my boyfriend gets mad and takes everthing out on me.i feel like i provoke him.he leaves bruises especially on my face.i hide all my emotions .but when i see my older brothers i want to tell them but i get scared because i love him and we have children together.
2006-12-18 00:18:37 · 36 answers · asked by boricua_queen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am still working on getting out of a relationship similar to yours. He would hit me and choke me and then the next couple of hours he would see the bruises start to show up and then he would say I'm sorry - i need help. Only after 2 years he never got help. After time went on he started to believe that when I didn't do the things he wanted me too then we would fight he would beat on me and he thought it is what I deserved. That I was the one in the wrong. But let me tell you a woman never desearves to take a punch from a man. He finally made me lose all my friends and would leave me for days at the house with no phone or car. The last fight we got in he punched me in my face about 3 times and I realized that he was going to kill me before to long (even if by accident) I was a prisioner in my own home. I decided I had had enough and took measures to get rid of him. It's been 3 months and he still calls everyday. I told him that if he came to the house I would call the cops and it has kept him away so far. I also told him I have a restraining order agqainst him. If you have family then maybe you can stay with them to get back on your feet. One thing is for sure he won't quit hitting you and it will only get worse. On top of it your children are learning these things from him and you - maybe it is okay when they see daddy (or an adult)doing it. It takes more than you could ever imagine to walk away but it is so worth it when it is all said and done. It's not your fault he hit you - it's his. He makes the decision to put his hands on you and this is flat out wrong no matter how you look at it. If you tell your brothers then you will open up a can of worms that can't be put back. They will want to take action and you will say no putting strain on your relationship with them. You should tell them when you are sure you want things handled. keep them brothers out of jail won't you? I hope that you find all the courage you need to deal with your situation and remember that only you can make yourself happy. The grass is always greener on the other side of this situation. Good luck!
2006-12-18 00:48:03 · answer #1 · answered by shadows 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the cops. Pack a bag. Get a Restraining Order. DO NOT GO BACK.
He, like every other abusive man, will play nice to win you back. It is an act. They are not actually capable of love, respect, decency or any form of human kindness. They "learn" how to show those emotions by watching others. Because it is not how they really feel, they cannot keep up the act on a daily basis. That is why they become abusive again. And he will become abusive again.
2006-12-18 01:12:57 · answer #2 · answered by Trixiebelle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of the relationship NOW. Unless you want to wind up in the hospital half dead. You don't love this guy you are obsessed with him and desperate to have someone to "love". This guy does NOT love you and if you have children with him it will be the worst thing for you as well as for your children. (No child should have to see their mother getting beaten by their father). He will continue to hit you and will leave more than bruises later on, or worse, he could beat you to death.
2006-12-18 00:57:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave his no good ***. You can't have provoked him in any way that would warrent him hitting you. I'll tell you right now its usually a family problem so if he's doing it now chances are his dad did it to his mom and if you 2 have a kid they will also think its ok, and its not. Leave now don't look back find somewere safe.
2006-12-18 00:26:50 · answer #4 · answered by underfear18 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The three reasons men abuse women:
1. It works.
In a short-term, get what you want immediately situation, hitting someone works. Contrary to what some people may believe, domestic violence is rarely about anger. People may blame it on an "anger management" problem. But the same people who supposedly cannot manage their anger when it comes to their spouse manage perfectly well when it comes to their parents, the neighbor, the grocery clerk, or the police officer who comes to the door. Domestic violence is about using violence to gain (and maintain) control. Often the batterer views the victim as a possession to be guarded and controlled -- they monitor phone calls and email, reduce contact with family and friends, and if their possession gets out of line, they smack it back in place.
One woman told a particularly telling story. It was Thanksgiving time, and she and her husband (newly married) were preparing dinner. Their families were on the way over to celebrate with them. During the preparations, they got into an argument and he punched her in the face, breaking her jaw in three place. Needless to say, Thanksgiving dinner did not happen and she spent that day in the hospital. For the next ten years, her husband didn't have to hit her again. He could control her with two simple words: Remember Thanksgiving.
Men hit women because it works. They get the control that they want and they get their way.
2. They can get away with it.
Up until as recently as ten years ago, domestic violence was a 'personal problem,' not really treated as a crime. Sure the police might come out, but usually they either made one of the people leave the residence or made vague references to how the two parties needed to learn to handle their business and they "better not have to come back again."
While things have improved considerably, there are a large number of people who still believe that Domestic Violence is one of those things in which they shouldn't get involved. There are a distinct lack of witnesses when it comes to Domestic Violence crime. Would you speak as a witness if you saw saw a man wielding a knife against a woman he did not know? Would you speak up if you saw a hit and run? Most people would. But those same people will not speak up or come forward when the crime is domestic violence. Hitting your spouse is more acceptable than hitting a stranger.
The same thing is true when it comes to the workplace. If a man calls too often (and rest assured, this is calculated -- if your possession is working that means that there's a large part of the day where she is out of your control), or comes by and causes trouble, rather than asking what might be going on in the relationship, your coworkers and boss are generally going to roll their eyes and ask the victim to correct the problem. The same thing if she takes sick days because of his behavior. And if she doesn't correct the problem? She gets fired.
By refusing to hold men accountable for their actions, we are giving them tacit permission to go on with the abuse. It's okay to hit your wife. Nobody will say anything. The police won't help you. Your family won't help you. Your boss won't help you. You're on your own.
3. Socialization
Despite the many years of women's liberation, the predominant view in society is still that men are supposed to be in charge. True, it may not be spoken directly, but it doesn't have to be.
Examine the major consequences to the male ego if he is perceived by other men as not wearing the pants in his relationship. We have invented any number of ugly words to describe such a condition -- p*ssy-whipped, ball-less, spineless, boytoy. They all add up to one thing. The man who is not in control may as well be impotent. That is how he will be viewed by his peers.
Yes, this is a generalization. Yes, changes have been made. But when you look at the most telling part of our society, entertainment, it is easy to see that we still think that men should be strong and that violence is sexy.
2006-12-18 00:33:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should get rid of him... you say you love him, but love has to be 2 way.. if he hits you then he obviously doesnt love you, have some respect for yourself.. you aren't a punch bag..and it isn't your fault!also...think of the children.. why should they have to grow up in an unstable environment..Mother being beaten, surely that is a bad example to them!!Try telling some people, you need help to get through it...with other peoles advice, it will be easier to make up your mind as to what you should do.good luck whatever you decide.
2006-12-18 00:25:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What are you teaching your kids? What you are doing is no way to spend a life and by the way, it isn't a life. If he is abusing you, what do you think he is capable of doing to your kids? Get out now and tell your family. You cannot provoke anyone into beating you, it isn't their right. Get out of that relationship and get out fast for the sake of your life and that of your children.
2006-12-18 00:24:48 · answer #7 · answered by Pinolera 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dump him and move on fast.
They are always sorry, but always happens again. when you start saying "he hasn't been violent for over a month now" you should know it's going to keep happening and getting worse. Why do women stay in relationships like this? Is it ok no matter what he does if he says he's sorry? What's gonna happen when he beats and/or kills your child and says sorry? Get out now.
2006-12-18 00:22:02 · answer #8 · answered by dana j 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, it's only going to get worse. Once a hitter, always a hitter. Don't believe him when he apologies. He is only apologizing to make himself feel better. Get out when you can. You have older brothers to protect you. Tell them, they will help you. You can never trust a man that uses violence EVER. Leave, leave, leave the relationship. It will never work out no matter how hard you try. I know!
2006-12-18 00:56:03 · answer #9 · answered by Andrea D. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
start having more self esteem and do not allow someone to do this to you ever for any reasons. Get out and protect you and your kids. Tell your family and they will be there to support you. Do not ever accept this kind of treatment from anyone. EVER. Sounds like he has you emotionally beat also that he makes it feel like it is your fault. Tell your brothers all about it and how you feel trapped and there are also assualt groups that can help you through this also.They can all help you get out of this abusive relationship. You do not deserve to be treated like this...,
2006-12-18 00:38:16 · answer #10 · answered by cyborg_2099 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋