but good luck.

Answer 3

Make an appointment with her by telling her there is something you want to sit down and discuss, and you want her undivided attention during that time. At the appointment time, bring a pen and paper. Tell her the two of you are going to make a complete list of all the things for which she has not forgiven you, then do so. Handle this in a businesslike tone, and make the list as long or as short as she wishes -- take your cues from her. When the list is complete, tell her that you now want to write down what you need to do to obtain her forgiveness for each of these things. Be sincere and contrite when you ask this, even if you have to fake it. Go through each item on the list and get her feedback about what you must do. Ask for details and get her to be specific. Once this is done, start working on the list. After you have done everything she has stated that you need to do in order to obtain forgiveness, schedule a follow-up meeting. At the follow-up, verify that she has forgiven you for it all. In the future, thereafter, every single time she brings up one of the things that were on the list, smile and say, "You forgave me for that one." Make a game out of catch her bringing up stuff for which she says she has forgiven you. Grudges do not hold up well under this kind of bright light of reason.

Answer 4

It appears you wife really doesn't have much in the way of a background to understand what marriage even is. And you married her and started a family wayyyyy toooooo soooooon... with this lady,,,,,but then you know that now, right?

Marriage is respect, admiration, passion, trust, with a whole lot of lovies, contentment, learning to discuss differences without rage, consideration, agreement on how free time and money should be spent, providing a loving enviornment in which to raise children,,,,, yayayaydyda.... and from your little note here, she just flies off when things don't go her way. She appears to understand none of this, and to be extremely immature and self-centered---as well she would be if her mom were one who had six marriages under her belt -- this girl has had no solid up-bringing --- as they say in the South, "She weren't fetched up proper",,,,, All of this adds up to a grave personality defect....mature people don't start screaming, hon, they just don't, sorry. But humans are flexible, and hopefully, she wishes to be a better wife, and have a loving marriage.... at this point, it ain't happenin', and it ain't gonna, either unless some items are negotiated, and both of you learn to negotiate without rage and resentment...... read on...

I'm assuming you wish to save this marriage, and it cannot be saved until she, as well as you, learn to negotiate things...because she has had no practice in it...and maybe you haven't either...... In your place, you and she should be in counseling for 3 or 4 sessions, to learn how each of you should make your needs known without a screaming match. If this behavior continues, the only taste in your mouth as well as in hers, will be resentment -- You will be resentful for all the screaming that is going on, and she will be resentful that she is not getting her way -- in her eyes the only right way..... Resentment is the slow poison of any relationship and then, hon, your marriage will fail.

Answer 5

Well if you have told her you will do anything, then you need to show her you are ready to back that statement up. However, it sounds like she may just be making excuses and not telling you the real reason she is thinking about giving up on the marriage. The things you described are very petty and I suspect there is either more that you don't know, or more that you aren't wanting to tell people. Either way you need to get deeper into it. Couselling may be in order, it can't hurt. You are right in thinking that her mothers divorce record may be giving her the idea that it is acceptable to just walk away when you get tired of the relationship. Good Luck!

Answer 6

You sound like a very good husband; a very tolerating, kind, one at that because I don't think any man would put up with her *ull*hit and not hit her azz! She's very unappreciative and seems to be taking you for granted and acting a fool because you're so good/non-violent towards her. If you really want to save this "marriage", seek counseling to have someone referee the issues you have. I can't understand why she would hold a grudge because you slept 'til noon and worked a night job?! You obviously married too young...she doesn't know how many women WISH they had a man like you!!

Man...

Answer 7

She might have post natal depression. Be patient with her. Tell her that you love her and that whatever happend in the past should be let go off. The future is what counts. Counseling would help. Perhaps she even needs some medication. just try to not repeat the things that she resents about you. Surprise her with flowers and a card that expresses your love and appreciation. Don't give up

Answer 8

stop blaming her mother.... your wife is grown and she makes her own choices... sounds like she doesn't want a marriage Hun.... Life doesn't always work out the way you have planned.....

I would talk to her and tell her how you feel and see what she says if she agrees with you i would go to marriage counseling and get the help you need......

If she has a different response and says she wants something other then you let her go because once the love is gone it is hard to get it back.... No need in wasting time on someone who doesn't want the attention..... Good Luck and I hope all works out the way you want it too...

Answer 9

sounds like you are a pretty good man and she is just scared of it being to good to be true. Get her to go to marriage counseling with you and also make sure she isnt having the baby blues. Just continue to tell her how much you love her and want to be with her forever. My husband and i moved in together after dating for a week and moved to another state after three months we got married after 11months of dating and about 2months after we got married i started freaking out. I was like what am i doing we havent known each other that long and what if he decides he doesnt want to be with me or worse what if i cant love him the way he deserves. My husband is such a kind and loving man and i was so scared. We worked through it though bc he was persistent that we could that our love was true. Now four years later we are still very much in love and i know he was right all along bc i cant imagine loving another man as much as i love him. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 10

There is a wonderful marriage conference you can go to called Weekend to Remember. It's a get away for you and your wife to focus on your relationship. However, I must tell you that it is biblically based. My Husband and I went and it was wonderful. Maybe you would consider going. I know it would be helpful to you both. Lots of couples go, even already divorced couples, and it can range from people who are just curious about the conference to ones who really are struggling. If you want check out this site.

http://www.familylife.com/conferences/marriage.asp

Good luck to you and God Bless.