My new husband has pretty much ended our relationship because he firmly believes I cheated on him at the start of our relationship with one of my old housemates. He’s always had his suspicion and I’ve tried to convince him I haven’t been with anyone else (I really didn’t!!!). He’s said I can put a stop to it all, if I just be honest with him and tell him what went on and maybe we can save our marriage. The thing is, nothing ever happened at all!!
To be fair I did live with about 7 very promiscuous men (you know the Aussie/Saffa house in west London thing) in a crazy party house, and one guy in particular (the one he thinks I cheated with) was very sleazy and did say a few things that even I can’t explain.
We’ve been together a year, and have just got married (yes, too soon in hindsight) and he’s said he doesn’t believe me, so I have said well I will leave because I have done nothing. He’s been going on about it on and off for a while, but its just escalated.
What the? This is
2006-12-17 23:07:21 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
* We have argued over this for quite a long time and he always says he believes me in the end. This time even in the morning he still believes it, he is serious this time. I am staying with a friend tonight.
* To top it all off, I'm staying at the house where this guy lives.
* I am Australian and most of my friends have left to go home, my only really close friend lives in my old house.
2006-12-17 23:42:02 · update #1
He is often paranoid about a lot of things, his last girlfriend was very paranoid and physco towards him and he hated it. He admits now that he acts like her.
They apparenlty both cheated on each other to hurt each other, but they were quite young.
He is definitely effected by this.
2006-12-17 23:43:24 · update #2
Got married because otherwise we had to leave each other. Visa issues - he is finishing a course and my time was up. We were in love and just didn't see another option.
Were we stupid, I don't know :(
2006-12-18 02:36:33 · update #3
I'm really sorry to hear he's being like that!. You cant have a relationship with someone who doesn't trust you. Even if he backs down n says he believes you this time what sort of life would you have with him? Would he be constantly jealous and suspicious of you? It may be for the best that this has happened sooner rather than later .
2006-12-17 23:12:55 · answer #1 · answered by serephina 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm glad u realise that marriage was a bit too quick a step for the two of you to take. but the real question here is taht why did he marry u in the first place without having 100% trust in you. I get the feeling that you are being honest about the fact that u didnt cheat (because if u did cheat u'd admit it on here as no one knows u, therefore u have nothing to fear as such!) so if he doesnt blv you then the major problem lies with him. I reckon that he is getting this idea from somewhere... someone could be feeding him rubbish and he then reacts with confronting you about something. is he quite an insecure person? maybe he's been cheated on before and so he thinks every woman is like that.the fact that this guy u lived with said a few things is probably the main thing annoying him. are u still in touch witht his guy? explain to him that ur marriage is at stake here and he needs to set the record str8 with ur husband that nothign happened. i'm sure u can appeal to his better nature and maybe the three of u could sit down and talk thru what happened and wht didnt happen...
I do hope u can sort it out. marriage is meant to be a lifelong bond between two people. trust is integral and if its not there in the beginning the two ppl need to strive to get it. try and work thru it best you can and avoid being another statistic for the divorce courts.
best of luck, I am sure u will work it out.
x
2006-12-18 07:18:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, look into his eyes and maintain that stare whenever he starts the topic and say that you cannot own something you have not done, just to pacify him. Say it in a calm, frustrated voice. Stop talking and giving explanations to him and tell him that if he wants to end the marriage because of a suspicion which is not true, he is welcome but you would still like to tell him that he has hurt you a lot many times and without any fault on your part and you will never forgive him for that. Tell him that he was your only love and you would have readily owned the affair with the guy, if there had been one, just to shut him up, but since there was nothing that you would feel guilty about, you cannot bear with it any longer. Everytime he starts his ranting, either express these sentiments or remain silent and walk out of the room with a gloomy face. Keep this up for sometime and report to us what happened?
2006-12-18 07:13:56 · answer #3 · answered by Smriti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Boy! He dosn't trust you at all does he !! Not a good sign so early on in a relationship let alone a marriage. Don't let him bully you. Tell him straight
Turn the tables on him. say this ...
"I havn't done anything behind your back and never will, I married you because I love you, if I didn't i would have married someone else and if I wanted to be with someone else I bl**dy well would ...But I don't, for some unknown crazy reason I want to be with someone that dosn't trust me one fu**ing bit what so ever.
I can't take much more of this, you have to sort out your paranoia and jealousy and move on coz you are wrecking our marriage, and quite frankly this is putting me off coming home. and I don't think thats a good sign for a happy marriage.
Oh and when you do come back down to planet earth, an apology would be a good idea for a START "
Good luck babes
F**king Men, Can't live with them .....Can't live with them!!
x
2006-12-18 07:38:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your hubby has a lot of issues himself and is very insecure. Maybe you did marry a little too quickly, but well, the best thing now is to try salvage what you have. Tell him that you did nothing with this man, and this is the very last time you are telling him. Then say he needs to trust and believe you, and if he can't do that, then he needs to get help. Be firm and say you are not prepared to go on defending yourself for something you didn't do and it is over. If he sees you mean business, then maybe you can move forward.
2006-12-18 07:16:27 · answer #5 · answered by salstick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Offer to take a lie detector test! Being honest your word is obviously not good enough for this man - which of course is not right - particularly when you two are only just married - you need to tell him that you will not be accused of doing something when you didnt and that if he wont take your word for this then hes not worth being with hun.
Hes telling you to admit something that never happened - he sounds like a bully.
right now you two should be happy together celebrating newly married life - I think the fact you're not says there is something drastically wrong with the relationship.
If after talking to him he wont back down - I think you're better off walking away from him. You're his wife - and he's not treating you the way you deserve to be. xx
2006-12-18 08:29:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say yes he is very paranoid. Seems to be he wants to hear things that are not true. I have been in that situation also, just talking on the phone and husband was sure i had to be talking about sex with my guy friend. I hate to say this but chances are he's not going to change, so unless you are willing to deal with this being thrown up in your face for the next 30 years, cut your losses and move on. Divorce. Life can go on. Good luck
2006-12-18 08:10:06 · answer #7 · answered by missy j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has apparently heard talk from others about you, it is hard to convince someone of anything once they set their minds to the rumor board. I think marriage counseling is good, and if you associate with your old roomies, you may want to cut them off completely, get a whole new circle of friends, in mean time if you really love your husband show him, and stop denying because it only makes things worse. He will eventually see that you are telling the truth hopefully before things get really bad.
2006-12-18 07:14:12 · answer #8 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sounds very insecure and from his past relationship he will know how easy it can be to cheat and so has become paranoid, the only thing you can do is tell him you love him and reassure him , if he thought this in the beginning why did he marry you, just try and talk to him and reassure you still want to be with him and maybe if this doesn't work he should go to relate or get counciling to help him come to terms with his fear of losing you to another guy
2006-12-18 08:07:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are true and honest then you should not feel guilty for anything.
You may have had relationships before him...most likely he has had them also.
If you ain't cheating then tell him to get over it. A marriage is about being open and honest. If you ain't that then why get married in the first place?
One that always accuses the other means they are cheating themselves.
2006-12-18 07:19:25 · answer #10 · answered by Magicman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋