extortion - no responses here earlier please help...?

Question

My husband had an affair with a girl at work (they work at
a higher educational setting). They lived together for a
short time when we were separated and he came back to me.
He gave her back the deposit on the house they rented even
though he put thousands of $$ into it and the failed
relationship. Now the girl is telling him that he has until
Jan. 31 to quit his job or she will report him to Dean of
students etc.
I know what my husband did is wrong and I am not defending
him in any way at all. After a lot of deliberation I am
staying with him so thats not what I'm asking about.
They did things on campus that were not appropriate. She is
studying to be a teacher. We will be seeing a lawyer but
have you any experience with this? Yes, he could lose his
job and may deserve to so we are preparing for the
possibilty.

She's been calling since Sept. to tell him ths.
He wants to go to the dean and let them know that someone
is threatening his job and take whatever punishment is

Employee/ student workstudy

Time is on his side too. It's been over a year since they worked together..

She works in another dept as a workstudy

Answer 1

You are a good woman for sticking with this man. It ain't easy that's for sure.
First of all your husband should be documenting all her harassing phone calls, emails, texts whatever and however she is communicating with him. Keep copies to give to the lawyer.

Keep every bit of paper that shows that he knew he was wrong and started to to attempt to fix things.
Yes he was in the wrong. However seems she is trying to manipulate and even extort to get her way. Not a good thing.

Keep the faith, which is never easy. The two of you should go to counsel ling too to get back some normalcy in the craziness you're dealing with.
The sooner you get to the lawyer the better.
Your husband should not attempt to talk to this girl at all now. Your husband shouldn't go to the dean without talking to his lawyer and his faculty association first. Even though he did wrong, and could be sanctioned, you want it done the right way, not because some is attempting blackmail of a done deed.

Good luck

Answer 2

I keep reading that other people are saying that she is a student. I do not necessarily get that out of what your statement is. I see that you say she is going to report him to the Dean (of students) not necessarily meaning that she is a student, this dean is possibly a person that she is using as a means of intimidation. She may be having an affair with this person. She is out for revenge and is out to hurt the 2 of you in any way she can. If you and your husband are trying to work things out, she is attempting to place additional strain on your marriage. She wants to make things so stressful that you will break up. If she is continually calling to tell you of her threats to your home, this is a crime that is called harrassing communications. Swear out a warrant for her. At least tell her that you're going to. She is a nut. She has probably done things like this before that you are not aware of. She may even have a record of harrassment in the past. You do not have to put up with the other woman that your husband disasociated himself with - doing what she is doing. A lawyer can tell you of her past history. Threaten to swear out a warrant for her arrest. If this does not work, go to your local police station or magistrate and swear out a obtain a restraining order. If she breaks the restraining order by contacting you in any way, she will most likely be arrested. If you want to take things to a higher level, record her messages and have her arrested for harrassing communications. An ex-girl friend of some one I know had a warrant sworn out on her for harrassing communications. She now has a criminal record. Your relationship is going to be seriously jeropardized with your husband if she continues to call and attempt to blackmail him. This is a form of harrassment. Some one like her has got to have a few skeletons in her closet that she does not want exposed. Fight fire with fire. I bet she will back down if you take the offensive approach, not the defensive. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Talk to your lawyer, take any contracts or bylaws of the learning institution to the lawyer and follow his advice.

I suspect that your husband going to the Dean, possibly with you at his side for support may be the best "image" to present to the Dean. Ask your lawyer about this also.

If your lawyer advises this is the best route, strike first, do it before she does.

One big thought on the down side, if she worked for him, it could be considered sexual harrassment. I take it she works for the institution as well as studies there.

Answer 4

I think he should go to the dean immediately. And without telling her about it. most deans don't want people like that around impressionable minds. She may have to find a new career.
If they aren't working with each other then I don't really see an ethical infraction there. But the lawyer would be a good idea for sure.

One thing for sure, you don't wanna let her beat him to the dean's office.

Answer 5

Haha, so your husband is a prof. who slept with one of his students? You need to look into the university regulations about instructor/student relations. If she is not his student or wasn't when the relationship started, then depending on the university regulations, he may have no threat to his job. If she was his student, then there are academic issues like whether or not your husband had a personal bias when grading her work ect. that might threaten his job and her career. Really, you need to find out whether or not the place your husband works at is against lecturer/prof and student relationships. Often times they are not simply because students are infact adults.

Answer 6

it has not happened to me but it seems the best thing to do is defuse --- see the dean asap --- throw yourself on his mercy --- if they are collegues as you seem to say then it is no where near as bad if they were treacher/student

Answer 7

WHHHAAAAHH