Am I wrong to be annoyed?

Question

A certain friend of mine and I sort of grew apart before we graduated from high school, but I still made the effort to call every so often, just because we had been friends for so long I didn't want things to end badly between us.

Well, my grandmother lives with my family, and over the past several months she's gone through three operations for breast cancer, which we found out she had over the summer. Many of my friends have come by to see her and offer their support and I'm grateful for that. They also helped me deal with a boss that treated me so badly I would leave work in tears more often than not.

During this time, I never heard from the certain friend I mentioned once, she never even returned my phone calls. Just a few days ago, she called me up and said she wished I would call her, then invited me to a party and asked what gift I was getting her. After I told her I couldn't afford a lot of presents, she got mad and got off the phone. Am I wrong to be annoyed?

Answer 1

Hi there !!! First of all I Pray that your grandmother is doing much better, as well as you and your family. When a loved one gets sick we feel so helpless, wanting to do so much more than we can really do.

I believe true friends are with you in good and bad times. I am sorry but they say bad news travels fast, if your friend did not return your calls, then yes I would be upset. To add insult to injury she gets upset and gets off the phone because you explain you can not afford gifts now? Forget about her. You need her like a hole in the head.
You should though take a break sweetie. Try to forget for a little while all this that is going on in your life. I must confess we have to be very careful to judge other peoples actions, you should find out the true intentions behind this girls invitation. What if she just wanted to take you away from your caos. What if she did not know the way to express her pain towards what was happening to you ? I know though you mentioned she did not return your calls. What if she did not find the right words to say. Some people get tied up in knots and hide in a shell when in hard situations.
I wish you and your family all the best. A speedy recovery for your grandma, physically and spiritually, as well as for you and your family.
Take care of yourself, remember to eat and sleep, your body will thank you later, and do not allow others to make you get upset /
Remember we are in control of how we allow others to make us feel.
God Bless


One more thing, about your boss, Life is to short to be employed by someone that makes you leave in tears. I would analyze this situation. Try to avoid him, and at the same time I would start looking for work somewhere else. We spend a great deal of hours of our life at work, and we should feel happy where we work and happy about our working conditions. Again life is to short to put up with people that just poison the air we must breathe. One thing at a time though.
New year is coming around, so make some new year resolutions, and good luck .

Answer 2

You are not wrong to be annoyed. Even if, by chance, your friend did not know about what went on with your grandmother or your job, she should not have gotten mad at you about the birthday gift. I hate to say it, but your friend sounds a bit self-involved. That is not what you need right now in your life. You deserve better. You deserve friends who are there to help you when things get rough.

I don't think you have to "officially end" your relationship with this supposed friend or have a long conversation with her about what happened between you both. It's not worth the trouble at this time. The ball is in her court. See what she does. If she calls you next week and says she's sorry and asks how you are, then consider keeping her as a friend. Otherwise, it's probably best to let the matter drop until things settle down for you.

I wish your dear grandmother the best, and I'd say, look into finding another job as soon as possible. Your boss sounds so horrible! You'll be much happier if you cut that boss out of your life. Take good care of yourself. Best with everything.

Answer 3

Well, as you said many of your friends still care about you when you are in troubling. Some of them might helps with intention, while some is sincere. So you still have a friend who treat you sincerely, why you want to care so much with this one who get mad just because you cant afford to buy her present. True friend doesnt and never act this way.. And she should apologize to you. I believe if you share this with the other friends, they will support you.

Answer 4

For one, the fact that you're trying to make him feel bad by crying should make you realize something. He's protecting himself by temporarily shutting down while you cry. Imagine for a moment that whenever he got upset with you, that he would stand very close to you (face to face) and screamed profanities at you (think of the coach fighting with the referee in baseball). Would that make you receptive to what he has to say? I'm sure it wouldn't, and you'd probably do something to protect yourself emotionally. When a woman cries to garner sympathy or guilt in a man, it can feel like this to us. Woman aren't this way so they often find it hard to understand men, but do some reading and you can learn how we're wired and it will make more sense to you. Research has shown that when a woman is emotional with a man (crying, pouting, whining, etc.) it puts a man under significant distress, so much so that men often shut down out of self-defense. When they shut down, their stress level eases (so it's good self-defense) and the woman's level of stress then rises. Books by Dr. John Gottman describe this in detail and would be a good starting point for you.

Answer 5

Does your friend know that you were going through such a rough time? If she does not know what is going on, then you really don't have the right to be upset with her. However, if she does know of the troubles with your grandmother and your boss, then don't waste your time being annoyed, kick her to the curb and count the many blessings you do have in your life.

Answer 6

Let's see, you try and try to keep this girl a part of your life...
She doesn't respond to repeated calls...
Showed no support for you during your times of crisis...
But one day out of the blue she invites you to a party and has the nerve to ask you what you're getting her??

Yes you should be annoyed. She's not a true friend from the way it sounds, and I personally would dump her like a hot brick.

Answer 7

c it depends, if she knew that u going through a bad phase, and still dint care to call u and then out of a blue moon calls u to a party u hv every right to get annoyed, but if she has no idea, then she calls u on party, mite b she thought u trying to avoid her, but its human to get annoyed once i a while even, u cant b expected to behave normally, wen u r not, but then she has right to get annoyed too, if she doesnt know wat u were going through

Answer 8

you are deff not wrong to be annoyed. if something like that happened to me i would be really pissed off. it sounds like you've been going though a rough patch and for her to call up and ask what your going to get her after she hasn't even returned your calls is really rude. your have every right to be annoyed with her

Answer 9

this is called a self centered only care about herself ***** dump the loser you will be better for it surround yourself with good friends and family life is tough enough with out dealing with losers like that i hope your grandma will do OK

Answer 10

Your friend has yet to realize an uncomfortable truth: you can't just be friends when it suits you; it is a two-way street. She is not your friend. If you really needed her, you would never hear from her.