When I married my husband the way I looked at him was with such a light and admiration. He made me feel so special, always thinking of me and us.....or so I thought. 2 weeks after we got married I found out he was talking to girls over the internet and has continued to do so off and on every 2-3 months for the entire 2 years we have been married. As time goes on it gets worse and worse, it has gotten to the point where he almost physically cheated on me. He had never admitted to anything I always just find out about it on my own. When I confront him he gets accusing 'why were you looking through my ****' or 'i do it because you......'. i am just curious if this time really is different and he does stop am i ever going to be able to be happy with him because of the pain he has caused me for so long? will i ever really be able to trust him? even if he stops mental/emotional abuse and infedelity will i ever be happy with him, will he ever be the man i need him to be or am i just nieve?
2006-12-17 17:54:14 · 20 answers · asked by jjwartemis85 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's addicted and a deceiver. He must get help and if not leave him...he'll never change. Personally I would put a shovel through that monitor.
2006-12-17 17:58:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey The issue is not if you can trust him - You can't.... The question is why do you not trust yourself??? No this time it is not REALLY different - This time is not different and He is not going to change. People for the most part don't change. I am not saying to leave him - I advise you to search your being and try to figure out what keeps you there. When you know why you do what you do it won't matter what he does. Remember Love is actions.... and it is not love if both partners do not manifest it in the relationship. Be the person you need!! Come through the wilderness - the lonliness, the pain, the anger, the resentment, the part of you that feels crappy... find yourself honey and I gaurantee you when you decide you deserve more You don't have to settle for Less - you will not be concerned about if he is changed because you will have changed and that will change your life. You Go Girl!
2006-12-17 18:18:14 · answer #2 · answered by mystic river 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain and youre right trust is the main ingredints in a married also communication and understanding i feel you need a marriage counseling to help you out #1 you cant go though his thing just as he to respect your stuff #2 no he should be talk to girl in person or on the web he marry and that the other part of being married commitment you need to go out as a date find each other again and share that kiss that brought you togethere in the first place just remerber talking is not sex bad yes so slow down and good luck
2006-12-17 18:16:34 · answer #3 · answered by nightman122554 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In answer to your first question, it becomes impossible to overcome the pain when the spouse refuses to stop the actions that cause the pain. If you have issues this severe this early in your marriage, I would say bail out before you invest any more time and emotional energy. I usually advocate working things out and giving the benefit of the doubt, but this is extreme. You are not wrong, he has given you every reason not to trust him and no reason to trust him. I do not think you will ever be truly happy with him. He has shown no willingness to change his ways and that leads me to believe that he doesn't value you as his wife. A person deserves to be valued and appreciated as well as loved in a marriage. You are getting none of that. You deserve better!
2006-12-17 18:04:18 · answer #4 · answered by T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been married for two years to a man who talks to girls over the Internet. Your husband tries to blame his behavior on you. You talk about all the pain your husband has caused you.
I see a theme here... I see that you blame him for the pain you experience and he blames you for his inappropriate behavior. I see a lack of personal responsibility in both you and your husband.
This does not sound like a very healthy relationship. Please keep in mind that HE is not causing you pain. You are causing the pain by allowing him to continue his behavior all the while you stay in this relationship. The choice is yours. You can put up with this crap or you can grow some ovaries and set some limits on the man. He can do what he wants but you can establish some boundaries and limits. You do not have to accept unacceptable behavior. But it appears that is exactly what you are doing.
This crap has been going on now for two years. How long does it take for you to get the hint? He doesn't value his relationship with you. He doesn't care about you. He is messed up. Are you getting it?
Your story is very sad. But what are YOU going to do? Will you continue to accept this crap or will you set some limits and stand up for yourself and for what you believe in.
You made a mistake. Cut your losses.
For you, there is hope but your husband is a lost soul.
Good luck to you.
2006-12-17 18:45:08 · answer #5 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your not being naive, but think about this. What if you try your best to overcome the pain, and it keeps resurfacing. Most likely you would be bitter, and in turn treat him in a way that would eventually push him away. Then you would be back where you started. Don't become the reason for the mariage ending. You have to be able to forgive, but some people forget that and sub-consciously want revenge. The want to punish the partner for what theve done, and then it ends up backfiring.
2006-12-17 18:12:45 · answer #6 · answered by ckgene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men will only change if they want to--if it serves their purpose which in this case is a mystery. Your pain is real and excruciating and he probably feels that what he is doing is no big thing. The mental and emotional abuse tears away at the fabric of who you are. I am not you, but if I were, I would run.
2006-12-17 18:02:49 · answer #7 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't control others but you can control how you react to them. So, if your reaction to how your spouse is acting is sadness and mistrust, have a talk with him. Perhaps marriage counseling will help. Tell him you are having problems with the relationship and if he considers the relationship sufficiently important, he will honor your concerns and go to counseling. If he rejects counseling, ask him if he is also rejecting your fears. Your fears, your concerns are your own, and are perfectly legitimate. They need to be answered. If he is unwilling to address your concerns over this, how is he going to act when you have other issues, either with him or with other life problems? If he won't honor you, then honor yourself and get rid of him.
2006-12-17 18:02:39 · answer #8 · answered by judgebill 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would like to see you do what HE'S doing!!! Things would be entirely different then.The more you hassle him, the more he'll probably be defensive about it. As hard as it is, turn the tables a little bit; act like it doesn't bother you. Make HIM suspicious of YOU. IF it doesn't bother him, then why waste your time? Men can be so immature and think they can basically do whatever they want.
2006-12-17 18:02:30 · answer #9 · answered by Nancy D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a individual concern, and can only be spoke back by the events in contact. needless to say that's a perplexing time, and the marriage must be stable adequate to stay to inform the tale it. in many cases, if that's the feminine it is dishonest, it makes it plenty greater no longer straightforward by means of male ego. females tend to have greater forgiveness, greater expertise, and the skill to forget approximately the previous. that's only like various different transgression, in case you carry it over somebody and continuously carry it up, then it is going to reason harm.
2016-12-18 15:12:48 · answer #10 · answered by salguero 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋