ok heres the quicky 17 yr old daughter went to 19 yr old boyfriends..he lives with his aunt. they were supposed to drive here back home. got text in the middle of the night. she would be sleeping there cause aunt to hammered to drive her home(they live out of town) not sure but think this was kinda planned. anyways, ground her or ban boyfriend from comming back to my house. he knew my wish was for her to come home. what would your choice be ??
2006-12-17 14:54:52 · 17 answers · asked by thepainter 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
had a few issues in past with bf not respecting my rules
2006-12-17 15:09:28 · update #1
I think would not allow her to see this boy anymore, if auntie was not able to bring her home as planned, then a phone call should have been made to you so that you could work out transportation. Be prepared for a battle mom!
2006-12-17 15:00:34 · answer #1 · answered by catywhumpass 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
She is 17, and if you try to pull the reins too tight, she is going to run away. I would go with a simple approach. Remind her that you are not stupid and that you were a teenager too. Tell her that you think it was just a ploy to spend the night with him. Tell her that you dont think that is a smart decision, and why... (teen pregnancy, he doesnt have self respect, job etc etc ) Tell her to be honest with you. Ask her about protected sex, and if she knows the risks. Help her understand the need for it. You cant tell her never to see him again, because she will just do it anyway. Now is the time, to test how good a parent you are, and if she makes the right decisions in the future. Be her friend, and guide her. Tell her what is still expected of her (school home life etc.). But remind her that she is almost all grown up, and she needs to remember what a good decision is and a bad decision. And, if this comes up in the future, you need to go and get her!! Always be available to go collect your kids in the middle of the night!! And, dont blame him for her not coming home. She knew what she was supposed to to. Another option would be to tell them, that if they want to spend the night together, that it would be better to do it under your roof and not someone elses. Especially if the other people in the house are drinking. that doesnt show good judgement on the aunts behalf. And, it is better for them to be under your watchful eye, rather than hers. He wont like that, because there would be supervision, but at least you would then become the cool parent. And, if he doesnt respect your wishes, and then your daughter cant spend the night with him (because he wont do it at your house), he is going to act like an ***, and she is going to hate it. Hence, a breakup! Yeah!!! Good Luck!!!!
2006-12-18 09:19:53 · answer #2 · answered by thelaundryfairy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be careful with your decisions. The coice made was wrong however the choice you make to respond could be dangerous as well. I left home at the age of 17 when my mother "grounded" me from my boyfriend. Nothing like this happened I got in trouble for being on the phone when not aloud however that was the final decision. I took off I knew I was set cause this wouldnt go through court fast and I would be 18 soon the cops could try to find me but never would have. Needless to say this was my partener and I wasnt going to give it up so dont try that one I can tell you that. I have now married that boyfriend and we have been together 6 years!
2006-12-17 23:05:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't ground her, but don't allow any nighttime visits at the boyfriend's house anymore. Any late night visits can take place under your roof. Also, sit them both down and have a talk about unprotected sex, pregnancy, and underage drinking. Don't yell, just be realistic and upfront with them about what your expectations are. If you think this boy is going to cause her trouble, then definitely do not allow her to spend time with him. This aunt character doesn't seem like such a great influence, either. I wouldn't allow her to be around the aunt anymore, drunkeness around teenagers just is troublesome.
2006-12-17 23:05:49 · answer #4 · answered by SaraBMW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My kids are only young so it maybe hard to really say. But I feel at 17 they are almost adults and are able to be out on their own (in Australia 18 is legal age) I would be aiming that she is on birth control and has some respect for herself, I may have grounded her, but if it wasn't planned was it her fault. It is good that she let you know where she was so you didn't worry, so you have taught her something very important. Like I said mine are younger and in a few years when they are going out I may have changed my mind and have them locked in their rooms with bars on the windows. (I have 3 girls and maybe number 4 girl on the way) My husband said it would depend on who the boyfriend was, he said if he didn't like him he would have gone and picked her up in the middle of the night.
2006-12-17 23:16:07 · answer #5 · answered by lividuva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds kind of like you're jumping the gun to me...
If it wasn't planned, and the aunt just got wasted for the hell of it, why would you punish her for something that was out of her control?
If it was planned, I've always found that talking about how you would like her to handle the situation next time for about two hours is more punishment than a grounding will ever be.
Seriously, it works.
2006-12-17 23:41:41 · answer #6 · answered by Chef Smallfry 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let the aunt know that this is unacceptable and that your daughter cannot go to his house unless the aunt will be around to bring her home. Maybe aunt wasn't even home? Why couldn't the boyfriend bring her back? Was he drinking as well? I don't think I would allow her to go to his house if underage drinking is permitted there and I would let the aunt, boyfriend and your daughter all know that.
No, don't ban her from seeing him- that'll only drive her into his arms even more. But maybe make it on your terms- they are at your house or at a public place. She's under 18, you can give her a curfew if you need.
2006-12-17 23:03:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the aunt and get her story, sounds planned to me too. If the aunt knows nothing about bringing her home, she is grounded until further notice, no phone, no computer, no boyfriend. If her story really is true, you can't punish her for not getting in the car with someone who is drinking. Why didn't she call you to come and get her?
2006-12-17 23:53:08 · answer #8 · answered by Jinny E 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should def. ground her and not let him come over...I think that's included in the grounding thing...and you should talk to the 19 yr. old and tell him that until she's old enough you would really like for them to respect you. I'm sure this was most likely planned. I know a bunch of my friends do crap like this and get away with it...they shouldn't.
2006-12-17 23:01:40 · answer #9 · answered by way_noworlater@sbcglobal.net 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be careful your daughter is no longer a child. I'd say leave things be as she may just move out on you , insure she has access to birth control. Time to let go the apron strings before she forces you to.
2006-12-18 07:47:43 · answer #10 · answered by badmikey4 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ground her and talk to her bf personally in an adult fashion to tell him that you dont like him pulling stunts like this. tell him he is 19 and should act like it. and definately tell him not to come around for a while and use the fact that your daughter is grounded as a reason.
2006-12-17 23:39:58 · answer #11 · answered by program dude 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋