I have been married for almost 15 yrsand had 4 children.they are very close to me as i'm a housewife thus we spent alot of time together.no one knew that my marriage is on the rock.This includes my parents.I don't know why but I guess I don't have enough courage to do so.My hb had been unfaithful to me for almost 7 yrs and it hurts me deeply.Until today,ther's no more tears to cry.I did share my woes to my children,but what can they do?I wanted out of this marriage,but everytime i do so,he would beg me nt to leave him and ask for a second chance.He wants me to give him more time so that he could find ways to break off with the other party.I doubt he would do that.He told me alot of unpleasant things would happn if we are divorced and it scares me.Apart from that my children too objected to my idea of getting a divorce.Their reason was they do not want to be seperated frm either of us .I'm in dilemma,i don't want to hurt my chld but i have my needs too.Pls help me get out of this.
2006-12-17 23:39:15 · 13 answers · asked by ~AiRaLlie~~ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You cannot stay in a marriage where your husband is continually unfaithful. Your children will get over it. You have needs too. He has no respect for you at all. You can be strong enough to deal with this. Consult a lawyer to answer any of your questions and put your mind at ease. Your husband is just talking trash trying to save his butt. He is the one that will look bad. He couldn't even call it off with his "lover". Please be strong. Do not let yourself be treated like this. There are organizations that will help you if you seek them out. First, talk to a lawyer and go from there. Good Luck to you.
2006-12-17 23:55:15 · answer #1 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never make your decision out of fear alone for you will look back at your decision today and wish you were not a coward and wasted all those years.
Having said that, is this the second chance or is it the third, forth fifth tenth chances? 7 years is a long time to to be unfaithful. Well at least your hubby begs you to return and ask for more time.
Mine just pretend he have broken off but continues to cheat.
If it is really a second chance, then may be u can consider conselling if he is willing to go. Even then it will only work if he break the other relationship off.
Do your children know why u are getting a divorce? I shd thing they shd support u if they know the reason. Anyway, divorce is a personal decision, dun stay just for the kids, unless you want them to learn that its okay to cheat on the spouse.
2006-12-19 04:52:17 · answer #2 · answered by peaceful 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why on earth did you consult the children. Of course the children will answer that way. Your problem is not theirs. Make your decision based upon your situation and leave the children out.
A second chance is just that the second,. Not third, fourth or fifth.
Talk to a lawyer. Get you ducks in a row and spring the papers on him.
You could also suggest that he leave the premises.
You are not teaching your child anything useful when you will put up with infidelity. Whether boy or girl it is not acceptable to cheat on your wife (boy) or it is not good for your own psyche to continue to be threatened into accepting it.
2006-12-18 08:20:45 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Infidelity is very hard to deal with because of the hurt, the paind, the mistrust. If a spouse cheated just ONE time, It could take years for a marriage to heal and recover from it and you have been dealing with this for 7 years! If he is truly wanting this marriage to work he will have to give of himself 110%. There should not be any objection from him if you set up an appointment to see a marriage counselor nor should there be when you request that he becomes accountable to his whereabouts every second of the day. Don't buy into "you're nagging me." If he wants his marriage to work he wouldn't be bothered by it even if it was nagging. My point is, YOU call the shots now and if he objects or is unconfortable with your demands then you have the right to leave. No one wants their marriage to fail, but you can not have unrealistic expectations of someone who has been unfaithful for 7 years. Be honest with yourself.
2006-12-18 07:57:00 · answer #4 · answered by DariusAA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want out and your husband has threatened you, get out now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The choice of leaving should not be placed on your child. You need to make the decision for your child for what is best. If you are afraid to leave, call the police station and have them come over to you can get your things. They will help you with a shelter for you and your child/children if you are a victim of domestic violence and maybe because you are just darn afraid of this man. I would be concerned. Anyone who has said "unpleasant things" will happen if you were divorced is a little scary to me.
2006-12-18 08:47:41 · answer #5 · answered by Andrea D. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you may have an answer in your mind right now but you are confused coz you don't know if it is the right decision. In any marriage where one party is unfaithful to their partner, it is almost over. In your case your husband have been un faithful to you for few years. You have to be strong enough to deal with this problem. You should not be soft hearted in dealing with such problems. Explain to your kids on your decision and I believe they will support your decision.
All the best to you
2006-12-18 08:33:11 · answer #6 · answered by Clown & Joker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave and Leave now, From experience they never change your children will grow up and move on with there lives leaving you with what? He will never respect you until you stand up and respect yourself neither will your children standing up for yourself will earn you the respect you deserve and until you do he will just keep cheating your children will learn to deal with it and probably love you more as time goes on as you will become a stronger more confident and happy person when you say enough and demand the respect as a wife and mother that your entitled too.
2006-12-18 07:48:24 · answer #7 · answered by skyedyke 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you dont say how old your children are but they must realize that their mother has feeling to if you have put up with this for 7yrs its not going to change he'll keep doing it and threating you has he been unfaithful all this time with the same woman if so forgrt it he wont change he just wants his cake and eat it to how much more time does he want to break up with this woman hes a bullshit artist take the plunge and tell him to go to hell listen to your heart and do whats right for you and tell the kids not to be as selfish as their father is believe me they will survive the thing is will you if you dont be strong.
2006-12-18 07:52:27 · answer #8 · answered by flossypants 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I get rid of them the minute that I found out they cheat. You need to go no matter what your kids think about it. Sounds like he's had you right where he wants you for long enough. Dependant upon him and helpless. He sounds like a real gem.
2006-12-18 07:46:53 · answer #9 · answered by MsFancy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if u re divorsed it doesn't mesn children don't see their father. and as dr. phill says it is better to be from the broken home than to live in one. but it is your life after all. i had 3 children and got divorsed anyway. now i have a wonderful man who loves me very much. children see their father every week if they want to. i don't see they re missing this constant arguing we had with their father every minute of our lives
2006-12-18 07:44:29 · answer #10 · answered by jacky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋