He's cheated...do I give it another chance??

Question

I've been married for 3yrs...and our marriage has been very rocky for the past 4mo. About 3mo, my husbands work got transfered 3 states away and he just returned about 1 mo ago. We're trying to work out our marriage and also are seeking a counselor. I was going through his emails, just b/c I had a funny feeling. I found a webpage he had stating he was single...and there were pics of him and this girl. So, I asked him who the hell is that girl...and then he admitted to me that he had been seeing her while he was working out of state. I asked him why and he said b/c he thought our marriage was pretty much over. Which I find that's not excuse. But the worse part was the emails he was writing to her. They were saying how he wish he could make me dissapear, and that the marriage was basically over. He was saying how he wanted to be with her. etc...now what do I beleive? Heres my husband ballin his eyes out and begging me to give him another chance...I feel like I'm on the back

burner..b/c the girl found out he was married so she stopped talking to him. IS it crazy for me to think that he only wants to work it out now b/c **** fell between them? I know I'm probably thinking into it too much. But I'm so confused. I don't know what to believe. I don't know if I'll ever get over this. He said he didn't want to tell me b/c it'll hurt me too much. What do I do?

He says he didn't have "sex" b/c he didn't actually enter inside of her ( sorry to be so graphic)

But I'm still getting tested.

Answer 1

Let your instincts and intuition decide for you.
Do you want to give it another go ?
You have him over a barrel, will you allow time to heal, or make him suffer....this is the long drawn out miserable approach.
Or are you willing to endure a long period of unhappy time rebuilding for the betterment of the marriage.
Do yourself a favour. He says " he did not have sexual relations with that girl" ??!!!! DONT bother asking anymore questions or expect any honest answers from him regarding this affair.
Look after yourself...and make up your own mind on this one.
Many a marriage has survived the first affair and gone on to be stronger and better as a result of the learning for each party.
May it be as such for you

Answer 2

Honey it sounds to me that your husband is some what a player and he's playing the game well. Sounds to me that he's not at all new to the game play plan fell though and now he wants to be back with you. Let me ask you this put yourself in his shoes same scenario and ask yourself would he still be with you 9 times out of 10 NO. Men can't handle another man pleasing his woman but expect us women to just handle the situation light it's totally up to you on what to do but just don't be someone fool. You know that's not cool and I think everyone should be treated with the same respect that you give. I say get rid of that heartache cause once a cheater always a cheater if you forgive and not forget.

Answer 3

If he was defiant and tried to worm his way out of taking responsibility for his actions, I'd say boot the guy out the door. But, IF:
a) his remorse is sincere and those aren't just crocodile tears for being caught,
b) you truly love him
c) he truly loves you

then, at least try to work it out through continued counseling and open and honest communication.

Guys make mistakes. We're very good at blocking out reality and living a fantasy, some better than others. Sometimes we go too far, destroy our lives, and the lives of others. Some of us don't deserve to be given a second chance. Some do.

You have to decide if this guy is worth it or if this is one of those times when the guy is unable to ever become a man and you need to cut your losses and move on.

Medical note: if he had sex with Miss Out-of-state, demand that he be tested for STDs.

Answer 4

You say your marriage was rocky and y'all were trying to work it out. However, he decided it was "pretty much over" and had an affair. He wanted to make you disappear, he wanted to be with her. Apparently, you were the only one working on this marriage. He had already moved on. Only now, that he as been caught : first by his mistress, then by his wife, is he sorry. ( Was he sorry before he went out of state? Did he beg you to work out the problems then? ) Think about these things. It will be even harder to make this marriage work now that he has betrayed your trust. It will take a little time for you to be able to digest all this, to look at it realistically and less emotionally. I think you will see him in a different light. And I think you will not want to see him - anymore.

Answer 5

I agree Scoundrel. you may supply a minute or 2 for a poorly wound watch, yet 7 minutes in not ideal. And your common sense is ideal heading in the right course. with the help of the 4th date that's going to ba an hour you'd be waiting searching like the twerp. good call my chum. I tend to be very stingy at the same time as it comprises 2d possibilities. If it replaced into important to her she would were there 10 minutes early, not 7 minutes late. i does not supply this female yet another probability to go away you status there. go away her the position she is.... dumped.

Answer 6

As difficult as this situation is.......he revealed his true self by doing what he did. You were right to follow your instincts and check his email. He was being unfaithful......and a person usually knows even if they don't have the evidence. This guy is not there for you. And I think you really need to just consider divorce. He's all upset now, but that is because HE WAS CAUGHT! When all of this subsides, and you slip back into a routine, he'll be on the prowl again. Trust me.

Answer 7

You will never be at peace with this situation. You don't trust him anymore. To much information has been found and you don't believe that his remorse is real. Or should I say that the remorse is that he has lost the other one and doesn't want to be alone.

You need to PRAY HARD and decide what you want to do. Forgiveness is hard enough when you just "think" they have cheated. But when you know...remember, you won't forget...

Get counseling for yourself even if you don't go with him. You will need it. Love yourself enough to do that.

Also remember, your argument is not with the other woman..it is with him. He wronged you and now wants you to give him another chance. How big is your heart???

Can you do it? Are you ready to do it??

Think on these things...

Answer 8

Follow your heart. If you think you can forgive him and trust him again. Then go for it. And good for the women for dumping him after finding out he was married. However, his crying would not phase me in the least, was he crying because he got caught or because the was sorry. There is never an excuse for cheating. Personally, I would leave him and move on with my life. However, you need to go with what you think is best for you. God bless you and Good luck. ****

Answer 9

You know the answer to your question, but want reassurance in your decision. It is hard to break ties, but I believe this would be in your best interest. It is especially stressful if you have children, so I hope there are no children involved. Best of luck and try and have a merry Christmas.

Answer 10

Love is about feelings toward each other. You love him. I can see it. You made soo much effort to pull it out together, waiting for him, and looking for a counseller. After what he did, I think he doesn't deserve you. You don't have to believe him anymore. He lied to you, and this can be another lie..how can you tell? Let this be his lesson. Move on. Consider those 3 years as a dream cuz you deserve much better.