My husband and I just found out last week that we are pregnant for the first time. We were off the pill for well over a year trying. Some great friends of our have been trying for over 4 years. They just has invetro last month and it didn't take. It was VERY devastating for both of them. We have been trying to figure out the best time to tell them. I know that they will be happy for us but I know that it will hurt them a bit too. If anyone has any suggestions on how or what to say please let me know.
2006-12-18 03:04:28 · 12 answers · asked by jen_t 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
Thank you guys for your thoughful answers.
2006-12-18 03:37:40 · update #1
Coming from the perspective of your friend, I would tell them. My wife and I have been married for 10 years and have tried all kinds of things from fertility treatments to surgeries to have a baby. Nothing worked for us and we didn't have the money to try expensive things like invitro fertilization. Earlier this year my wife had a hysterectomy. She had massive scarred tissue and endometriosis and for several years endured daily pain in our attempts to have a baby. It was a painful realization that we would never have any biological children, but we are hoping to adopt one day. My brother's wife is pregnant with their second baby and we are very happy for them. It took them several weeks after finding out she was pregnant before they told us because they were afraid of how we would feel. There is nothing in the world I would love more than for everyone who wants a baby to have a baby, but sometimes it just isn't possible. I have come to the conclusion that God balanced the world with people who can't have children and want children with people who can have children and either don't want them or can't take care of them. It is up to us to find our match and along with that match will come our baby. I truly believe there is a baby out there somewhere who we are meant to adopt and one day we will find him/her. It may not be too late for your friends. They may one day have their baby or they may adopt. If they are truly your friend they will be happy for you and understanding. This doesn't mean that they won't be upset. My wife has cried everytime someone in our family has a baby or finds out they are pregnant. Not to their face and not to draw attention to herself, just privately. We have both done our fair share of crying and their will probably be many more tears before we have those tears of joy when we do finally adopt. So, please tell your friend, it will mean a lot more coming from you than them finding out from someone else. The best way to tell them is just be straightforward, but sincere to their feelings. I hope and pray everything works out for you.
2006-12-18 03:29:13 · answer #1 · answered by jjodom1010 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, Congratulations to you and your husband. A child truly is a blessing. When you decide to tell your friend, you should ease into gently. Say something like " There is something that I've been meaning to tell you, but I was worried as to how it would make you feel, and the last thing I want to do is make you feel bad" Your friend will understand, She knows that it is not your fault that she has trouble conceiving. Maybe, sometime after your pregnancy, you and your husband could consider being surrogates for her? Either way, Best of luck to you and Merry Christmas.
2006-12-18 03:11:11 · answer #2 · answered by Danelle 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are so thoughtful to keep your friends feelings in mind... I think you should invite them over for an intimate dinner, sit them down and say basically what your question said. That you have some news and although you truly feel for them and their hardships, you hope they can be happy and share in your joy. I don't know if you are religious, but maybe you can also ask for them to be the god-parents for your baby. Explaining every thing to them in a sensitive way should do the trick. Good luck and Congrats!
2006-12-18 03:10:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
next time that you are together just bring it up. you don't have to make a big fuss about telling them.
just, if someone asks if you want a drink or something then say, no, i can't have any alcohol right now...orsomething. that will probably clue them in and you can tell them the good news.
i understand where you're coming from. my cousin and his wife didn't come to my baby shower b/c they have been trying for a few years. i even felt bad b/c we got pregnant without even trying and my brother and his wife went through heck to get pregnant.
pregnancy should be happy and exciting, so don't worry about what other's are thinking or going through. it's not your fault they can't get pregnant and therefore you shouldn't feel bad. however, no need to rub it in their faces either. just mention it and let it go if they seem sad about it.
who knows...maybe it'll be contagious!
take care:)
2006-12-18 03:11:19 · answer #4 · answered by joey322 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been on both sides of this.I tried for six years for my # 2 and i had to watch my friends have babies and it hurt alot. Now i am 20 weeks pregnant and my best friend is trying for her first and she has been unable to get pregnant so far. so tell your friend u luv her but she needs to know that you are pregnant and cry together and let her know that u will be there for her no matter what . Let her be apart of your pregnancy it will make her feel good.
2006-12-18 03:14:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that there will be a good time to tell them. I would go ahead and tell them. Maybe suggest to them that you want them to be a part of your child's life. It might put some relief knowing that they can be part of the child's life.
2006-12-18 03:09:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them your happy news,ask them if thy would do you the Honor of being god parents to your new child,Thy will be happy for you.Good luck and a merry Christmas
2006-12-18 03:12:37 · answer #7 · answered by Bella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you feel bad for your friends but just be honest for them and continue to support them in their effort to have a baby. You don't need to feel bad because you were able to conceive and you don't need to feel you can't celebrate it with her. It might be hard for her but if she is truly your friend she will be happy for you.
2006-12-18 03:08:57 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
just tell them... but watch the tone, although this is exciting for you guys... it'll still be hard for them to handle! i am having trouble myself, and i know i'd be very happy for my friends but at the same pained..... just be encouraging too!
2006-12-18 03:08:48 · answer #9 · answered by heaven-sin-t 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell your friend "whoops i guess there was a mistake the baby is in my body and not yours! would you like to be the godmther?"
2006-12-18 05:07:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋