TORN BETWEEN WHITE BOYFRIEND AND BLACK FAMILY AND FRIENDS, please help with mature advice only?

Question

TORN BETWEEN WHITE BOYFRIEND AND BLACK friends and family?
I have done what i swore i would never ever do,date a white guy.I'm Black. My black friends are totally disgusted that i'm dating a white guy.I really like this guy.He is blue
eyed,blonde,'6'4 and i must say handsome. He is educated, has a very good job.POINT OF CORRECTION,we have been told that white guys are not good in bed and have small packages. I cannot speak for all white guys but my B/F is packing. I have had my share of black guys but none come close to him when it comes to making love. he loves every inch of my body,with him making love is about pleasing me and ofcourse i do the same for him. i feel like a woman when i'm with him.No black guy has treated me like him.we have been together for 9 months.My friends who have always stood by me will not talk to him.My brothers insult him all the time in his face.When he greets my Mom,she refuses to acknowledge his presence.This really hurts me alot.I don't know what to do.I really love my family and friends.how can I make it work

Answer 1

Your life is your own and you love who you love. Your relationship and the good points (and bad ones too) have nothing to do with race color or creed. From the information you have given, its seems that you and your boyfriend are very compatible. There is nothing wrong with that. You have to decide what you want and how important it is to you. If this man is it, then you have to choose your life with him. You will regret it later if you don't and you'll resent your family even more. Address the problem with your family. Tell them you will no longer tolerate their behavior and if it continues you'll have to limit your contact with them. Then, follow through. If they love you they will see the error of their ways. They don't have to like him or the situation but they should respect you both, treat you with dignity and civility. They should also your decision and your right to make your own decisions about what's best for your life. Ultimately, people will treat you and your boyfriend in the manner that you allow them to.treat you - you set the precedent and its up to you to change it.

Answer 2

Your age would be really helpful in knowing how to answer this question. If you are still a teenager living at home, my answer is going to be almost completely the opposite of if you are over 18 or 21 and no longer live with your family. Either way, you have a tough road ahead of you, because it sounds like you've already made your choice in your heart. I love it when someone is color blind, and I wish the whole world was. But reality is that it's not, and we have to live in the real world. If you choose your guy over your family, and you are mature enough to know that you will always be treated differently (as would any children you may have if you stayed together), then at least it's something you went into with your eyes open. If you are still a teen living at home, you need to (unfortunately) do what is expected of you from your family until you are out on your own or your life will continue to be a living hell. The thing that concerns me about your comments is how much emphasis you have placed on the sexual part of the relationship, because that doesn't really sound "mature." But maybe you are older than I am imagining, and you just wanted to clarify that part because it's the criticism you hear most often. You mention that you love your family and friends. You don't mention that you love your guy ... only that you make love with him. You say he makes you feel like a woman. But if you are an adult, you don't need a man to make you feel like a woman, you just ARE one. So, I don't know, I'm a little confused by the signals. But good luck to both of you.

Answer 3

I know what you mean. I date outside my race also but my parents, siblings or friends have never had a problem with it but other family members...grandparents, aunts and uncles don't like it. That whole thing about black men having huge D**** is such bull! I've dated a white guy that was 12+...
This man makes you very happy and you need to forget what everyone else says. This is your life. Your family and friends feel like you are selling out but that is not the case. You found someone that treats you very well and that is all that matters. Race shouldn't be an issue.

Answer 4

Notwithstanding how much you love your friends and family, I firmly believe that you should be true to yourself above all things. You feel comfortable with the relationship. He respects you and from what you describe he loves you. The 'package' is the least of your worries! Go for it girl!

Don't let racism, rancid morals, sexual myths and envy get in the way of a perfectly good relationship! Keep away from situations that can possibly cause either of you any further problems. The last thing you want is to have an altercation with your family or friend over this and I am sure you certainly do not want your guy to disrespect your family and vice-versa.

Answer 5

I am black and since some time I have made an idea about a such generalized situatuation. Last week, 50 cent was angry toward Oprah because he said she is sold out, after her criticics on blck song toward females. This is just horrible what is happenninig between us. The black should just be like 50 cent, and all the others and is not supposed to look different thatn what we find in the hood. What happened with your friends is they don't want you to be different, to look for something different , to be in love with the other race: this look like something white people used to do ( still some do it) year ago.Anyway, I think we didn't make any effort to accept the other races. It is sad becasue we are minorities, actually #3 after the hispanics, so it will be hard to deal only with our peers black. Listen, i know many people who get married with white and other races, and it work pefectly. The race factor exists but you should not let it win. your real friends will be with you, they don't have any rights to tell you who you are supposed to love or not.

Answer 6

Some things to think about--How old are you? Do you have a job or do you still live at home with your parents? Life is short, enjoy each day as if were your last day here on earth. It is hard to give up family for a person that you love, but I know because I have been there before. Really think about what is the most important thing in your life. If you would become disable, would this boyfriend of your still be there for you? Is he just around now for what you can give to him--sex? I made the decision to stand up for what I wanted in life, and it took time for my family to come around. I was told that I was invited to family things, but he was not. It really hurt me, but they were entitled to their believes. We did things with his family and friends. We got married and when the marriage ended, like any marriage poor communication, my family was there for me with open arms. They did not put me down, because some of them had gone through divorces with people of the same race.

Answer 7

One of the most illfated love stories of all time is Romeo and juliet. And their ending was not a happy one. If you two are truly in love , then you both must be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice of distancing yourselves from family and friends that oppose you.You will then create new friends that can and will except you as you two are. Sometimes through time those family members truly wanting your best at heart may come around and except the situation, however , expect nothing , and appreciate what you do have!!

Answer 8

Isn't love grand? Ok, first thing first you shouldn't stereotype men of all colors. What does that tell about you? Stereotypes are there to perpetuate, dehumanize, glamorize a certain group of people. And what have you learned? They aren't true at all. They're just a bunch of lies that try to mold society into believing something is true or someone is 'better' than the other.

Now back to you dating someone out of your race. I am also dating interracially. I am an Asian American dating a Caucasian American. And like my caucasian gf said... she says the stereotype isn't true of me but I wasn't there to prove that. She knew I was handsome and nice in the sack.

But enough of that. What you need to deal with is yourself. Stand up for yourself. Tell your black families and friends that you will not tolerate all the degrading things they say about your bf. If you want to make this relationship work then tell them how much it means to you.

My Caucasian gf had to deal with the same things as you... Her father told her that he disowned her for dating me. It broke her heart. This is why she doesn't trust her family more than she trusts me.

Interracial dating has always been a big issue. People can't get over the stereotypes and negative comments about someone else other than their own. We live in a male dominated society and also a shallow one depending on what generation you're from(20's,50's, 70's). Men are always there to compete... and so they think they're better than someone else. It's a sad world where men try so hard to grapple how 'good' they think they are financially, physically, emotionally, and personally. But they're just a bunch of lies.

You need to be confident in yourself. Tell your family that if they love you.. .they would give you the freedom to do whatever it is that you want. I know it hurts.... but just remember... don't regret a moment where you leave your white bf over your family's choices about who you date.

Answer 9

i know how this feels because i was going through that for a long time. i was in love and there was the option put on the table for me to either leave him or the family i was really hurt but i had to stick to what i wanted and it was for me to be happy and also my family the way that i did this was to say that my family will eventually get over it or maybe they will give in i was hoping that it was going to be son because my family has always been there for me the only way that you will be able to make it work is if you really truly love him then i would stay with him they will get over even if it takes a long time that is there opinion what i think you should do is follow your heart that is what is best as long as you are safe and not getting hurt then i see nothing wrong with the situation another thing is all long as he is happy but mainly you then like i said i would follow my heart

Answer 10

If he makes you happy, and the two of you are in love with each other, then that's the only thing that really matters.

Yes, your family and friends are important, and in some way their opinions matter to you. But if they really love and care for you, then they'll open their eyes for once and see how happy you are, and how much this person, regardless of color, really loves you.

You should try talking to them, and point out that background isn't everything, and what really counts is the love that the two of you share. They need to realize this, and accept your decision in having a relationship with this man.

If talking to them does nothing, then they will just have to learn to accept your decision. Not everything can go their way. It's your life, not theirs. Go with your heart.


Good luck.