Women who change their last name when they get married.?

Question

I'm recently married and changed my last name to my husbands. A woman at work made a smart remark of how she didn't change her name when she got married because she's her own person. I was a bit insulted. I think it's a personal decision on whether to change your name or not. I don't think it has anything to do with being subservient to your husband. What does everyone else think?

Answer 1

I entertained the idea once that subservience was involved with the name change. Then I started thinking about why my mom didn't change her name from my father's when the two divorced. Likely, she wanted to keep the same name as my sister and I. It makes sense for family members to share the same name. Personally, I'm not fond of the hyphen. Often, the name is awkward and long. Also, I have heard of the man taking the woman's name.

Ultimately, I think it is a personal decision, but that doesn't mean other people will see it the same way. They decided what was important to them and what symbolized maintaining or acheiving that. It's not our place to change them, but I wish they'd realize that not everyone agrees with them. (Not to say no one realizes this.)

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I agree that yes, it is a personal decision, but I do agree with that woman. I definitely will NEVER take my husband's name when I get married as I feel I loose my identity of who I am, my heritage, all while becoming the man's property. And if a guy ever was disappointed or mad that I won't change my name, I would never marry him. Why doesn't he change HIS name then? Guys get it easy. They don't have to change anything, they keep their identity, who they are, who they grew up as, and they don't go through the hassle of changing licenses, SIN, etc.

I guess I just hate how women are automatically assumed to. When you first get married, the traditional thing is they say, "Mr. and Mrs...." and the guy's name. Blah. Definitely won't be that way at my wedding. If I ever have children, I am also going to combine my husband and I's last names for them.

But everyone has their own personal values and opinions. To each his own I guess.

Answer 4

Are you still under 30? Then you are probably just following what you assume is a customary thing in your culture which is mainstream Western culture like in US I assume. Most women who marry after age 30 , in my opinion, "grow up" and realize how subservient it seems to do that if only symbolically.
I think most American and Canadian women do not feel like that came off a man's rib, so to speak. We feel like full human beings. As we mature and get older we accumulate experiences and hopefull wisdom. Think about it, should a wise and experienced woman (or man for that matter) give up their name to someone else upon a marriage? Doesn't that sound a bit like a step backwards?
I was 40 something when I married for the 2nd time. We have a very stable and loving marriage now, some 11 years later. When people ask in the presence of my husband why I didn't change my name, my husband pipes in and says he considered changing his to mine but decided he liked his name and would keep it! Does this kind of clear it up for you?
(By the way, he is very much a heterosexual male, football and all and STILL calls himself a feminist!)

Answer 5

This is a tricky dilemma as in the modern society it seems anything goes. I personally like it if the woman changes her name to his as it stops a lot of confusion but a lot of women want to keep their independence. Some women do it for professional reasons but I think that after a few years of informing their clients that they can then change it. There is the other reason that the name doesn't gel such as a girl called Jenna could not take on the surname Tahlia for fear of embarrassment.

Answer 6

Of course you are your own person, you don't have to prove anything. You could argue that I was subservient as I wanted to change my name to my husbands not cos I liked it, just cos I loved him and saw it as a new life together but he will tell you I'm far from his slave! I can understand people keeping their name too. It is probably easier from a genealogists point of view if you are researching a family tree.

Answer 7

When the woman take the name of her husband she enters in his
familial carma accepting to be there.
Some women do not change their names or take husband's name as second familial name.This is not disrespect but means that they would like stay close to their parents familiesl carma and be happy all life as when they were with their parents .
Finally everybody makes his own choice and the significance of the names ,/very important for some sciences, as f.e. the numerology ,a really GREAT science/ is to the extent people are feeling good to be together.

Answer 8

I changed my last name because I believe in him & us and we share the same values & traditions. So it was her decision to not change it, it may mean she doesn't expect it to last and then she doesn't have to change anything back. It may also mean that she's a matericalistic woman who drives her husband crazy cuz she need to get whatever she wants. In short: it's a personal decision.

Answer 9

I think it's up to the woman. I like my boyfriend's last name so if we ever get married I will be more than happy to take it. If I didn't like his last name I would just keep my own. It's up to the woman what she wants to do.

Answer 10

I wanted the same last name as my children. Also my name has so little to do with my identity. But my husband would have changed HIS name if I had asked it.