How do you make ammends for your child's sake?

Question

I am less than two months away from getting divorced and I'm wondering how do I get on better relations with my ex so that my son won't be caught in the middle of this war between our families. I see my son once a month for a few hours; my whole side of the family hasn't seen him in over a year. They only know what he looks like through the photos I bring to them. Every time I bring up the idea of taking him to see his other family, she changes the subject. The only reason I don't keep pressing the issue is because I'm so close to getting the divorce; it's already uncontested. I don't want to drag that part out any longer than necessary, so I'm fighting one battle at a time. How does one deal with this?

I am currently in the military and my ex lives about four hours away. That's one of the reasons I don't get too many chances to see him on a regular basis.

Answer 1

when you do get divorced, go for shared custody,,,,,that means shared legal custody, not who the child lives with,,,, if the child lives with her still, your visitation times should be spelled out clearly,,,,weekends and so much time, usually a couple of weeks, during the childs break from school, and also perhaps alternating holidays,,, what you do, who you visit, during your times with him, is not any of her business then, unless you are doing something harmfull, like taking him to a crack house (no i dont mean you will, just giving an example of when she could step in and say something about your time with him) so then you can take him to visit your family,,,,,,,,other then that,,,,,,never speak ill of his mother in front of him,, reassure him that the divorce, his parents problems, have nothing to do with him, wasnt caused by him,,,,,,,,,,do not allow anyone in your family to speak negative of her in front of him,,,,,, basically take the high road, for his benefit,,,,,,

Answer 2

Take her to court. That's the final way.

If you've done your FATHERLY duties and we assume you're not a complete @sshole father...there are some out there you know...then TALK TO YOUR EX about your kids and their need to see your side of the family. How sad it must be for your mom/dad/siblings not to be able to see them. I can't imagine.

You could first just approach your ex and say "hey, my kid needs more time with his father"...and from the sounds of it he needs a LOT MORE TIME. You really need to take her to court if it's only a few hours a month. ** Again, unless you're a jerk and don't pay child suppport, then you don't deserve any more time with him.

But I'm sure you're not a jerk as I mentioned, so you really need to let the judge have the final say. Especially if you've been a responsible father. Good luck to you!!!

Answer 3

Wow. That's very big of you. I mean, my parents have been divorced since about '99 and I'm now only 17...they still don't get along. There is a lot of stuff that happened that I think they both regret...like family members spreading rumors...which weren't true..oh Well...I wish you the best...just pray about it...if you're a religious person, I'm assuming here...GOOD LUCK..I wish my parents would have tried harder...a li'l too late now..haha.

Answer 4

percivere for the next 2 months until the divorce is final....you will or should have certain visitation rights....what you do with your child in that time is up to you...use that time to visit your family.....and speak to your ex once all is final and try to come up with a mutual ground where you can be civil and flexible with each other keeping your childs best interests in mind.....

Answer 5

you get the visitation in the divorce decree so there isn't an issue. Dont' settle for crumbs. Your son needs both parents and needs to know his whole extended family.