i want to know if im good at poetry and if i have a future as an author. keep in mind im only 11.
I lay in bed awake,
twas the end of the day,
tomorrow would be Christmas,
I listened for Santa's sleigh.
I hadnt moved so long,
i felt like i was numb,
but still i lay awake,
and waited for him to come.
to climb down my chimney
to put presents under the tree,
really Big presents,
that were all for me.
i heard something downstairs
so i went down there and peared,
and thats were i saw santa,
with crumbs all on his beard
he had rosy cheeks
and he had a button nose,
he had a giant belly,
and extra large red clothes.
before i ran away,
santa turned his head,
then he gave a chuckle,
and sent me off to bed.
what i say is true
as crazy as it seems,
and since that crazy night,
iv seen him in my dreams.
every night of christmas eve,
is alway a big suprise
sometimes to see it though,
look through a child's eyes.
(PS i dont believe in santa)
2006-12-17 14:37:33 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I love Santa and your poem, however
A
A
B
A
all the time, don't change the rhythm like that (not all the time though, you don't have to make rhythm all the time)
PS: Wish he is real, eh? But if he is real, I don't think he would have time to spend with you like in the poem becuz there would be millions of children waiting for gifts in Xmas Eve
2006-12-17 14:39:32 · answer #1 · answered by Oh Dee! 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I loved it! I am being honest, too. As a fellow writer (I often write fan fiction) I see no active criticism about the poem itself. Your style is good. There were a few misspellings - like "Iv" instead of "I've," but I make those mistakes a lot too, more then any world renound author or anything - so don't worry about it. "Then he gave a chuckle, and sent me off to bed." Flawless line, just flawless. I give it a 9/10.
2006-12-17 14:41:56 · answer #2 · answered by I think... 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that's amazing! and the fact that you're only 11 absolutely blows me away! sometimes it seems a little choppy, like you were rushed when you wrote it. poetry is kinda like a song, things have to flow smoothly, or else you're stuck singing like britney spears. but that last bit of it is pure gold. the last paragraph, or whatever you'd call it. i really envy you, this poem makes me feel so happy and safe and like i'm 5 years old and innocent. i can only write sad poems, told from the point of misunderstood teens.
but i think you could totally become a poet if you work really hard!
2006-12-17 14:54:58 · answer #3 · answered by polaris grl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seems quite good for 11 yrs old. You have plenty of time to develop what ever talents you may have. Keep up the good work and you can be what ever you want to be!
Good luck following your dreams.
2006-12-17 14:45:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's awesome and if your only 11..... yeah for sure. You might become and author someday, but you could change your mind a million time before then. Good luck in whatever you do hun.
2006-12-17 14:41:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
waaaaaaaaa what a wonderful words u say a sweet words
can i purchase ur poem by 1 dollar ?
2 dollars ?
up to 10 dollars i am ready to pay lol
2006-12-17 14:56:33 · answer #6 · answered by micho 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I usually don't read much poetry but I enjoyed yours. Keep on writing.
2006-12-17 14:43:17 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs. Fuzzy Bottoms 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good job and you're only 11. You should stick with it.
2006-12-17 20:14:02 · answer #8 · answered by jipp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have great potential.
Your meter is good and that is very important.
Just an idea - you don't always have to rhyme...
Keep it up and good luck...
2006-12-17 14:45:48 · answer #9 · answered by Next evolutionary step... 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good kid, keep it up. The world needs more poets.
2006-12-17 14:40:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋