Why to things change after a couple have a baby?

Question

He put a $20,000 diamond on her finger. It was
a romance written on the stars, untill the baby came. Now they argue all the time. Since she doesn't work and he does, he complains if he has
to help out. Now he is mad at her because she is
not loosing the weight fast enough.(true story)
As I walked through the laundry mats and shopping
malls . I have witnessed many mothers and a few
fathers screaming at their children, filled with anger at them. So where is the joy of having a child?

why do things change after a couple
have a baby?

Answer 1

Sometimes, couples who were so madly in love with other, and think that everything was pecfect in their life get so bored,so they think that bringing a child in their world will be filled with happiness, they don't realize that when your not ready (i mean really ready,not just out of boredom) you will find the child as a burden, and if they were good parents they should be helping each other taking care of the baby whether the other one is working or not, taking care of a child is work too, and if the husband is a good husband at all he won't complain on taking care of the baby, he should be more helpful and more loving on his wife. And weight should not be a factor for him getting mad on his wife unless she's not really making an effort to lose weight, and she should try to lose her weight too.
A child becomes a burden to some couple because they just don't know what their doing. If your good parents a child should not be a burden but brings joy to the parents and brings them closer to each other, but they are just dumb,and selfish for having a baby and realized then that they're not ready and they'll take out on each other, & don't realize that it's the child who will suffer.

Answer 2

Things change because the focus changes. The child will take time away from the husband when that time was spent as a couple which he may resent. A lot of guys feel that doing their 8 hours at work is the only responsibility they have. They don't see that you have done your eight hours too. It's an age old problem that may be cured through communication. These people at stores etc. may have reached the end of their rope at that moment and blown a gasket. Beyond that all I can say is this: you need a license to drive a car but the biggest moron can have a child and the don't come with instructions.

Answer 3

Even perfect husbands change when a baby comes. It's just plain stressful. Plus lack of sleep and a feeling of uselessness contributes as well. An infant needs constant nurturing, and the mother is usually the most equiped to provide that (especially nursing moms, for obvious reasons). It can lead to dads feeling left out of both their parter's life and the baby's.
It's important for new parents to try to remember to take time not only for themselves but also for each other. Make each other feel needed and wanted in the relationship. And it doesn't last forever. Eventually being parents, people and mates will balance itself out.
As for why do parents go off on their kids, well, my theory is that the pressure to be the "perfect parent" has increased so much. You feel like you're judged on everything, how you look, how your kids behave, what age they were when they first started walking, talking, whatever. I've dropped a few moms groups because I felt the competition was too intense. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, or a perfect child. I had to listen to a mom at a playground talk on and on about how fantastically advanced her toddler was. Advanced or not, the kid still ate two worms. Kids are kids, good and bad. And logic just plain doesn't work on kids. Probably not until they're 25 or so, and then it's debatable. It can drive you absolutely batty and make you angry. I've almost lost it with my kids numerous times. But for every time I've almost pulled my hair out, there are 100 more when I just feel absolutely blessed. And maybe, when my kids are grown, I'll be thankful for those qualities when they are adults. I might be thrilled that my daughter knows how to stand her ground when she's in a position to fight for what she believes in. Right now, it's whether or not I give her popcorn for dinner (she hasn't won that argument yet). But later it might be her rights, or someone else's. I just try to keep that in mind when I'm about to start climbing the walls. It's tough, but it definately helps.

Answer 4

I've got 4 children and I can assure you their is very much joy in having a child, but your right some things change. Usually people that have children they scream at all the time are to immature to have them yet, but once their here it's to late to do anything about it. Also, people think children are easy to raise and that is in no way true, it is the hardest job there is. Then in some cases the extra mouth you have to feed hurts your budget which causes problems. If more people would wait until their a little older, like mid to late 20's they would be more financially secure and prepared for a baby and they wouldn't be near as selfish.
But it truly is a miracle to have a child and seeing their first steps, hearing that first time they call you Mommy or Daddy and then when they start school and watching them become more and more independent and grow in to responsible adults there is nothing that can make you more proud.

Answer 5

I don't think there's a "standard" answer to this question because each marriage/relationship is individual and if you are not one of the people in it you can't know all the details. I do know that having a new baby can add stress to a relationship in a lot of ways that you don't think about and it takes work, but if you are both willing to give in on some things you can get through it.

As for seeing parents yelling at their children... yes, sometimes they do but that doesn't mean they don't love them or take joy in them. There is not room for me to even begin listing the joys brought by having a child.

One more thing, I'm not saying you're wrong about the "romance written in the stars" but keep in mind that we don't see everything that goes on between two people unless we are one of those two people!!

Answer 6

I believe that it's the stress, not only money, she don't look like she used too, blah blah blah, but the the unsaid stress of a new father who has no clue how to be a father, who has no clue what to do when the baby cries, who still cant find the front of the pamper, who can't deal with the baby crying at 2-3 and then again at 4 in the morning, is scared as hell to be a bad father, and because most of us are terrible at communication, the way it comes out is we act stupid. Not all of us ( and I'm not making a excuse for those that do) some of us are just a----- and can't help it.

Answer 7

Being married, having children, buying a house, all of the important things in life have a yin and a yang. It is the bittersweet journey of life, and none of us who have these things can avoid it.
When you get married, you are no longer just him and her, you are us. And when you have a baby, you are no longer just husband and wife, you are parents. Each of these major changes in a person's identity takes some time to adjust to and come to happy terms with.
Don't be discouraged by the mothers or fathers in public "yelling at their kids". Right now you are unhappy and unsure, and your view of other families is colored by that. Other people's unhappiness is what you are looking for, expecting, and identifying with. Kids misbehave, people get in a hurry, tempers get short. You're not seeing the their happy times at home, which more than make those "mall times" worth it.
Don't give up, hon. You will lose the weight if you set your mind to it. Getting stressed out or depressed about all of this will only make that harder. I know-you look at all the celebrities who have a baby and then go straight to the catwalk out of the delivery room, or the skinny woman at the store holding a 2 month old and wearing a midriff bearing halter top, and feel inadequate. But the truth is that the average woman takes about a year to get her pre-baby body. For every woman who's back to perfect within weeks, there is another woman who's still blaming that "pregnancy weight" on her 7 year old. We're all different. But you can make up your mind to do your best to be healthy, and get there as soon as you can.
The conflict will eventually settle too. Keep in mind that every type of negative feeling you are having-frustration, aggravation, inadequacy, fear, burden-he is going through the same thing as a new dad-just about different things. You are worried about losing the baby weight, he may be worrying about making enough money to give his child the life he wants for it. You feel like you have a husband that won't help with the dishes after you've been taking care of a baby all day, and he feels like you ask him to go to work all day, and then come home and do more work. All of these things you are talking about are what every new family goes through, and once you find a comfortable middleground, it will work itself out. As the baby gets a little older, things will get a little less hectic and scary. In the meantime, you need to take a break, and so does he. You have to take time for yourselves as individuals, and together as well to remember that you are still the people with the romance written in the stars, even with your new job roles. Hire a sitter, or let a family member or friend take the baby every now and then. You need to go out on a date. You need to go shopping without having to haul around the diaper bag, car seat, stroller, a medicine cabinet, etc. Not taking a break from the stress makes it seem alot worse day to day. Hang in there, hon.

Answer 8

After you have kids your world changes, you no longer see your mate as the #1 worry the baby is, But so many people forget that there is enough love for everyone ,we tend to focus on the child only. The joy is there in every baby smile and when you realize that you have a beautiful family, Thats after you forget the stress and responsibility for 30 seconds every year. Itsnot all bad or good , its what you make of it and how you handle things

Answer 9

men often easily fret out over some matters they deem unreasonable. From ladies to mothers, women suffer a lot. giving birth isn't simple task. moreover, a mother has greater responsibility over the children than her husband. a mother has to worry over health, education & insurance of her child. Thus, it's a noble job. Fathers just dun understand. man and wife should share burdens. being together means solving problems together. basic principle in every marriage is mutual tolerance & respect. Couples may feel children are hindrance to their pre-wedding life so full of romance. but setting up a family isn't any simple. u'll only feel great to have children when u become old. anyone also hate loneliness.

Answer 10

Because having a baby changes everything. All you attention is not on him, now there are 2 people you have to take of. You guys can't have sex like you use to, you feel or look different. Things get more complicated after you have a baby, but it will get easier and he will learn to help out and respect what you do for him and the baby. It will take some time maybe. Talk to him tell him how you feel this is both of your responsibility not just yours, Your tired and need help too!! Hang in there and take care... Babies are precious a gift from GOD! Remind him of that.