who is in a marriage where your partner is from a different country, has a different language etc?

Question

who is in a marriage where your partner is from a different country, has a different language etc.. what problems do you face and how do you solve them?

is the bottom line - deal with it ? i somehow get the feeling that it doesnt appear too promising?

Answer 1

I was married for 6 yrs to my wife who spoke spanish. Most of or problems were related to respect. Traditionally El Salvador has a very respectful culture and as an American many times I would cross boundaries without knowing it. Eventually she became a little looser and I became a little better "educated", as she put it. The language barrier wasn't too difficult. It was just like teaching a two year old their first language. After a while you know what words are used for what and then practice makes perfect.
We did have some difficulies with my redneck family but they got over it for the most part.
Ultimately our marriage didn't survive but that wasn't related to cultural differences so much. And in the end I think we both learned a lot from the marriage and really we both just grew to believe that their were differences that were to great to conquer between conflicting personalities.

Answer 2

The Two main 'obstacles' to overcome are Cultural and Language.

To be honest, the language isn't really a problem. You do both adapt, and are able to communicate, primarily settling on the language that is more common for the both of you.

Cultural differences can actually BREAK the relationship!
For example, some cultures are quite strict, for example Turks / Indian,.. Muslim and Hindu respectively.

Here it really comes down to how strict the individual is, and how far they go to following their religion and attempting to maintain their culture,

Also, there can be family influences, again more so if you are muslim/hindu, and the parends and grandparents may be stricter, and may influence the partner with alot of their decisions.

Therefore they may dis-approve of the relationship and make pressure.

Unless there is a balance, where the cultures of both are able to give and take, and their religion or culture does not get in the way TOO MUCH, then the relationship can prosper.

If however one individual in the relationship trys to stick to their roots and religion, they can force the marriage to breaking point, as they force too many 'situations' and 'rules' on the other partner.

Also dont forget that you have to live somewhere (will probably be in the country of one of the partners).
Therefore, the OTHER partner will effectively be living in the "foreign" country and can get home sick.

Also being foreign, it means they won't get alot of the government ssupport that the other individual has living in their own country - also trying to find a job when your a foreigner could be more tricky.

They will be more affected by not having their immediate family around, and will want to get back to their own country whenever possible! ...therefore holidays away are jeapordised, as usually you will end up spending it visiting the Inlaws! ;)

Hope this gives you an insight, and what there may b to encounter and think about.

Answer 3

Hi, being a good belgean, I spoke flemish, french, english and german. But I fell in love with a spanish man, one from Barcelona (where they speak catalan). So I learnt spanish and catalan too, but we continue speaking english. It's a 'neutral' language for the 2 of us. We are equal non-native speakers. Our son is growing up in 4 languages at the same time. Dutch with me, catalan with his father, spanish in school, and english overhearing the two of us. He's very cute and starts to speak spanish with some words in all other languages.

The problem is mainly not the language. You can always learn that, it's a little effort, but it's something you can DO. The problem is the cultural background and the misunderstandings because you interprete the same words differently.
What I think is rude, he thinks is normal and the other way round. I was raised a lot different than he was, and have a different point of view on many things that he cannot understand at all. Men in Belgium are far more emancipated than in Spain f.i. Maybe less gentleman-like, but they treat you more equal. Sometimes I am astonished how men treat their women here, and that these women take it! And my man think I'm to straight, I tell people when I don't like things. All that type of differences that are more extreme when you grew up in a different culture.
As long as you are aware of that (both!), you can survive. I guess all couples have their misunderstandings, but with different backgrounds you get an extra other dimension. (Also for the good).
It helps when you are interested in the other culture. And when you keep in close touch of peope from your native 'ground'.

I tried my guy to learn one of my languages, but he claims not to have time for it. Nowadays, I think it's ok, I can say whatever on the phone to my mother or friends and he doesn't understand it. When we have a discussion, sometimes we end it by saying, "it must be something cultural, you know" and so we leave the problem behind.

Answer 4

me and my partner are from the same country, however i feel like we speak a different language half the time. because of this i'd imagine that the language barrier for couples from different countries could work as a positive. at least you can't have a blazing row, but you would probably know the words for "sorry" or "i love you".... i once went out with someone who spoke a different language and in the end we didn't have much to talk about!

Answer 5

my husband is a British while i'm from Philippines. i got no problem with the language as i can speak English too but him, he got problem cause he can't speak my language but he's learning as well. when it comes to tradition and culture we both respect our different culture, if i am here in england i have to respect and adopt the english culture and if we are in my country he will respect and adopt my culture too. the only problem between us is when we are far away to each other as we miss each others, but why do i have to go away without him? if your country both speak English either first or 2nd language there shouldn't be a problem at all unless if he can't speak english, and in that case you two must learn how to speak each language. if you love each other there's no reason to find it hard knowing and learning your differences, as love will find a ways. we are a young couple with a little one 5 months old and we live simply here in england and no troubles so far in our marriage, but if there is we are both committed to fix it ASAP as we get married in my country with no divorce or whatsoever. We both happy and no regret that we both came from each side of the world.

Answer 6

Hi,
When working and living in the Mid-East, I had an Omani girlfeind, in the late 70's.
I learnt to speak a lot of Arabic, as a courtesy.
OK, we didn't stay together, but I feel that as opposed to her speaking English in Oman, it was somehow the right thing to do to learn Arabic.
I feel that folks with no English language, here in the UK should consider doing the same.
Each to their own. of course.
I am obviuosly far from racist. I love communication.
Bob.

Answer 7

I'm English, my SO is Chinese. We probably face problems similar to any couple, these factors are just another factor in the relationship. I think communication, plus meeting each other at a middle point is the way to a better relationship. If the language is a problem, you simply both have to work at it. Good luck...

Answer 8

These days lots of people are from different countries and cultures. There are more opportunities to meet different people since the internet helps some others to meet each other too.

I am different country and I have my husband from different country. the end of the day i speak english, so that helps.

sometimes it is hard understanding each other cultures of differneces, but you get used to it in time. You have to have patience both of you to understand and work this out..

good luck

Answer 9

I am American & my husband is Arabic. He learned English very quickly, so language between the two of us wasn't the problem. Our biggest problem, like one of the answerers above, was our families, my family was convicnced he was just using me, so they didn't give him a chance. Escept my Mom. She loved him because I did. His family hates Americans, & didn't approve of me. Any time I was around them they refused to speak in English & always criticized me in their language. Even after we had a baby, they were always trying to convince him he needs to leave me & get a nice arab girl for a wife. Since he worked for his brother he was always scheduled with to many hours to keep him away from home. Eventually they wore him down. He moved out in August. Sometime no matter how much you love each other, the family can destroy what you have. We were married almost 7 years.

Answer 10

I speak 3 language . My partner is from South Africa and speaks 4 language... and our daughter speaks 2, what a mess!!! at least we all speak English and have a lot talking to understand and respect each other culture.