My husnad is lieing to me about what i SAW happen with him and my friend. What do i do?

Question

I had my friend spend the weekend with us. First of all he was acting different, moving his pants around letting his sotmache show which he never does. But he sat behind her with his legs spread wide open and she kept scooting closer and finally put her leg almost in between his, i saw him look and he did not move. When i told him i saw what happend he say's that it didn't register in his mind. First of all he is very jealous, he wants to no everything, i dont understand why he sat down behind her in the first place, and i tell him what if i did that to you with one of your friends in our house and i said " i'm sorry honey it didn't register in my mind" He was also so mad and yelling when i was telling him this. And he has been trying to suck up and it don't even phase me, because i no he is lieing I can't stop thinking about it and not get mad. He is lieing to me, i saw what i saw my eyes don't lie, its his mouth that is. And this is the first time something like this has ever come up

Answer 1

he is a liar...and is trying to cover it up...

Answer 2

Dear Amanda,

The situation you describe seems a little far fetched but I have no reason to not believe you.

Have you had problems with him that would make him want to be a blatant as he was? Is he trying to get back at you for something? I don't see any apparent reason why he would act this way. Has he ever indicated liking this friend? does he have a past history of doing things like this? Did anything else happen that day that could give you a clue as to why it happened?

There are many things that are not clear? You need to sit down with him and get to the bottom of it. Do not accept his ex use of the incident not having registered. What the hell is that? Registered where? In his mind or yours? don't let him get away with this or he will use this as a point of reference and do it time and time again.

Answer 3

Originally, I would say it was harmless flirting. A different woman was in the household so I can only surmise he was trying to see if she found him attractive (hey, some guys need an ego boost now and then). I say give him the benefit of the doubt about her actions because he was probably in a different world why she was moving closer although, his actions did illicit the response. Talk to your friend and ask her what was going on - if she's just as angry or avoids the question then something is up. Even if she says it was harmless that implies intent. Jealously is usually a one-way street; it's okay for him to get mad because he's protecting his lady (or doesn't trust you) but his rational for the opposite would be he's a man and can control himself so you should not be worried about any other women. Keep your eyes open and be on alert. DON'T INVITE OTHER WOMEN TO STAY WITH YOU IN THE FUTURE.

Answer 4

It's a tough spot.
What are you going to do? Leave him because he sat close to someone.
I guess you'll have to wait til he actually cheats on you to be able to do something about it, but I know even the smallest thing like that can make you feel different about the relationship.
I know I would have a nauseated feeling in my stomach if I saw that.
He's lying, but what is he going to say, you didn't catch him having sex. If he was caught having sex then there is nothing to deny or lie about, but in this case he has to actually come out and say "yea, I think your friend is hot and was hoping I could have gotten some action from her and was trying to let her know that by sitting behind her and opening my legs, oh yea and I was trying to turn her on by showing my stomach off too."
It's just a tough spot you are in, if you have kids, you'll have to let it go. Even if you don't have kids, you have to actually have to wait and see what happens.
Just don't invite that friend over again and I think you should confront her also. How disprespectful to you to come into your home and flirt with your hubby! But don't make it her fault, your husband is the one that is married to you and should care the most about you.

Answer 5

You need to sit him down and have a talk in what ever manner you feel fit.It this is truely the first case then get out what you need to say about it.You need to ditch the friend for sure.Now if you and your husband have a good relationship that is worth working threw this then do so.You have a right to be mad.If the relationship has seemed to already be taking a bad turn before this you might want to consider marriage counciling.If thats no an option you may want to make more drastic measures on your own accoard.

Answer 6

well it doesn't sound like it will be the last time,if he doesn't care enough to at least do it behind your back then he doesn't care very much i know that sounds bad but he obviously thinks your just going to put up with it or he would have been a little more cautious about doing it while you were there! I dont know how long you guys have been married but in my opinion you have a few options that are completly up to you to decide..you can try to forget about it and go on like nothing happened and be in an unhappy marraige with no trust what so ever...or you can try to get him to go to marraige counseling with you,it sounds like you are both pretty jelous people and i know for a fact that you can not have a happy healthy marraige if you have no trust, it is a very important thing in a marraige,not to mention if he is already or starts to cheat on you eventually your marraige may last but not happily,so the marraige counseling is probably your best option if you want to save you marraige...the other option as i see it is just to leave him i mean if he doesnt trust you and you don't trust him how are you ever happy?....if he is late coming home from work do you panic and think he's with another woman or if you run into an old boyfriend or just a male friend and talk to him does your husband get mad at you?..no one should have to live with those kind of worries,it's not right...well what ever you do make sure you can live with your decision because at the end of the day it's your life no one elses! Good Luck...

Answer 7

It sounds like he's in denial about what happened and/or is to embarrassed or ashamed to admit it to you.

If this is the case, you really can't do anything, particularly if he is getting aggressively defensive (yelling) about it when you try to talk to him.

If you must address this, catch him when he is calm, and calmly state what you saw. Don't be aggressive about it. Explain how you feel about it, and ask him if he is somehow unsatisfied with your marriage.

Tell him you want to work through this, that you understand that he might be attracted to someone else, but that it makes you unhappy or jealous when he acts on it.

Hopefully he will be civil about it, and tell you how he feels and why he acted as he did.

From personal experience, I've done the same type of thing that he did. I was attracted to a friend of my domestic partner, and for some reason she was also attracted to me. It was quite awkward when she propositioned me and I was very tempted to act on her proposition.

Turning her down was very difficult for me.

I wish you luck on this,

-dh

Answer 8

You should calmly ask your husband how he really feels, if he is attracted to your friend or has feelings for her. Often when someone is very jealous or gets defensive it is because they are LYING or know that they would be doing something wrong so they think you will. And I would stop calling that person my friend, it doesn't sound like she is a very good one. You're right, your own eyes don't lie, so ask your heart what to do about your relationship now. If you have no honesty, you have nothing.

Answer 9

i don't understand your problem. you said you saw what happened. he denied it. but you saw what happened. case closed. your husband is lying, that part is out of the way. are you going to separate from him and or divorce him? because clearly if you were not there and they were left alone a lot more would have occurred. clearly you are upset, so do you want to just make a fuss for a couple of days, or are you serious about your husband, life partner, the person who vowed to be truthful to you, lying to your face, especially about something so serious. don't ask yahoo people, ask yourself how serious this is to you, but most importantly, if they have or will ever do it again. and if he says he won't, why in the hell would you believe him when he lied and said SOMETHING THAT YOU SAW WITH YOUR OWN TO EYES did not really happen. really do you think you can trust him again? be serious.

Answer 10

You've been given the warning signs now. You know what you saw, don't let him convince you that you were just being overly suspicious. Go with your gut instinct, it's usually right. It's up to you how you want to handle this problem, it's your choice. But be aware, this woman is NOT your friend. Just scratch her off your list, friends don't do this kind of thing or allow the spouse of a friend to flirt with them.

Answer 11

My mother always taught me that no man at all is better than a crappy man. Once trust is broken it's a rocky road back. Even if nothing did happen the fact that you doubted him has to say something, right? Just ignore him and go out and have fun. The best revenge is success. He'll get jealous and if he doesn't then you have a problem...