When a husband doesnt think he has done anything wrong.........?

Question

Husband and I had swapped partners last year with a couple we had become friends with, I was more intot he husband than he was the wife, stayed friends but he won't go out with them anymore, and the guy is off limits to me, he says more would go on if given a chance. This happens to be also people he works with. Had a work Christmas party, had a great time. Couple was there also, and we all sat together, as with many others. after went to a strip club for FUN. I had fun, he took it many steps farther and one girl at his work, he was all over her, rubbing her bottom etc. I'm sitting there in front of the other couple and wondering ok, so this is ok for him, but if I did this he'd have a cow. I want to have a goodtime, but he didn't seem to think he did anything wrong, then later wanted to take the other couple home with us so he could do the girl. Once again ok for him. He has double standards, I never groped anyone , even the other guy when we were doing anything with them, plus this

The swing thing does not work well, he wanted to take home this new couple. He never said anything to me , just looked and he had his hands all over her. I don't understand him. I wasn't jealous just angry that he acted like what he was doing was ok, but me staying friends and talking on the phone was not ok with the other guy was not ok. We never sat and groped each other even during the swinging times, so I want to know where he gets off. I told him that he wants other women to, he is not satisfied with one, and he knows it. He says that is not true. He was trying to push me off on her husband, the new couple. I want to have fun to, but hey if he can play like that why can't I, when i asked that he said its fine with anyone but the one guy. He compares me talking on the phone to him groping and fondling a girl he works with. I'm confused. He has made me feel like I'm wrong. I just don't get it, I just don't know how we can manage like this and nothing gets resolved, cept negative.

Answer 1

Men will try to get away with whatever we can. We're very jealous. We fear a loss of control. We will try to do things we would not want you to do.

Stand up to him and say this is unfair. If he gets to play, so do you. Otherwise, neither of you do.

Answer 2

You and your husband need to revisit the ground rules of swinging, and you are already on the right page.

One of the major ones is "this is a couples activity, therefore whatever you do must be FOR the couple (meaning both of you). Swinging can not be oneside and only benefit one of you.

Another major rule: Never take one for the team. Which is what your husband was asking you to do by pushing the husband you were not interested in onto you so that he could get with his wife.

Another one: Communication. It sounds like your husband was not communicating with you and including you in the decision of who to swing with. He has to. There is no equivocation about this point. It is a must. You both have to agree on the couple you are going to swing with. If one of you 'takes one for the team' you will be resentful later on. This can not happen and only open, objective communication can avert it.

Again, swinging is a two way street. Any liberty your husband feels he's entitled to he has to also extend to you. Period. This is another point that there is not arguing. That is just how it is.

One more point... Keep coworkers out of it as much as possible, if not completely, unless you are dang sure you can find a new job very quickly. Basically, coworkers and swinging do not mix. Don't crap where you eat. It can raise problems for you. Keep your business life, business, and your private life private.

For some good, objective information and help with this, check-out The Swingers Board (link below). You'll find lots of good reading there, and it's free.

Answer 3

At this point he feels it is okay for him to do what he wants and you well he perfers you not too! It is the husbands way of having his cake and eating it too! And of course he doesn't see anything wrong with it, that is because he is making all the rules and he expects you to follow them to the letter.

Men at times can be a little over the edge when it comes down to there wives what they do is okay but they really perfer there wives not to do the same things because of there own self sustaining egos that they have they want the control and they don't want another man to give you too much attention for there is a chance that you might get interested and go your seperate way.

If I were you I wouldn't go to anymore get togethers anymore with him and that would be the end of that...since he doens't see what is wrong with the picture and he wants his way well give it to him and see how he reacts then...I bet he will start to question it and wonder what is going on with you then if you want then tell him about what you feel and what you don't like about all of if, If he still doesn't get the message then just don't go out with them or him anymore......find your own lady friends and do your own seperate thing.
Good luck!

Answer 4

you obviously never set clear boundaries before setting out on this adventure, and if you want to make things work for both of you, you have to talk it over and be very clear what each person expects, wants, etc. Go over pretend scenarious so that you have a good idea ahead of time of what's acceptable and what's not. It sounds like both of you have different ideas of what's acceptable, and neither one explained themselves properly, or he's being a jerk and the rules have changed. Personally, I don't think my marriage would survive if we did the swinging thing.

Answer 5

When you start swapping partners it just gives the guy the go ahead to do whatever regardless as to how you feel about it. Men are naturally PIGS and you can't give them an inch because they will take a mile. Sounds like y'all need to get a divorce and move on.

Answer 6

You started it in the first palce by agreeing to swap. I'm not saying that's wrong but you made a decision and you followed through with it.

He liked it and it didn't turn you on as much.

He is wanting his cake and he wants to eat it....you done it once so why not another time?

You are the one that is setting the double standards...if you want to then it's okay for him to...if you don't want it anymore then it's bad for him.

Which way you want it? A man knows his wife done it one time so she will do it again.

Answer 7

Men never think that they did anything wrong.
It's like a law with men.
You need to explain the problem to him.
In your view, somethings are ok and others are not.

Answer 8

IN THIS CASE... HE DID NOTHING WRONG.
IN THE BEGINNING YOU ALLOW HIM TO HAVE MULTIPLE PARTNERS? RIGHT?
SO NOW THAT HE WANT TO TAKE IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL YOU FEEL THAT ITS' WRONG........NO YOU ALL OR WRONG.. I SEE YOU GUYS TAKE YOUR VOWS VERY LIGHTLY.....THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING TO ALL... WHY DID YOU ALL GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE? IT'S ALL ABOUT GAMES I SEE? STAND BACK AND REEVALUATE YOUR SELF... WHY GET MAD NOW... IF YOU CANT BEAT HIM JOIN HIM.......GET HELP THAT'S NASTY...YOU CAN FIND BETTER WAYS TO PUT EXCITEMENT INTO YOUR LIFE THAN THAT.......

Answer 9

I believe when a married couple has to invite others into their bed there is a huge problem in the marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

if he think he hasn't done anything wrong the point out the mistakes he has done.