was I wrong to have lied to my soul mate?

Question

My boyfriend of five years was my first intimate partner. we had a break of 8 months during that time i met and slept with someone else. I went back with my ex and ended with the other guy. My long time bf asked me if I had been with another guy sexually during the break I said NO because I was afraid of his reaction we are hispanic and I know our man specially when they have been your first. I didn't say it because I didn't want to hurt him,honestly. A year passed and I was diagnosed with HSV 2 I had to confess that during the break i had been with someone else. he broke up with me he didn't believe me since he tested negative he accused me of cheating and insulted me so much. the other guy claims not to have it his GF is pregnant and they haven't seen anything unusual he says that if he did get exposed it's been over two years and nothing has happened. I told my ex he took ito far i din't cheat! I lied out of love. what u think? please don't be rude is a really bad time 4 me. thanks

Answer 1

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Sometimes we will keep things from those people that we care about the most because we think we are protecting them.
but honesty and trust are very important in any relationship.
Dishonesty always seems to catch up with us sooner or later.

You should not regret what happened during your breakup. Not only were you carrying this burden on your conscience, unfortunately you are left with a very unpleasant reminder.
but, in all honesty how were you protecting him by keeping the truth hidden?
Were you protecting him or yourself?
Both perhaps?
Yourself possibly because you feared that you would loose him?

At that moment when he asked the question, you really had no idea how he would respond you could only make an assumption. That assumption may not have been correct.
So you kept the truth from him and now you could loose him despite your good intentions.
just remember:
We don't mean to hurt the ones we love but sometimes we do.
Every action has a consequence, there really is no right or wrong. We just need to learn to deal with what results from the choices we make.

Your boyfriend may be hurt but he is overreacting by being insulting and accusing you of cheating. Perhaps it would be helpful if he knew and understood more about HSV-2 and how it is possible for him to not have contracted it himself as it is most contagious during an outbreak.
His response might not be a good one but just keep in mind that he might be acting out of anger.
Anger from whatever suffering he may be experiencing.
So it sounds like you are both suffering but you are still together.
So there is no reason for you to both suffer like this. It is possible to come to an understanding.
Things might not be quite like they were before but you just keep moving forward and eventually you will regain his trust.

Take care and all the best.

Answer 2

First...just because he was you "first" does not make him your soulmate. From the sounds of it, you have not dated enough men to make that decision.

Second, there is no such thing as lying out of love. If you loved him, you would have been honest up front with him. Now there is some type of STD involved that you may have exposed him to, and you expect him to be okay and just forgive and move on?

Not gonna happen.

You need to be more concerned right now about your health, how to get rid of whatever this is you have, and getting yourself together.

Answer 3

Yes, wrong, and things like HSV is exactly why you don't lie to a partner about your sexual experiences--you put him at risk and he didn't even know it. You're lucky it wasn't HIV and you didn't give it to him, because in some states that is considered murder.