Should I keep my opinion to myself abot my best friends husband?

Question

My best friend and I have been best friends since 10th grade! We both married our high school sweethearts and live within 15 miles of each other and talk on the phone everyday. We share our feelings about everything! Good or bad. We love each other and have never been at odds over anything...until now. Her husband has been displaying signs of infidelity and I can plainly see it. However, when I question her or dog on him she clams up and makes excuses for him. I feel like she is in denial,but do not want her to resent me for "breaking up their marriage. They have 3 children and have been married 12 years. I dont want to see them get divorced but, he is starting to verbally and emotionally abuse her. and whats worse, I see it affecting the kids. I have even thought about taking pictures to incriminate him so she will see how badly hes been treating her and lying to her about where he is going. Should I leave it alone or keep pushing the issue?

My husband has offered to follow him for her, but she thinks there is no need. If her husband has done anything to be ashamed of he hasnt told my husband. We both think he is. I am worried about my friend. She is loosing her sweet spirit. Lately she has been bitter and short with her kids and never has time to herself. She needs boosting up. I try but her buthole husband just makes her stay with the kids all the time while he goes out at night and "hunts arrowheads til' four in the morning??!!! Any of you men out there ever heard that one? or is that a legitimate reason for being out all night?

Answer 1

Please think about this... If you truly respect your friend, you will allow her the dignity of making her own mistakes. You've said what you wanted to say and she's let you know that she's not interested in your opinion. Take the hint and back off.

If you really think about it, your position could be seen as arrogant. You are the self appointed committee of one who has decided to intervene in your friend's marriage. This is not cool. Please stop doing it.

If you're right, your friend might very likely leave her husband. So she will lose her husband and perhaps you at the same time. You could get blamed for her situation -- it happens. Back off.

You've made your share of mistakes. Let your friend make hers. If you have any respect for your friend, you will realize that she is capable of making her own decisions and she is capable of living with her decisions and she is capable of fixing her mistakes. Let her live her life.

Be there for her and be a friend to her. Don't try to tell her what she should do or how she should interpret things. If you really care, then take it easy and just be her friend. Be a good listener.

Good luck to you and your friend.

Answer 2

I would just be there and say this too shall pass. She will come around some day and she will need you. Ask her what she thinks. Tell her why you think you do. I would hate to have to put suspiscious thoughts into someone's head, but, she's your friend. Tell her you love her, care about her and her family, the last thing you want to see is a divorce, but you don't want her to be hurt emotionally or physically. Maybe try to get friend together and try to intervene. Sometimes hearing it from a group of friends makes it seem more unbiased, but in turn, it could feel like she's being backed into a corner. You could take pictures, and show them, but she may also feel resentment, and you would have to deal with that and wait. Do what you're willing to put up with.

Answer 3

You will probably get answers telling you to mind your own business, BUT this is 'not' one of them.
Take pictures!!
Get any/all evidence you can on this jerk and show it to her.
And as hard as this might be for you, you have got to stop talking to her every day, and let her call you 'every' time.
Simply tell her she isn't being fair by ignoring your concerns about her marriage, considering you have proof that he is unfaithful. NO NO NO, do not leave it alone, thats the biggest problem with society today, nobody wants to get involved.
If more people 'would' have gotten involved in a lot of abuse cases just think how many women could have been helped/
saved from such terrible men.
I know how it feels to be cheated on, and beaten black and blue.
No one came to my rescue, but i was smart enough to get away.
Do whatever you can to help your friend, but you must use some
'tough love' too.
The children are always vitims of spousal abuse, and if nothing else do this for them..

Answer 4

Sometimes trying to be helpful can come back on you. Your friend may resent your interference regardless of your motivation. If you have absolute proof that her husband is cheating you could show it to her and be there to support her should she need you but like I said, she might take the truth of the matter out on you. Eventually she will get over the hurt and humiliation and become close to you again but there will be a caution there and she may envy your marriage so be ready for that to.

Answer 5

I know these things can bother the crap out of a person. But you must know all the facts first. If you can provide proof beyond a doubt like pictures then go for it. If not mind your own business. There are always two sides of every story. Call that show Cheaters if it is still going. Could be interesting!

Good Luck and Merry Christmas!

Answer 6

Your priority is your friend, try to make her understand that you are giving her serious advice for what you beieve to be her best. You may have a problem with your relationship with her for a while, but when she has had time to digest the information she will see where your comming from. Remember, how will you feel in a few years time if she turns round to you and asks "How could you let me? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you make me understand?" In a few years time it will be too late. Be there for your friend, she has a really difficult time ahead of her.

Answer 7

You should talk to them about counseling. You should tell them both some names of marriage counselors, in their area. Maybe you should even remind them of their original marriage vows, and should help them problem solve. If the husband continues or worsens his abuse, talk about shelters in the area for women and their families, and have the authorities consulted. Do not take any photos, as this is unnecessary, and getting caught could ruin a relationship between you and your friend. Help her realize about her husband by talking to her. If they need time alone, offer to take in her kids, and let them have a "Weekend Retreat."

Answer 8

Don;t leave it alone or push it, simply have a good chat with her. Tell her how much you love her and the kids. Explain to her you are not trying to cause problems but you need to get something off your chest and get her opinion on it. get it out in the open and see what her opinion on it is.

You have been friends a long time, she should be thankful to have someone that loves her and cares about her as much as you do.

Answer 9

in the beginning: it form of feels sparkling that it particularly is your artwork. you're already on the internet, why attempt to choose for much greater anonymity by using pretending it substitute into written by using somebody else? 2d: you could desire to repair the spelling errors. you could style with undesirable spelling and grammar online, yet once you're writing prose you could superb be sure your spelling and grammar are good notch. 0.33: teen drama thoughts approximately your existence (or possibly a made-up existence) are not often exciting until something significant occurs. events are no longer significant. Getting inebriated isn't significant. while you're writing a sensible tale approximately adolescents, you could superb have something shifting. Fourth: you won't be able to be so delicate approximately your writing. once you place as much as magazines, they're going to easily respond with a "No." those comments will help you out.

Answer 10

If she is your friend the only thing that you can do is listen to her and be by her side if you have talked to her about the situation and she makes light about it leave it along. You can talk until you're blue in the face but once the **** hits the fan you just tell her I told you so. Be a friend and lend a shoulder to cry on or a ear to listen just don't constantly throw it in her face.