Have you ever caught your husband watching porn or know that your husband is into porn? I just found out yesterday and feel so betrayed. I realise men can fall into temptation...but the fact that he has been doing this for over six months now...makes me feel like he has betrayed me and I don't know how to get passed it. I want to deal with it in the right way...in forgiveness...but I just can't look at him the same way. Please help.
2006-12-18 02:05:48 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
better porn than an actual woman... if you "caught" him, then it means he had to hide it from you.. maybe you should talk more in your marriage and he would not feel the need to "betray" your trust.
2006-12-18 02:09:17 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs.Neville 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He may be a Christian man, but he is still a man and most men like some form of porn. Don't look at it as a betrayal, it doesn't really have anything to do with you. You may disapprove of porn, but that doesn't mean that he won't indulge. Talk to him, without attacking him, and let him know how you feel. The decision to stop would have to be his, ultimately, and if he doesn't, you have to decide if it is something you can live with or not. You can not change his behavior, only the way you deal with it. It may be little consolation, but it's better than cheating. Some men use porn to indulge in their carnal fantasies without being unfaithful. Good luck to you.
2006-12-18 02:16:21 · answer #2 · answered by justcurious 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear EmmaRose,
This question lines up perfectly with what my husband and I are dealing with. Yes, I am a Christian woman - married for a little over 2 years. In my husband's case, he came from a very illicit sexually sinful past. God saved him from many things, and miraculously delivered him from many lifestyles. However...throughout our marrige, some of these issues from his past would pop back up now and then when he might see someone that might remind him of a "pleasurable" experience he had, etc. Just one month ago, I came home early from being out because I had a "divine" gut feeling from God that my husband was at home looking at some sort of porn. I went home and discovered him in the middle of satisfying himself while looking at large-breasted nude women in the trash magazines. It made me sick to my stomach, and thus that basically "opened my husbands eyes" and revealed to him just how dangerous that is. Needless to say, it was horrible betrayal. Especially when he disclosed to me that he has done it during our marriage in the past, looking at streaming videos, etc...and then since this episode, he has been tempted SO many times. However with us, God needed that "bad" discovery to take place. He is working amazing wonders in our lives and marriage. My husband now tells me when he has a temptation or thought to go and look at something or buy something. My husband and I are very open with one another. I know what it's like to be betrayed in this way...and how inadequate it makes you feel. It hurts. It cuts so deep. But Jesus can take the pain away, and He can also help you to forgive your husband. The only way that this matter can be resolved is for BOTH of you to have or BEGIN to have an active and serious committing relationship to the Lord. God can change your husband. This does not mean that satan will not put thoughts into his head. Lord knows he does it to my husband all the time! But the difference is, your husband must COMMIT to living for the Lord, and the more he does that, the less control satan will have over his thoughts and desires. My husband and I are living proof of these types of things. And yes, it takes work. It is a daily, even HOURLY battle. Most of the time, my husband cannot help what satan puts into his mind. But he CAN help where he allows the thoughts to wonder, and where he allows them to lead to. The only way you can let go of the betrayal is by giving it to God. Spend time with the Lord, pray, read, maybe find someone else going through this. You can email me if you choose. ebf123083@hotmail.com
God bless you. God can and will take you through this. Just let him. In Him.
2006-12-18 07:38:13 · answer #3 · answered by ebf123083 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I do know how you feel... I have been in a similar situation! It has not been the same for us either since my husband had admitted his problem... I was shocked and devastated as you are now! I have been trying to forgive him and move on with life...
There are some things that still stay in my mind though and I know it is not truly forgiving him until I can let it all go completely!
I also know that there are Porn Addiction Recovery Groups for this type of situation if he is willing to go and get help. Mine did, and it is helping him with the 12 step program... You should really look it up in your area... I hope he will be willing to go and get on the road to a new and better life with you...We are working out our problems and I hope you can too... God bless you both!
2006-12-18 02:16:12 · answer #4 · answered by MaggieO 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i am so sorry this is happening to you!! i do know what your going through and its horrible!! first i want to say i will pray for you and ask the Lord to help you through this. it is a huge problem now days for men and even some women to fall into porn and when they are married its even worse because they really are betraying the mate in the relationship. first i urge you to talk to your husband about this. ask him why he feels the need for this and then tell him how its making you feel! your hurt your angry and you feel betrayed! you feel like you can't get past this and you shouldn't have too. tell him that this has to stop because now that you know about it the trust is gone. how can you have a relationship without trust? next step is he won't be able to stop on his own. its a fact and i'm sorry. he will need to be counseled by a pastor, minister, or a professional who is also christian. its good to forgive but the Lord also does not want us to be in situations where there is this stuff going on so if you choose to stay then you will need someone to talk to also. so my advice is the same to you too. then couples counseling will be a really good thing to get also because you won't make it without it. i really hope this works out for you and no matter the outcome i know the Lord will carry you through! contact me if you would like to talk further.
2006-12-18 02:21:42 · answer #5 · answered by onyx maiden 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have been where your at!! Only my husband is a minister! If you need a ear to listen feel free to email me at bekkam99@yahoo.com. I know what you are going through. The worst part about it is the fact I didn't feel like I could tell anybody because he was a minister and I didn't want everybody hating him. I love my husband with all my heart, we are still together and he is free of that mess. I am willing to talk to you about this and give you ideas that might help you and your feelings (if your planing on staying with him) but not in such a public place. Email me and we will "chat".
2006-12-18 02:42:34 · answer #6 · answered by Bekka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm Christian. I'm 34. My husband is 50. We have 2 children, ages 1 and 3. We've been married for 5 years. We had some issues, early in our marriage, due to a problem my husband was having with erectile dysfunction. My husband, on the advice of his doctor, tried several different prescription drugs.
None worked. A sex therapist suggested watching adult videos
together, as part of foreplay. At first, given what I'd been taught
in the church, I wasn't willing to do so. But, as time progressed,
with nothing else working, I decided to give it a try. It not only worked, it enhanced the level of intimacy in my marriage beyond my wildest dreams. We, now, as I mentioned, have 2 beautiful children (which wouldn't have happened without those videos.)
Our sex life is beyond wonderful. We always find something new and exciting to try, that we discover together in the videos. My husband and I share such a connection in the bedroom, that it, now extends beyond that into other areas of our lives.
Instead of feeling betrayed, look at it like this...if he's looking at it...
he's interested and chances are missing something in his sexual relationship with you. Why not say..."Honey, let's watch a few of those together tonight. I want to try something new.
2006-12-18 02:26:03 · answer #7 · answered by txharleygirl1 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First off, watching porn is an addiction. This is just showing you that your husband is lusting after another woman. Lusting is against God's will. I think you need to ask God for guidence and the strenght to get your marriage passed this. I think your husband should seek couseling. Maybe with the Pastor of your church. It is so much easier to deal with things when you have your church behind you. I mean you don't have to tell everyone just set up a meeting with you pastor becuase everything is kept confidential and he will give you some scriptures to guide you through this!! Good luck
2006-12-18 02:12:07 · answer #8 · answered by Floridapurrfection 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
It honestly doesn't bother me. I know my husband inside and out and know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he would never cheat on me. You must understand that these pictures are airbrushed, and the women in the videos are ACTING. Make sure he understands this too. Porn is not reality.
2006-12-18 02:10:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
My husband loves porn. I guess I don't see it as that big of a deal. I've known about it since pretty much day one, when we were dating. It certainly doesn't affect our sex life or how much he loves me, so really it's not a huge issue for us.
2006-12-18 02:13:52 · answer #10 · answered by Tyler's Mommy 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋