My children live with my ex-husband. He demanded I bring the children home early. What should I do.?

Question

I lost custody of the children after attempting suicide. The divorce courts awarded him sole custody. Today, I went to visit an ex friends mother who accused me of mistreating my autistic son. I exchanged words with her and told her that somtimes my ex-husband has to spank Cyrus when he acts out violently to defend myself for spanking him as well. She called my ex. I am not sure what she told him but he was angry. He demanded I bring the kids home early from a scheduled visit. I refused. He threatened to call the police. I ignored him because I know my rights. He also called my daughter and asked for my address because he was soo angry that I think he wanted to confront me. I am scared of him. He has been voilent in the past. I want to be able to continue to visit with my children without all the drama. What should I do.

Answer 1

if you have a court order stating your visitation times/hours, then no, you dont have to return the children before the stated time,,,,,,, also, neither one of you should be hitting any of your children,,,, especially an autistic one,,,,,,, i would suggest contacting the court if he is using these tactics, get the visitation in writing as to hours if you dont,, and also contact the local abuse center for women, they will have counseling you can go to, for help with dealing with him and also how to deal with your child,,,,i would imagine she most likely told him to stop hitting the child,,,,, its hitting, violence,,,,, in spite of people trying to make it seem nicer by calling it spanking,,,,,,

Answer 2

If you are scared of him and believe there is an immediate danger of violence, in most states you can get a restraining order. Understand, however, that just getting the RO won't solve the underlying problems and may complicate visitation issues. You might need to involve a third party in drop offs and pick ups for example.
Your desire to visit with your children without drama is very noble. That is what the children deserve as well. The best way to avoid drama is to have very clear expectations on both sides. For example - Children to be dropped off at 8 am and picked up at 8 pm at a specific location. If the two of you are having trouble communicating, a mediator can help you work out the details. Most court systems have a plan for low cost or free mediation to help families solve these sorts of problems.
It sounds like maybe both of you could benefit from some type of parenting classes to find out how to best deal with your son. If you go to court to modify the visitation or custody you can ask the judge to order both of you into such classes.
You should know that if your husband believes the children to be in immediate danger and tells that to the police - the police will most likely take the kids away regardless of what the court order says. They will let you all figure it out later but make sure that the kids are safe first.
Good luck and keep trying to keep your kids needs ahead of you and your ex's.

Answer 3

You say that he has sole custody - but you also speak of a "scheduled visit" If that visit was arranged through the courts - or stated in a court order he cannot take the children back early. It seems odd that he doesn't have your address. Usually when there is custody/visitation - addresses of both parents are disclosed to each other.

What should you do? Goodness. Your kids have a violent Dad and a suicidal Mom. What you should do is love them up - and try your very hardest to get along with their Dad for the sake of the kids. Be cordial to him always. Dont give him anything to be upset about. I don't know who the "ex-friends mother" is - but stay away from her. Your time with your kids should be just that - TIME WITH YOUR KIDS. Spend great time with them - and then send them back to Dad making sure they are clean, their homework is done, they're fed - and they're happy - and they know that even though Mom and Dad don't live together - they both love them very much! Don't ever talk negative about their father to them. Even if he is horrible - don't do it! Your kids are the most important thing in all of this. Make sure you're acting in a way that's best for them at all times!! You can't control anybody's actions except your own. So - make sure that your actions are the best possible!! That's all you can do!

Blessings!

Answer 4

Never hit your autistic son to teach him non-violence! You are only proving that it is OK to be violent. He cannot understand why he is being punished. What an awful thing to do! He gets violent because he gets frustrated. What good can it do to frustrate and confuse him further? What good can it do to cause him pain?

If your husband has been violent in the past and you are feeling better you should attempt to regain custody. Or call DSS to have them evaluate his household. Just never, ever lay a hand on your son again. Your ex-friend's mother was absolutely right to confront you.

And learn more about autism before you decide whether it is best he stays with you or his father. Going into the foster system will be traumatic for your son, but continuing to be violent with him will as well and you have both been violent, it seems. If you are still depressed and haven't been to a doctor, go to one ASAP. I truly hope you feel better.

http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/brain/autism.html

Answer 5

If you don't want all the drama around your life, just try to keep yourself from over talking, or saying things that (and you might be right)could cause a confrontation, try to leave the past behind you. Sometimes is better to bite your tongue before saying things that will just cause a big drama just for the sake of your children, at the end they will be the ones who are going to be affected for all this situation. Just think about your children, they need YOU, when they visit you try to make that time the best time possible..so why not spending the whole day just you and your kids?! don't go visit nobody, take them to a park, or rent a movie and watch it at your place, just you and them.

Answer 6

Why did you go to see this woman and stir up all the drama when you had your children for visitation? If you want to confront someone, do it during non-visitation time.

Answer 7

Call the police if and when he comes to your house. You dont have to give your kids back until the usual time you have to. It doesnt matter if your ex is mad or not.

Answer 8

get a restraining order or a gun