Having kids is hard.?

Question

My boy is 1 yr old and I love him so much but I feel like I don't have a life anymore. I used to by in shape, and look great. Now most of my time is just running around, and stressed out with my wife. I gave up my sports car for a minivan.... Help???

Answer 1

What you describe is actually quite common. They will be out of diapers soon enough and you will get your life and your wife back. Its not about you probably for the first time in your life. Kids need both their parents. Your wife is probably beat and stressed out with you, the kids and her lack of life too.

Give her a break and the two of you need to get out once a week. Get a good sitter (the child's grandparents would be a good choice) and take Saturday or Friday evening for yourself. If your wife breast feeds have her pump enough so that jr gets his last night feeding and pick him up in the morning.

A son, you lucky guy. This will pass. Be patient and really try to understand that both of you are going through incredible emotional, physical and psychological change now. It is important to celebrate each other as a couple and not just as parents.

Nights out with the boys don't fly now. The only time you will have may be that one night a week. In a few years though he will be in school and you will have more time to do the things you like. Don't miss these early years. He hasn't walked yet or is just starting to. Get a good camera and stop to smell the roses and the poop.

Tell your wife shes beautiful, buy her flowers and take her out. You are a real adult now. You can make it the best time of your life or the worst. Just get some sleep and be patient with your son, your wife and yourself.

Hope this helps

Answer 2

Yes, having kids is VERY hard. Life will never be the same, but it will always only be what you make of it. You can either just give up, be stressed out and depressed about it, etc., or you can make it better and create a new outlook.
You can still look like you did a year ago. You can still have a life that includes ALMOST all the same things it did before, with some effort. You don't HAVE to drive a minivan-it's only one kid!
As the baby gets a little older, and you get more relaxed about being a parent, things will settle into place. But you have to be the one to take the initiative to make your life what you want it to be. If you just let it happen and blame it all on the fact that a child came into the world, not only will you end up miserable, but you may also end up divorced and miss out on all the great parts of having a son.
Start exercising. You may not be able to have the sports car anymore, but there is some middle ground between young stud and grandpa, ya know. Trade in that minivan for an SUV, an ext. cab pickup, or a sportier looking 4 door car. Get a sitter and take your wife on a date. You can choose to redefine your situation, and getting proactive about it instead of feeling hopeless will make you happier and a better person, father, and husband. Hang in there!

Answer 3

Yes, being a parent is the hardest job you will ever have. It is also the most satisfying, rewarding and important job you will ever have. You will be more effective if you take a little time for yourself. Go back to the gym, buy a sports car for "date nights" if money permits. Just be sure to allow mom the same time to take care of herself too. The little things help you to be a more centered and focused parent and spouse. A 1 year old shouldn't take that much time "running around" wait till he is a teen ager, then you will understand what running around is all about! I have 3 teenagers in activities and sports, I work full time outside the home, run a farm, frequent the gym, run daily and drive a hot car when I don't need the minivan or truck. I wouldn't have it any other way! It can be done, you just have to prioritize and give up the things that aren't as important to you.

Answer 4

You have a 1 year old baby boy. You feel like you don't have a life anymore.

Hmmm... It's all in how you look at it. You're a lucky man and you do have a life. You have your own life but you also have the little baby in your life. I remember those days well when my first was 1 year old. What a wonderful time it was! Every now and then, I wish I could go back because the time went by so fast.

My advice to you is that you keep a journal and take a lot of pictures. You have no idea how much you will one day long to be back here where you are right now. Write in your journal every day and take a picture of your little boy every day. This won't last nearly as long as you think it will. Babies don't stay babies for long.

When you become responsible for another human being, you truly become a man. You trade away all the vestiges of your youth (the sports car) for those of adulthood (the minivan).

You're just going through and adjustment period and instead of accepting where you are, you seem to be lamenting it. I fear you will miss out on some pretty neat stuff if you continue this...

You have some decisions to make... How are you going to look at your life? Do you want to look at it through crap colored glasses or rose colored glasses? It's normal to feel a little stress and loss of your youth and carefree days. But it is also normal to enjoy life with a new baby.

What a wonderful time of life you are right smack in the middle of. Celebrate it. Enjoy it. Document it for later enjoyment. Keep a journal and take photos.

Hope this helps.

Good luck to you and your little family.

Answer 5

Yes, it is hard having kids! All the changing and adjustment is very difficult on most people.
Just try to find some balance. Of course your primary responsibility is to be a parent and a husband, but dont' forget to set aside some time to have fun. Get a sitter once in a while and take your wife out. Try not to get too stressed over things. All parents have stressful moments and it's not always going to be the way you imagined it would be.
Make some time for yourself, and you will start to feel like you have a life again.

Answer 6

That is the life of children. Sometimes we maks sacrafices for are own personal space to raise them. The best remedy is to find a special time for ourselves, even if it is just an hour or two a week for just us. Make sure during those times you spend time on only you, whatever activity it is. Also some gyms like balley's have babysitting and play rooms to take your child to in order to work out and it gives you some instaneious me time also. You can also put money to the side for special things just for you, call it your own allowence, and never feel guilty about it because being giving to yourself allows you to have something special that belongs to you, no matter how big or small it might be, and when you treat yourself decently the whole household tends to run better. Keep personal goals aside from raising children which gives you the feeling of accomplishment. Have gratitude for your little one because so many people cannot have a child.

Answer 7

I hear ya...but it does get easier. Stop thinking of your youth and enjoy your son before its to late. They grow up so quickly. As far as you not being in shape because you have a son is such a lame excuse. You only have one kid that is only 1 yrs old...huh...just wait til you have more then one and they are older doing all their extra curricular activities and school functions and homework and friends. Then maybe you can say your running circles and it never ends. You and your wife need to sit down and talk things over about scheduling and try to figure out how you can get your life back in order before you have a 3 yr old trying to be independant and testing his grounds. Sit back and clear your head and take a moment and it will come to you. Dont waste your time on what could of beens but on the what will be's.

Answer 8

This is all part of life. You still can enjoy your life if you plan your time properly and be in good shape. I know that it may not be easy as before the child arrived but you still can manage.
Having a child is the greatest gift you can get and being close to him will give you all the joy you need, not your sports car or anything,

Good luck

Answer 9

never let the child run your life
it's the other way around
ALWAYS
to that end you need structure
and fast
you failed to plan and that's why you feel like you have no life
you shouldn't have gotten rid of the sports car
i see this too often with those who have children ( and you only have one )
once you have 2 then you feel isolated
as you stop seeing people
going out
ect....
all my inlaws have kids
except me
so they think it's ok to encumber their children on my free time
as if my time is less valuable then theirs ( it's not ) , hence why i do not babysit
don't get me wrong i like the kids
but once they go, take the kids with them
they choose to have kids
they should have planned for that and took control
and not complain about having no time or messy houses, cars ect
i have seen those who take control
and how orderly their life is
their houses, cars and life in general are neat
the run a tight ship

Answer 10

dont let being a mum stop you having a life,,yes you now have a pram infront of you but the pram doesnt dictate where it is pushed,,go out and catch up with your life,,it cant have gotten too far away in one year,,,it is normal to feel this way and no one will say you are wrong to say the things you do but this is motherhood,,things will improve a lot as your child gets older and is more able to do more but dont forget,,they do grow up fast,,cliche i know,but true.....for every week you are just being mum take a day just to be you,,you will feel more like your old self and better able to deal with all these changes.