Though my second wife is ready to live peacefully with my first wife and is ready to treat her as an elder sister. She is even ready to embrace my kids from first wife. I have tried to reason out with my first wife that I am doing what my religion allows me, and I am not Cheating with her. Our Scriptures have laid down strict guidelines if a man wants to take more than one wife and that is he should not be partial to any one of them even equal to a point of needle, in everything,i.e material goods, food and clothings and even sex. Because Allah knows that He has created male with a polygamous nature and HE does not want that man should indulge in casual sex. But she is not open to reason. Please advise.
2006-12-18 01:18:59 · 30 answers · asked by sherebabbar 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to see a Muslim Judge or Clergy who may be able to throw some light on the situation.
You think you are following Scripture but she may have some issues, out side of scripture or even within.
We are all individual and interpret things from an individual angle. So you need to deal with it with a velvet glows.
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For the people who do not know the certain facts about this issues of marriage, without condemning or endorsing any particular ways of life or cultural differences, here is my observation on the subject.
1. Most community do not enforce monogamy, people do run around at will with who so ever they please and nothing is done about it. This all changes if they try to get married and some one figures them, then .......... and I am not talking about forced or child made to marry an adult against her will or by brain washing or durace.
2. In most cultures polygamy up to very recently was allowed by law and monogamy laws are mostly recent. This includes major religions and Major countries and so call advance countries and modern culture, eg. America and other coutries in 1960s and 1970s(went through free love, open marraige..... and many other phenominans).
3. Lot of people would tolerate hush, hush behaviours, because it is by its nature is more tolerable to all parties.
4. Now having said this much and planting the seed of thought, I will close.
That is it for now from minootoo.
2006-12-18 01:30:54 · answer #1 · answered by minootoo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Agreed your religion allows you to keep not only 2 but even 4 wives but the condition laid down in shariat regarding this is also very clear it says you have to treat both or all your wives equally without any discrimination. Now you say your 1st wife is not happy with your second wife & she doesnt want to live with her than only thing left you is to keep both the wives seperately but provide them equally all facilities of life.
2006-12-18 15:20:30 · answer #2 · answered by bisexualmale s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that your wife does not reason? Between the two, I think its you who is the unreasonable one. You seem to rely a lot on scriptures and assume that whatever is mentioned therein is the unquestionable truth. If men are naturally polygamous, why can't women be naturally polyandrous? And living in this age, you believe in such crap in the name of religion? Shame on you. Your first wife is really unlucky to have been married to you.
2006-12-18 04:06:20 · answer #3 · answered by Modest 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess that this depends very much on yourself. Did your first wife know that her place in the family would be shared with one or more other women? Did she accept that this might happen in the future?
It all depends too, on where you live and where she grew up. If she grew up with western inluences or in a different religion or has embraced western values, you will have to understand that sharing her man and her family with another woman is not something she's comfortable with. I would advise you to tread cautiously if you want to keep a harmonious household.
2006-12-18 01:29:44 · answer #4 · answered by marykin 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Mohamed (may he rest in peace) also said that women should stay silent. "As there is no harsher sound than the braying of an A'ss"
With that kind of attitude to women, what on earth makes you think He is a master of human relations?
Perhaps 500 years ago it was the right thing to do, due to social and economic pressures where He lived.
Following guidelines like that in this day and age is totally ludicrous. Divorce your 2ND wife and be happy with what you have.
2006-12-18 02:07:28 · answer #5 · answered by hotod 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A few questions.
Is you wife also a Muslim? If not, then I don't think it's fair to expect her to accept this.
Did you discuss this with her before taking a second wife?
You say that she is not open to reason. That's an easy cop out. If she is not Muslim, or no longer subscribes to Islam, then it seems you are the one who is not reasonable is you expect her to simply follow, just because you do follow these beliefs.
Personally, if you did not discuss this with her PRIOR to marriage, then you are the one who is being unreasonable to expect that she would be happy with such an arrangement.
2006-12-18 01:37:51 · answer #6 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In every religion it was the men who made the rules. so they made it for their advantage. Say your religion allows the women to have two husbands and your wife says she wants to have one more husband, would you allow that? Are you going to be the older brother for her second husband? If you can answer this truthfully then you will know why she is creating ruckus about it.
Do not blame your infidelity on the religion. Simply put it men are dogs in heat.
2006-12-18 08:40:08 · answer #7 · answered by "Vallamkali" 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u must took the permission from ur first wife before ur 2nd marriage. U the only one who is making ur life hell. Ur religion say that if first wife agree thn only u can remarry..so?now when u already messed up! why don't u stay separately because ur First wife will never accept ur 2nd1. dont try to journey in two boats.U will find urself No where!
2006-12-18 03:23:01 · answer #8 · answered by Shaaz k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think in this day and age its almost impossible for any man to have two wives and and treat them equally in every single respect... for most guys one wife is more than they can handle. But if you think you're superman then by all means....
I would advise you to think very carefully about the consequences for your first wife and children from your first marriage. If you think their happiness is going to be jeopardized in any way whatsoever, I would advise against it.
2006-12-18 01:54:10 · answer #9 · answered by peekaboo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What country do you live in? (b/c that's not allowed in USA)
What vows did you take? (if you took Christian vows, you just told a big fat lie)
Did you explain this to your wife before you got married, or did you pull a bait and switch on her? (If she knew going into the marriage, then I guess she can't say much. When I say this, what I mean is that she knew that YOU were GOING to do this. Not that your religion ALLOWED it, but that you were going to take on additional wives.)
If you did not explain this to her before the marriage, then buddy, I would count yourself lucky if she does not kick her boot so far up your rear that you have to go down your throat to get it back out.
2006-12-18 01:24:25 · answer #10 · answered by Trixiebelle 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋