I'm too formal, need to tone down!?

Question

OK, a bit about my background: I'm 21 years, Indonesian, I left home to live overseas when I was 14 and skipped 3 semesters of high school so I've always hung around folks who are a bit older than me.

I went to Europe alone when I was 18 and lived a rough life there: I didn't know the language, I was trying to build a business, and I got kicked out from one house to another. To make things worse I had a stalker, so I lived in constant fear of being taken advantage of. I would dress maturely and when people asked me how old I was I'd say "not yet 30" because I was afraid that they'd do things to me if they knew I was so young. My mentors taught me, if I mean business and don't want men to take advantage of me, I needed to be formal.

Now I'm back in Indonesia and things have changed. I'm still expanding my business but I'm new in town and so to get connections for business I meet new people. One comment I often get is that I act too formal! What can I do to tone down?

I'm originally very fun, bubbly, and childlike--even wild and crazy--and it shows when I'm with close friends. It's just that when we're talking business I want people to take me seriously.

About Indonesian culture:
-When talking to older people, you can't just call them by name, you need to add a respectful prefix. Also, when you meet adults in a formal setting you must add "Mr" or "Ms" before the surname. I prefer to err on the side of being too formal than of lacking respect.
-When newly met people I formerly addressed as "Mr" or "Ms" suddenly tell me "just call me Al" I tend to feel a bit funny at first.
-I've never lived in the big city before, so I don't do Jakarta slang very well.
-I always dress presentable because in the event that I run into a suitable candidate for my business I want to make a good first impression. I call it "dress for success", but my friends find it funny that I'm rarely in jeans and always in high heels.

Answer 1

You have done a right thing and you only need a little bit adjustment to Indonesia business culture. It's good not to disclose too much on your age but it's more important to keep professional in all ways you do in business.

Answer 2

I'm 24 and do the same thing--use respectful forms of address and dress well for my job. People in the US find it a bit odd too, but it's also my culture--I was raised in the South, and in the more well-off families good manners and dress are important. Now that I live in Connecticut, they don't understand why I do those things--here it's associated with "English people." People in Connecticut are known for their bad manners and dressing down---some even wear fuzzy bedroom slippers outside the house!

The people you talk to probably just don't get the importance of acting properly and looking good for business.

Answer 3

hmmm business wise, there is a right time for everything, if your not out on business, then relax and be your usual bubbly self, as i see here u use dressing as a kinds of defense mechanism to make people think your oldser, but well.. not all people are the same when it comes to business, so relax, if they likeu, they will like u, if they dont well u cant do anything about them , jst be yourself and enjoy, your still young

Answer 4

do no longer placed on a cardigan over an prolonged formal gown. It won't "tone it down," it is going to extremely look stupid. i ought to declare, placed on your hair as in user-friendly terms as achieveable -- no curls or waves or updos, in user-friendly terms interior the contemporary and delicate -- and don't placed on any jewelry. (Small jeweled studs on your ears ought to be advantageous, yet no necklaces or bracelets.) and don't trouble approximately how apparently that needless to say jointly as whilst in comparison with the clothing of option women; it is not a undesirable element to stand out a splash.

Answer 5

JUST RELAX. NOT EVERYONE WILL BE OUT TO GET U