Her new boyfriend rear ended someone while driving. She has limited money and resources due to quitting her job (a personal decision on her part, not a good one probably)
I will be receiving child support for perhaps one more month from her due to her quitting (I have custody).
Question I'm asking to try and get a feel for general consensus is she is asking that I drive the kids out to her to visit (30 minute drive), on my gas money. If I don't she can't see the children. If I do I leave myself in a horrible predicament with money and the final cost of gas.
Is it my responsibility to do this? Is it the right thing to do? Or is it in her hands. We are divorced they are both of our kids. I have custody she has visitation 2-3 times a week.
Any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated.
2006-12-18 02:18:26 · 6 answers · asked by ☺ PeeJ ☺ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I think the point is being misunderstood here. But thanks for your attempts at input. Will take into consideration.
Consider one thing though, it may not make or break, but we live check to check, we pay the bills barely. This would put a crimp or possible harm to our ability to pay bills. Car prices arent what they used to be, and we drive a van, which uses more gas. Apparently the consensus is its our job to help the kids see their mom. On a personal level I'm regretful of this as its not truly fair to have trouble paying the bills because her boyfriend cracked up her car. Either way the kids suffer.
2006-12-18 02:32:41 · update #1
Well considering the fact that the van we drive is not a 2007. It's in "fair" condition. If we drive it to the ground who are we doing justice to? I am far from heartless. When she left the family, she was all ready to turn the kids over to me without looking back. I fought her tooth and nail to stay with the kids, and continue visiting. She has been inconsistent at best with visitation, and backs out on numerous occasions.
2006-12-18 02:37:43 · update #2
And many thanks to Jennie for jumping in non-judgemental and helping as I asked. :D I was worried for a while there. Thanks Jennie, that is so far by and far, the best advice.
2006-12-18 02:38:39 · update #3
I would definately ask my lawyer. Then depending on what he/she says. I would probably take them there on weekends only. When I had to go for visitations, it was my fathers responsibility to pick me up. I think it's nice of you to do it but 2/3 times a week is a bit much.
2006-12-18 02:37:24 · answer #1 · answered by jennie r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the both of you should share the expense, 50-50, especially when it has anything to do with the children. They are not the ones who asked for the problems. They are the innocent ones. They should be first and foremost in any divorce. They are the ones who have had to suffer the most. My ex and I lived over 250 miles apart. He would only see them once a month, if that. In my case, I would drive half way to meet him, just because I wanted the children to remain close to their father. I had to do everything on my part to make this happen. If I would not have made half that trip, he would have never seen his children. It was too much of a bother for him. Unfortunately, he has now moved across the US with his new wife and her children. Now my boys have not seen their father since last May. He has only called them once since that time, too. It's a very sad situation, and the ones who are suffering are the kids. Even though my boys are now 22 and 17, they are still very hurt by his actions. When will parents understand that they brought those children into this world and they will always, always, always be responsible for them, no matter what happens. I hope that you and your ex can work this problem out, for the sake of the children. They deserve the love and affection of both parents, and that could take a lot of give and take on the parents part. Show them, by example, how an adult should act. Show them that you care!
2006-12-18 10:55:54 · answer #2 · answered by country girl 006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're talking an hour on the road; 30 minutes each way. You'll probably be asked to pick them up which is another hour on the road. It also sounds like your living paycheck to paycheck so this extra money is not something you budgeted for.
No. It isn't your responsibility to get the kids to her. It's hers. However, it will be you who looks like the bad guy in the kids eyes if you don't take them. I don't know your lifestyle but there must be some way to funnel funds into the trip. Skip a dinner out. Or eat very cheaply while they are gone.
Also, consider this. Is the amount of money you will spend on gas at all equivalent to the money you will spend on the kids meals, etc if you don't take them.
Opps...missed the 2 or 3 times a week. If it was one trip then that's one thing, but two ro three times a week is too much too ask. Consider combining the trip with an overnight or something.
2006-12-18 10:42:07 · answer #3 · answered by JB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could just take the kids to see her on weekends? That will allow the children to be able to see their mother while keeping your gas expenses as minimal as possible. Whatever you decide, try to keep in mind what's best for the kids.
Also, the ex probably could pitch in on gas money since she won't be spending any on her own car.
2006-12-18 10:23:07 · answer #4 · answered by sweetc_82 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be the right thing to do (for the kids)
2006-12-18 10:23:15 · answer #5 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow i hope that you are not that heartless, they are her kids too
2006-12-18 10:35:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋