Are you a survivor of domestic violence?

Question

How long before it 'clicked' in your brain,time to go?

Me - 4 years.

Answer 1

HI i did not know this was you i knew you answered my questions a lot any way yes I am it took 3 years of me thinking I could change him I grew up with it so i just thought it was normal. Parents need to tell their kids don't let a man or woman put their hands on you. I told mine always yet one of mine still died in that type of situation she just would not walk away The cycle of abuse must stop it generally starts in childhood and continues as you think it is the norm. many women end up involved in drugs and alcohol and bad men becaue they were abused as children God bless you and all the rest of us survivors it takes more to survive tham to stay in the mess

Answer 2

I married a man and left him about six months after he became abusive. I went to a shelter for while and then lived a much happier life without him. Unfortunately I jumped right back into another abusive relationship and stayed for eight years prior to me waking up one day and having enough of that. I knew I was worth more than the way I was treated.
I am now on my third and final marriage. I have never even argued with my third husband. We do disagree but there is never a loud voice in the house or a hand raised at anyone.
It takes time and timing is different for everyone but it is important to remember that life is worth a lot and a person should be treated with respect.
All in all I would have to say that it took me nine years of marriage total before my brain clicked into a healthy way of living. I also believe that an abusive childhood was the reason for my low self esteem. I'm just happy to have my sole back.

Answer 3

From what I've heard, most women that are victims have very low self esteem. Also, the abuser may be emotionally abusive and constantly telling her she'll never find anyone else, no one else would want to be with you, etc. After hearing that on a daily basis, she starts to believe it and in some ways most of these women are kinda brainwashed into believing what their abuser says. It's basically a cycle thing. Look up domestic abuse cycle on google and you'll find why they always keep coming back to their abuser.

Answer 4

I am , my ex oh he did all the right things out in pulblic but when we at home he would go to work or at least say he was going then he would go to the bar and come home and think i was a punching bag it took a long time i endured it for almost 7 yeas cause we had 4 children who were very young at the time ( he never hit them) and i knew that i couldnt get a job that would pay me to have after school care for them so i waited til the oldest one was 12 so that he could legally watch his little brothers after school til i got home from work . the night he was carted off helooked at me and said i would never make it on my own that made me even more determined i have now been on my own with my kids for almost 9 years now and have managed just fine :) i have a great job great friends and a wonderful boyfriend

Answer 5

I'm fortunate in that I have not been subjected to a violent relationship and am in a happy marriage. I just wanted to say to you all that I really respect and admire those who have the courage to get out of these situations and build their lives back up. You are true survivors and deserve to be truly happy.

Merry Christmas to you all and a Happy New Year!

Answer 6

I was for 10 years, then had a nervous breakdown and realised I had to do something. I didn't leave before because noone knew and I didn't know where to go. I had 2 kids to think of and luckily they didn't know either. I am now going through a divorce and have a new man in my life who knows how to treat someone properly.

Answer 7

had 3 very violent relationships. let the first go on 5 1/2 years, other 2 1 year each.

been single now 17 years. afraid of what is out there to go looking.

Answer 8

I will never understand why it took me so long. I think it's cause he used to tell me it was all in my head and I was mental so many times I started to think it. I would also cover things myself as I didn't want to lose him. Sounds silly , I know. I guess the physical abuse I have dealt with easier than the emotional an Psychological. Approx 3 years

Answer 9

I was a victim but as a child I was not the one making the choice. My mum had/has low self esteem and didn't get rid of him until she was pregnant, still being beaten and h started on me (age 11) and my sister (aged 7). Only then did something click inside her and she had police help to get him out of her house.

Answer 10

I know it aint the same as what all you guys went through and you'll probably think what a drama queen but I did suffer.

He never hit me but he mentally hurt me. Told me he hated me never loved me told me no-one liked me down the pub (also where I work) and they all told him he was better off without me, and that was as I was leaving to go to work and had to face all those people thinking they hated me.

Threatened my best mate (male) to stay away from me and tried to cut me off from my other mates. They dont live round here and I dont see them very often and when they were about he'd go out all day and not return so I couldn't see them as he should have been looking after our daughter.

He'd throw diner plates at the wall knock tvs over punch holes in doors threaten to lock me out if I wasn't back from work in time.

Its not a patch on what you guys went through but it was still bad.

Sad thing is we would have still been together if it wern't for somthing that happened reguarding our flat and we had to leave it was then me an babe went to my mums and he went to his. We were together about 3 years.