my wife is pissed at my parents for giving me advice while we were going through a hard time (while we were separated my dad basically told me to talk to a lawyer and take money out of our joint banking account because my wife sounds like trouble and to protect myself). now she basically hates them for giving me this advice and won't let them down for the holidays because she said she had no intentions of divorce but to get some things solved and she cannot believe my parents would think that i needed to protect myself from my her! (we are back together and doing pretty good). i'm stuck between trying to be with my parents at the holidays or putting my wife first (and not tell her just to get over it). i know you're suppose to put your wife first but she's just being overly emotional and a baby i feel like sometimes. however she's putting me in an uncomfortable spot. upset my parents or my wife!!! it's nuts.
2006-12-17 15:36:36 · 9 answers · asked by Johnny appleseed 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to sit down and talk to her...those are your parents and you cant replace them....if she loves you she will put her feelings aside for a couple of days to make you happy_
2006-12-17 15:39:32 · answer #1 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have epitimized the spirit of the holidays. Family members obliged to get together and enjoy each others company. However, most families have some dysfunction in them and most have siblings, in-laws, "that side of the family" which just don't get along. The most wonderful time of the year is full of stress, bs, and forced niceness.
If your parents are still controlling your life, then the wife has a gripe. If the advice was a one time thing going through rough times, then you can bet your wife was getting advice from somewhere too. It is a parents natural inclination to "protect" or in this case give advice when they see their child (who may be 40 years old) go through tough times.
Tell the wife that when you got married, she married your entire family in some regards, as did you with hers. Don't let the tough times fester and build resentment or every gathering will be stressed. Let her know why they gave you advice and now that divorce isn't on the radar to let it go. Grudges don't work at all. If she kissed and made up with you tell her she has to get over it with your folks. Period.
Good luck with it. Just put on a fake smile for another couple of weeks and this holiday bs will be over before you know it.
2006-12-17 15:58:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hai,
Your wife must be very emotional & sensitive character.In all family there will be problem between the girl & boys parents.Coz the boys parents will always feel that the girl has entered the family & she will snatch away the boy & take away from them.
As both of them lov you so much thats why the troubles starts,Its better to leave like that..it will get setle as time pass by..if u wana solutions make both of them to understand the situation & ur likes to each other.
2006-12-17 15:49:10 · answer #3 · answered by s s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normally I think men tend to be spineless when it comes to defending thier wives against their parents. But the question is did you take your parents' advice? If you did it seems to me her anger is directed at the wrong people and, if her anger is merited, it should be directed toward you. If you were seperated you probably thought that a divorce was not out of the question in which case I would have given you the same advice your parents did. Your wife is over-reacting. It is also petty of her not to allow your parents to be with you on Christmas. Maybe you could find a way to go to your parents' house and leave her at home, not to be mean but to honor her wish of not seeing your parents. Tough one. Sorry I couldn't help more.
2006-12-17 15:47:15 · answer #4 · answered by Wenz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand what your saying, but I can also see why she's upset, she feels that your family doesn't care about her. I would say put her first. She's your wife and she should be higher on your list of priorities than family. In my list it goes like this: God, my wife, my kids, my job, my family, friends then myself. I can understand that it's uncomfortable for you considering what happened. But I think it wasn't right what your dad told you too. That's not his place.
2006-12-17 15:43:33 · answer #5 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me as though your parents had a reason to tell you to do those things. What has she done to you in the past to make it this way. Be a man and tell her that they are your parents' and you will not be without either of them if that's what you want. It's a two way street remember?!
2006-12-17 15:40:44 · answer #6 · answered by busybears2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it was just a bad time for everyone. I know it's hard to do but she should put aside her feelings at least for Christmas. Make a compromise, just don't spend as long as you normally would with your parents.
2006-12-17 15:43:34 · answer #7 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just put yourself in her shoes........would you wan to speak to them after you found out something like that.......No way!
Then again it is the holidays.....I suggest if you have kids tell your wife to put her emotions on hold for the sake of the kids.If you don't have kids,then i don't know..maybe all of you should just sit down together and talk about what happened..explain to your wife your dad was just giving you advice like her dad would've done to her if she was in your shoes.Man,that's a hard one though.....Good luck!
2006-12-17 15:53:00 · answer #8 · answered by Digz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why did you tell your wife what your parents said?
2006-12-17 16:46:45 · answer #9 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋